Tuesday, September 24, 2013

we are having a boy!

my gut feeling from the beginning was that we were having a boy, but as time passed i started second-guessing it. almost everyone else guessed boy, which i find impressive. 

on one of my "second-guessing" days i googled old wives tales about how to tell what you're having, and several of the myths supported boy. (such as craving salt, not sweets.) my crazy dreams had included guest appearances from michael jordan, clint eastwood and kobe bryant. all people who definitely do not normally enter my waking stream of consciousness ... hmm.

i had my yoga instructor snap this after class last week because i love the way the walls are painted in the yoga room (so peaceful), and because i have to solicit random people to take weekly shots for the sweet belly book my friend gave me. or succumb to selfies. or forget. mostly i forget.

{18 weeks}

i used to say i wanted to "be surprised" and not find out the gender until birth, but as soon as we knew i was pregnant that changed and i wanted to know. lance (who always said he wanted to find out) says he knew i would change my mind, so he never worried about it when i claimed i'd wait and be surprised. it's like he knows me better than i know myself or something.

we counted down the days and were so excited for thursday - the day i would find out our baby's gender. 

so naturally when i left a meeting i had all morning, i had a voicemail from the doctor's office saying that i would need to call and reschedule because the ultrasound tech had an emergency and was out all day. womp womp. i sat in my car saying, "are you kidding me?! i can't believe it!" until i started laughing. i felt terrible when lance called that night excited to find out and i didn't know yet, but how could we not laugh about it?! of course this would happen.

thankfully i got in for the next day, and everything looked great at the appointment. she knew right away it was a boy. and the miracle of pregnancy and birth and LIFE hit me all over again. any misgivings i had about finding out the gender beforehand (because it might be less special than being surprised) vanished as i realized that finding out your baby's gender is incredibly special whenever you find out. 

it was one of the best days of my life. i had not anticipated how special it would be. i also hadn't anticipated how much it would make me miss lance, but telling him when he called that night was so much fun. he is thrilled. i told him right away - he had warned me awhile ago to not play any jokes about it when i told him. which i had not even considered at that point, but wanted to do as soon as he mentioned this stipulation. proving yet again how well he knows me.

"every child begins the world again." [henry david thoreau]

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

life lately


i hope i don't regret saying this, but things have been going really well for me during deployment. there have been hiccups, like a recon guy banging on our front door a few nights after lance left. this happened three times before, always when lance was home and i could wake him up to deal with it. those times it was around 2-3 a.m. and thankfully this time it was 9:30 p.m., but still frustrating. (they want someone who used to live here.)

this weekend everyone i hung out with seemed to be talking about break-ins in their neighborhood, so that was unsettling, but i try not to dwell on it. apparently a lot of wives move their vehicles around so anyone who might be watching won't know their husband is gone. doing that never occurred to me. i am not sure if it is naivety or trust in God or laziness, but i have no plans to start doing it either.

but those are just hiccups, and overall i'm surprised at how well i'm doing. i can feel everyone's prayers and for that i'm thankful. spending time with other wives here is wonderful, and i just love the military community here. it may be the most welcoming and accepting group i have ever been a part of.


the wives who have been doing this for years talk about how they don't know what they'll do when the deployments end, because that's the only way of life they have known in their marriage. they actually look forward to the time apart. the wives who are new to everything can be a bit more, well, sad. they talk about how the days drag on and what medications they are on to get by.

and as usual, i can't completely relate to either side. i miss lance fiercely at times and i have trouble falling asleep, but i am getting by just fine (and unmedicated, gasp!) and finding joy in each day. i am counting down the days til lance returns, but looking forward to other things in the meantime. (okay, mostly looking forward to finding out our baby's gender, but other little things too. and other big things like my friend's wedding in october and the arrival of my niece in november!)

without a doubt, perspective and good people are two of the greatest parts about being involved in the millitary. i think every marriage can benefit from time apart, even just a week. i expected us to fight a lot in the weeks leading up to lance leaving, because they say that's common with all the tension from what's looming, but we didn't. we really made the most of our time.

i bit my tongue more and let things slide - is getting mad at your husband for not putting dishes in the dishwasher right away really worth it? no. if i kept that perspective all of the time i'd be a nicer person to live with. (obviously.) that's just one minor for instance, but really, living with a perspective of your spouse leaving soon really helps you to love them well and to not take anything for granted. i feel like that's a gift we've been given and we generally do a great job of making the most of our time together and not taking each other for granted, or taking any of the little things for granted.

