a few good links

read this story on forgiveness written by a woman whose husband shot several amish children, if you get a chance. her book is on my "to read" list. this is exceptional ...

"Forgiveness is a choice. I chose to forgive Charlie just as the Amish families forgave him. I knew that anger had completely overtaken his heart. I did not want to risk the same scenario for myself. Over the next few months, God spoke to me about the choice to forgive and what it would birth within me. Forgiveness was not about setting Charlie free — it was about setting myself free. The past could not control my future — I was not bound to the label, “the shooter’s wife.” 

[Marie Monville]

* * *

jen hatmaker, if you read my blog by some miracle, can you please be my friend and mentor?! I LOVE HER. she hit it out of the park with two articles this week. the first on the BIG FEELINGS no one warns you about when you become a mom, and the whole thing is sooo good. lance and i have had almost the exact conversation she had with her husband about "turning dumb." (HUGE RELIEF when she said that will go away.)

her other article on how parenting today has become too precious, and we need to just breathe and let it happen like every generation before the most recent ones did ... is awesome. a tease:

"What did our moms do? 

They let us be kids, and we wobbled and skinned our knees and made up our own fun and enjoyed the simple pleasures of childhood without any flash and dazzle. But you know what? We knew we were loved and we knew we were safe. We never doubted the most important parts of the story. We weren’t fragile hothouse plants but dirty, rowdy, resilient kids who ate Twinkies and candy cigarettes and lived to tell. 

Mama, don’t fall for the yearly time capsules. You have everything your little ones need: kisses, Shel Silverstein books, silly songs, kitchen dance parties, a backyard, family dinner around the table, and a cozy lap. They’ll fill in the rest of the gaps and be better for it. Your kids don’t need to be entertained and they don’t need to be bubble-wrapped; they just need to be loved." 

[Jen Hatmaker]

feeding the ducks

i don't remember a time that i looked forward to spring as much as i am this year. every time the temperatures warm up and the sun shines and it feels the tiniest bit like spring, i am delighted.

today dax and i fed the ducks at the park for the first time ever, and it was a blast. 

"feeding the ducks" might be a broad, loose term. the ducks were very friendly and dax was thrilled that they came right up to him. i threw bread while he chased ducks. he got distracted by cars and other children chasing the ducks, but always went back to the ducks until he found some gravel. i was trying to keep a duck from getting to him when i noticed he was starting to put rocks in his mouth. then he noticed i was feeding *bread* to the ducks, and he just wanted to eat the bread. (i promise i feed him.) so we went to the playground. walked the pathways. looked over the ledges at the ducks in the water until dax tried to crawl directly over the ledge into the water.

he got so dirty ... and i'm sure that is going to be spring, summer and life with a boy. i like it.

when i was pregnant some friends told me it is harder to find used clothes for boys than girls, because boys wear their clothes out. (as in stain, rip, destroy them.) i made a mental note, but i didn't realize this would start so young. dax was getting holes in his jeans before he even turned one.

another random note: as amazing as breastfeeding was (i could write a whole post on that), i am finally finished and being finished is also amazing. i didn't feel ready to be done, but dax was biting and nothing would stop him, so i stopped when he was 11 months. weaning was a really hard transition. i kept pumping until last week, and now that i'm done with that i am so relieved. more time for me! less clutter! yesss!

it's funny how a few years ago i never would have believed i'd be casually writing about: breastfeeding, biting, weaning, and pumping ... and then i became a mom and suddenly a whole new world becomes second nature. i forget how so many things seemed weird and gross before i had a kid, and now i just shrug like it's no big deal.

and this made me laugh ...

living each day

I am reading The Hardest Peace by Kara Tippetts right now, and I am crying my way through it ... in the best possible way. She tells her story in a way that resonates so deeply with people wherever they are in their own pain and story. I still need to check out her blog too. 

She says in this trailer that,  "Jason shows me the best of what life has to offer ... mostly in encouraging me to fight for a soft heart." I love that, and I feel like I've gotten so weary of that fight. Life right now feels hard and lonely. I really miss my friends and life in Columbus. Hard is obviously very relative (yes, Mom, I know it could always be worse), but that brings me to another part of Kara's writing that is amazing. She has battled severe cancer but she does not use her suffering as a way to "one up" people. You do not feel alienated as you read, or like you can't relate. And I imagine her friends feel completely comfortable around her even as her cancer progresses - not put off and unsure how to act or what to say. Her beliefs on suffering are so solid, and I'm super encouraged by her.

Off to read! (Did you cry through the trailer if you watched it? Me too.)

recently read for march 3, 2015

Surprised by Motherhood

By Lisa-Jo Baker

A good, refreshing read. Her writing is so smooth and beautiful. Some good quotes:

"Becoming a parent is a lot like breaking up with yourself. There are all these things you used to love about yourself and your life. Those late-afternoon naps. Those spontaneous movie nights. The tidy house and pretty things that could easily break ... uninterrupted meals, sleep, bathroom breaks."

"Jackson grew me up and outof myself more thoroughly than any church service or youth camp or volunteer project ever could have. Stripped of all pretenses, of all instinct for posturing, babies pull us into their orbit of naked truth ... it's impossible to look away, to go back, to stop growing."

" The one ruthless truth of motherhood ... the only way through is through."

The Rosie Project

By Graeme Simsion

LOVED the entire thing! Reads like you're watching a movie - which I think is a sign of a great novel. Tells the story of the completely endearing Don Tillman, who is somewhere on the spectrum of Asperger's, and his life as a genetics professor who decides to systematically find a wife. That project gets delayed when he decides to help Rosie find her biological father. 

American Sniper

By Chris Kyle

Reading this on the heels of Unbroken was interesting, because it really put into perspective how waging war has changed in a relatively short time span. I liked that he wrote how he talks, and that made it easy to follow. (I wish more people would just write how they talk.) I skimmed the details on the guns, because zzzzz. He has quite the story. My heart breaks for his wife and kids.

Bread & Wine
By Shauna Niequist
A gift from a dear friend, and it was DELIGHTFUL. At first I wasn't sure, but as I dug in it got better and better. She says there are two kinds of people in this world: those who wake up thinking about what to have for supper, and those who don't. She is in the first camp, and so am I. Food is one of my love languages. I love having people over, specifically with the belief she expounds upon: it doesn't have to be perfect. Start where you are and gather at the table to nourish each other with food and love.

Orphan Train
By Christina Baker Kline
This is a really great novel, and I felt like I was back in elementary school flying through some historical fiction. (A good feeling for sure.) The story of Molly, a high schooler in Maine who is about to age out of the foster care system, intertwines with Vivian, a wealthy old woman who lost her family as a child and was sent to Minnesota on an "orphan train."

Yes Please
By Amy Poehler
One of the worst books I've read in awhile. Had to force myself to finish because I hate quitting. I read the first chapter at the bookstore and it was hilarious, but the rest was a huge disappointment. She hopped all over the place with no sense of order and really didn't have much to say. The crude parts surprised me - even though they should not have. It's just that I think "Tina and Amy!" but Tina is apparently a whole lot classier, because Bossypants is still one of my faves.