pampers and parenting

My friend Kelly sent me this today. Pampers commercials always get me, and they pick the cutest babies. Be sure to click for English/subtitles if you watch - unless you know Japanese. (And if you know Japanese, please leave a comment ... because I'd love to know who reads my blog and knows Japanese.)

"Thank you for the most trying year of your life" sums it up well.

I haven't even reached the one year mark (almost 10 months!), but it's amazing how much has changed, and how much I've learned and grown. It is so scary at the beginning - when Dax slept I'd be worried about SIDS or if he was okay.  And the list of worries and fears goes on and on.

You can become a parent without knowing anything about babies and parenting. And let me tell you, I knew nothing. Sure I read books about it, but reading is no substitute for real life and experience. Even observing others isn't much help before you're the one doing it.

If being a mom has changed me at all, it has definitely made me less judgmental.

I can remember observing wild or misbehaving kids and thinking that the parents should really do something - and I probably had ideas in mind of what easy step could be taken to resolve the situation. Not any more. Now I think: maybe their kids are being a little wild, but that's okay ... because that mom is probably just really TIRED. I don't think it is possible to overestimate the effect that exhaustion can have on a person. And so I find myself with a much more gracious attitude than I ever did before.

{I still had no idea what was coming. NO IDEA. But even now, do I know what's coming? NOPE.}

Some parenting wisdom that has stuck with me ...

• Get to know your child. Nobody else knows your child like you do. This baby has been given to you, and you can do it. You can be an awesome mom (or dad) to this baby, and in fact, you're the best one for the job because God chose you. So listen to your baby and your instinct.
• Just when you think you have your baby figured out, they will switch it up. YES. Our friend Elizabeth said this when she dropped off a meal after Dax was born. And it certainly applied to Dax! For instance, month one: 'Oh you hate having your diaper changed, and love riding in your carseat?' Month two: 'Oh you love having your diaper changed, and hate riding in your carseat?' (And now back to hating diaper changes and, dare I say it, finally not screaming like an axe murderer is beside you in your carseat.)
• He (or she) will sleep eventually, and you won't feel this tired forever. My amazing friend Heather told me something like this, right in the middle of Dax just not sleeping, and it was just the best thing anyone could have said. Especially paired with her own story about her firstborn who would not sleep. (And she has five kids, so this is something to cling to when I think 'I cannot possibly have any more kids!') I thought of Heather saying that after sleepless nights (or napless days), because it felt like light at the end of a tunnel cheering me on.

{I don't think Dax really looks like himself here, but I still love this picture!}

It's a gift, being a mom. I feel the weight of that gift when I think of how many people long for a child and don't have one. Or when people lose a child. Last weekend at church, a couple shared their story of losing their second baby a few hours after he was born. Tears were rolling down my face when his mom got to the part of where he reached out for her because he recognized her voice - all those months inside of her, listening to her, hearing his parents prayers for his life.

I don't tear up at people's stories and at Pampers commercials because I want to quit. (Well, sometimes I want to quit.) I tear up more now than I ever have before in my life because since the day Dax was born, my heart was different. Bigger maybe, and somehow softer and stronger all at once. I don't have words for what's different, but the tears are usually there to fill in the gaps. It is true when parents tell their kids, "You'll never know how much I love you." But when you have your own babies, I think you start to understand what they meant a little bit better. And one of the things I want most for Dax is to always know how loved he is.

finals week

Lance has finals this week, and I am taking on the anxiety and remembering how much I HATED finals week in college. The worst. 

{We love weekends.}

He is a champ. His finals schedule is way worse than anything I ever did, because he works the night shift and barely gets any sleep. And he has a family. And he has a long commute. And his schedule for finals week is literally terrible: one today at 3:30, tomorrow at 8 a.m. (with working 9-3am in between those!), and two on Friday. Plus out of five classes, he has four cumulative finals.

Please pray for him this week. When I was the one taking finals I was asking my mom to pray for me every day and night. And my friends. And now I am still doing the same for my husband, because apparently I can't even handle pressure when it's someone else's pressure. Oy.

And not even midway through the month, but I'm stuck on what to write about. Ideas? This goal of posting daily may quickly spiral out of control and into daily word vomit diary entries. Dun dun dun!

