pampers and parenting

My friend Kelly sent me this today. Pampers commercials always get me, and they pick the cutest babies. Be sure to click for English/subtitles if you watch - unless you know Japanese. (And if you know Japanese, please leave a comment ... because I'd love to know who reads my blog and knows Japanese.)

"Thank you for the most trying year of your life" sums it up well.

I haven't even reached the one year mark (almost 10 months!), but it's amazing how much has changed, and how much I've learned and grown. It is so scary at the beginning - when Dax slept I'd be worried about SIDS or if he was okay.  And the list of worries and fears goes on and on.

You can become a parent without knowing anything about babies and parenting. And let me tell you, I knew nothing. Sure I read books about it, but reading is no substitute for real life and experience. Even observing others isn't much help before you're the one doing it.

If being a mom has changed me at all, it has definitely made me less judgmental.

I can remember observing wild or misbehaving kids and thinking that the parents should really do something - and I probably had ideas in mind of what easy step could be taken to resolve the situation. Not any more. Now I think: maybe their kids are being a little wild, but that's okay ... because that mom is probably just really TIRED. I don't think it is possible to overestimate the effect that exhaustion can have on a person. And so I find myself with a much more gracious attitude than I ever did before.

{I still had no idea what was coming. NO IDEA. But even now, do I know what's coming? NOPE.}

Some parenting wisdom that has stuck with me ...

• Get to know your child. Nobody else knows your child like you do. This baby has been given to you, and you can do it. You can be an awesome mom (or dad) to this baby, and in fact, you're the best one for the job because God chose you. So listen to your baby and your instinct.
• Just when you think you have your baby figured out, they will switch it up. YES. Our friend Elizabeth said this when she dropped off a meal after Dax was born. And it certainly applied to Dax! For instance, month one: 'Oh you hate having your diaper changed, and love riding in your carseat?' Month two: 'Oh you love having your diaper changed, and hate riding in your carseat?' (And now back to hating diaper changes and, dare I say it, finally not screaming like an axe murderer is beside you in your carseat.)
• He (or she) will sleep eventually, and you won't feel this tired forever. My amazing friend Heather told me something like this, right in the middle of Dax just not sleeping, and it was just the best thing anyone could have said. Especially paired with her own story about her firstborn who would not sleep. (And she has five kids, so this is something to cling to when I think 'I cannot possibly have any more kids!') I thought of Heather saying that after sleepless nights (or napless days), because it felt like light at the end of a tunnel cheering me on.

{I don't think Dax really looks like himself here, but I still love this picture!}

It's a gift, being a mom. I feel the weight of that gift when I think of how many people long for a child and don't have one. Or when people lose a child. Last weekend at church, a couple shared their story of losing their second baby a few hours after he was born. Tears were rolling down my face when his mom got to the part of where he reached out for her because he recognized her voice - all those months inside of her, listening to her, hearing his parents prayers for his life.

I don't tear up at people's stories and at Pampers commercials because I want to quit. (Well, sometimes I want to quit.) I tear up more now than I ever have before in my life because since the day Dax was born, my heart was different. Bigger maybe, and somehow softer and stronger all at once. I don't have words for what's different, but the tears are usually there to fill in the gaps. It is true when parents tell their kids, "You'll never know how much I love you." But when you have your own babies, I think you start to understand what they meant a little bit better. And one of the things I want most for Dax is to always know how loved he is.