we love just being able to go to sleep next to each other in the same bed, and you could argue that's a newlywed thing, and that might be part of it, but it's more than that. taking icy showers in nepal stuck with me. i still thank God for clean, hot showers maybe once a week - and that's six years after living in nepal. there are things i said i'd never take for granted after living in nepal that i do take for granted now. but some things stuck.

hopefully with every experience we have in life there are things that stick with us like that, molding us into people with maturity, wisdom and simple gratitude. i'm thankful for all of the things military life is teaching us, and all of the things that will stick. like hopefully perspective, and gratitude for "little" things like life and being alive and together.

and probably an eternal gratitude toward air conditioning, because i try to thank God for it every day in this sweltering state. i told my mom the other night how everyone's facebook statuses about the gorgeous, fall weather in pennsylvania were making me jealous and before i could finish she started elaborating, "oh chels, it has been! it has just been so nice and cool outside, just perfect, so beautiful ..." ALRIGHT, I GET IT. autumn in the northeast is the stuff dreams are made of, and here it is still so hot that sometimes i can barely touch my steering wheel when i get into my car. sheesh mom, it's like you want me to live in pennsylvania again or something. ;-)


pregnancy wise i have been feeling great too. i miss my old workouts, but don't have the energy for more than walks, dips in the pool and ... prenatal yoga!

i was incredibly anti-yoga after some solid teaching against it in YWAM, and still feel a smidge (okay, a lot) of guilt for doing it ... but it feels wonderful. the movements help to prepare your body for labor and delivery. my crossfit workouts are a bit too intense/scary for during pregnancy, so i had dropped those, and i fell out of sync with running due to the sleepiness of my first trimester and the ridiculous heat in georgia all summer. i go crazy without some kind of regular activity/exercise, so i was looking for something, and when i tried prenatal yoga it was a perfect fit.

the instructor brings her adorable six month old son with her, and she ties education and stories into the classes. she does a phenomenol job of teaching positive thinking patterns and breathing methods that will help during birthing. i am not a very bendy or coordinated person by nature, but all of the stretching feels great and i think my body needs the challenge. plus, working out in a room full of pregnant mamas and comparing notes is way more fun than working out alone at a gym when you still have a burrito belly.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

recently read for september 10, 2013

The Best of Me
By Nicholas Sparks
I think my Nicholas Sparks fan phase has passed. This story was so similar to his others that I just looked ahead to see who died so I wouldn't be stressed out about it while I read. It's the story of star-crossed high school lovers who break up and go separate ways in life only to reunite and realize neither of their lives panned out as they had hoped. It was still a decent read and toward the end I got sucked in and stayed up too late finishing it. My favorites from Sparks are A Walk to Remember, The Wedding and The Notebook.


Happy, Happy, Happy: My Life and Legacy as the Duck Commander
By Phil Robertson
Such an awesome, quick read! We love watching Duck Dynasty. Phil Robertson has an amazing life story and his work ethic and strong faith are what stuck out to me in his book, along with his love for family. The story of how he worked his way from humble beginnings and created a thriving business is very motivating. His testimony and the way he is able to so naturally incorporate his love and respect for God into everything is awesome too.


Confessions of a Raging Perfectionist
By Amanda Jenkins
I read this as part of a small group at my church, thinking maybe I could relate to perfectionism.  But nope, not so much.  I felt like the author wanted to believe what she was advising her readers in regards to getting rid of perfectionism, but she didn't yet, so it wasn't convincing. But that's just me - our group leader was enthralled with it.


My Foot is Too Big for the Glass Slipper
By Gabrielle Reece
LOVED this book and could not put it down! A short, easy read that is raw and honest and right up my alley. Reece is a former pro volleyball player and supermodel. (I wouldn't know who she was except that we were once both having coffee in the same cafe in Maui and the friend I was with explained her fame.) She gives it to ya straight in this book and I'd love to be friends with her in real life. The opening  is about how silly the concept of "happily ever after" is because 1) who does that actually happen to? and 2) would you really want your wedding to be the climax of your life with no grand adventures after that or obstacles to overcome? She talks about fitness, marriage, parenting, and making the most of life. It's different from anything I've read - not an autobiography but not quite self-help.


Looking for Alaska
By John Green
Good book - quick read and very different. It is young adult fiction and felt much more like young adult fiction than Green's bestselling novel, The Fault in our Stars. Miles goes to boarding school in Alabama in search of adventure really, and he certainly finds it in the friends he makes. It's a coming of age story with a big twist I did not see coming, and a very thoughtful ending.


The Circle Maker
By Mark Batterson
I was tickled to find this at a yard sale since our pastor had preached a series based off this book and highly recommended it. The girl at the yard sale told me it changed her life and would change mine. It is excellent, but halfway through it started getting a bit repetitive. Still left me challenged to pray BIGGER and more specific prayers, because when we pray vague prayers we really don't give God a chance to answer or our faith a shot at growing. His stories definitely grew my faith and stretched my thinking.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

pregnancy is ...


 
i was never someone who was super interested in pregnancy and babies. not that i didn't want kids, because having a family has always been my biggest dream - i just wasn't mesmerized by the pregnancy and newborn stage the way many women are. now that i'm pregnant, the tables have turned. i am a sponge, soaking up as much information as i can. i love talking to anyone about their pregnancies and birth stories, what baby gear they recommend, and anything else they feel like sharing.
 
slowly but surely i'm learning and feeling slightly more prepared to be a mom. whoa. until i say it like that - a mom?! maybe i should just say better educated and informed about this whole pregnancy and birth thing. here are some of my observations about pregnancy at 16 weeks ...
 
Pregnancy is ...
  • different for everyone! i'm incredibly thankful i'm not on bedrest like so many people i talk to, but the people who tell me they felt "soo great and soo energetic" during their pregnancy kinda make me sick. my friend elizabeth said, "those people are lying. they have to be." ha. (but really, i'm happy for you if that was your experience!)
  • peeing all the time. waking up in the night to pee. becoming familiar with public restrooms.
  • scouring the internet for baby bump pictures you previously found uninteresting, because now you are curious to see if your progress is normal week to week.
  • wanting to hug people who say they can't even tell you're pregnant, because you already feel fat. also wanting to start showing so people know you're pregnant, but knowing you will probably regret this wish when you do start getting big.
  • noticing strollers. before it was an occasional glance at the cute baby in the stroller, now it's checking out the actual stroller and how well it seems to be holding up. researching strollers online for the best deal for your budget. and once i narrowed it down i started talking to strangers who had the strollers i liked to see if they were happy with their decision. people are very eager to chat when it comes to all things baby related - it's amazing! babies seem to be the great equalizer.
  • heartburn for the first time in my life.
  • realizing that in spite of women having babies since the beginning of time there are still a million mysteries surrounding the process. some people "do everything right" and can't get pregnant or their baby is unhealthy, yet some people don't follow the most basic guidelines for a healthy pregnancy or even realize they are pregnant and their kids pop out healthy.
  • adding new words to your vocabulary. (i.e. bumbo, boppy, episiotomy)
  • a feeling of camaraderie with every other pregnant person i see. they probably don't feel that camaraderie with me yet because they can't tell i'm pregnant, but whatever.
  • feeling tired and sometimes nauseous.
  • noticing every smell. more during the first trimester for me than now in the second trimester.
  • being more annoyed than usual at people smoking in public.
  • getting hungry all the time. bad when you don't have an appetite or nothing sounds appealing. funny when you crave WEIRD stuff. i craved ramen in the worst way for two weeks, and the only other time i've eaten ramen in my whole life was on a camping trip in maui. one night we were at a restaurant and i told lance i just wanted to wait til we got home to have ramen. (and i did.) another day i was getting ready to make ramen and said, "i just want that hot broth so bad! it's so good!" and understandably he lost it and made fun of me. other cravings: sushi and hot dogs.
  • no more chocolate cravings. this surprised me.
  • crazy dreams at night. (ask lance for a funny story about one of mine.)
  • feeling out of control. i like how lance's cousin explained it to me - you feel so out of control with your body during pregnancy, but that's the perfect setup for parenting because you'll feel even more out of control once the kids are born.
  • dreaming. wondering. anticipation. trying to keep worries at bay by focusing on all the things my body has already done right. so much of pregnancy and the miracle of life and birth happens with so little effort from us, so why do we worry about it when we can't control it? it's a natural, timeless process and miracle.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Sweet Lorraine


I waited until a few days after this was showing up all over my newsfeed to watch it, because I knew it would make me all weepy. And it did. If you haven't watched it yet, enjoy - it is so dear!