Easy recipes

Easy recipes are the best, right? And so I present five of my favorite, SUPER EASY recipes.

Korean Beef and Rice from Six Sisters Stuff. 
Perfect if you forgot to plan ahead for dinner.


Drip Beef Sandwiches from the Pioneer Woman.
Ridiculously delicious, and all you do is throw it in the crockpot. (Sidenote: I have yet to make anything from the Pioneer Woman that we did not love.)


Slow Cooker Cheesy Enchilada Quinoa from Chelsea's MessyApron.
Simple, healthy, and we always have leftovers. Which we like.


Easy Stromboli
1 Pillsbury crusty french loaf
thin layer of Ranch dressing or honey mustard
1/4 lb sliced turkey
1 C shredded cheddar

Lay dough on greased cookie sheet. Spread dressing, meat and cheese. Roll up tightly from the short side, pinch seams together, and place seam side down. Sprinkle lightly with oregano. Bake for 20 minutes at 375.

Sausage & Spinach Pasta
1/2 lb sausage
diced onions
penne or rotini pasta
1/4 lb fresh spinach

Brown the sausage. Add diced onion. Cook pasta. When cooked, add sausage, onions and spinach. Mix well. Serve sprinkled with parmesan cheese.

What are your easy go-to recipes?

Yesterday

I set a silly little goal to post something on my blog every day this month. I meant to try that in October along with Nester and a lot of other cool bloggers, but I couldn't come up with a theme I liked. So here I am, just posting whatever I feel like posting.

{Wedged between two pieces of furniture and loving it.}

Yesterday was sort of a funny day in "mom life."

Dax and I checked out a free toddler gym, and there were two other moms wearing the same shirt I had on. It made me feel like a real deal mom - realizing that I dress like a mom. This shouldn't be a bad thing, but somehow dressing like a mom feels like a bad thing. And it figures that on the rare occasion I put a bit of effort into my appearance (read: not wearing yoga pants and sweatshirt), I would be wearing the same shirt as other moms.

Later we stopped by The Mennonite Home to visit my grandma and step-grandma. We almost got lost in the maze leading to the Alzheimer's unit where my grandma lives, but finally made it. We introduced ourselves and talked to her for a short bit - as long as I could make conversation without getting too sad about how she is no longer really herself.

On the up side, we got to watch every single face in that circle of recliners light up at the sight of Dax. "Isn't he a beauty! Look at those eyes, oh my!"

He was like a little baby therapist in the hallways too, bringing a smile to everyone's face - even the employees who stopped to talk to him. Such a blast. Except for when people try to touch him. That's tricky to get away from.

I kept saying hello to people as we passed them in the hallways, because I feel rude just speeding on by. But then I have to wonder if they're trying to figure out if they should know me or not. Maybe next time: "Hi there! You don't know us. Just saying hello to show we have manners and be kind. Have a good day!"

When we left my grandma's area, I was wondering how we would find my step-grandma's room because I'd already forgotten the number the receptionist told me. And just like that she walked right out of the elevator we were about to get on.

We walked with her to get her mail, and then back to her room. My step-grandpa passed away two weeks ago, so she had lots of cards and I got the job of reading them to her!

{Harry, my step-grandpa}

I was tearing up at the first one, because it had such a sweet handwritten note from someone who had them for church youth advisors years ago. She said they were like her second parents. My step-grandparents, Harry and Evie, were married for 72 years before Harry died, and they have quite a legacy.

The other cards weren't so personal, but I struggled my way through deciphering all of the cursive. Maybe it's not such a bad thing that cursive is being phased out of schools? Meh, but it is.

Dax was not happy I wouldn't let him push Evie's walker, which he apparently mistook for a better version of his toy walker at home. She was glad to see us, but we didn't stay long because 1) Dax can't be contained for long and 2) we were her fourth visitors that day, so I figured she needed a nap. And so did Dax. ;)

Later that evening, close to his bedtime he came into the kitchen where I was cleaning up and proceeded to projectile vomit TWICE. It was the first time he ever threw up,  so I got to see what I was made of as a mom and deal with that. My sweet little buddy must have had a virus, but thankfully today he seemed to be recovering.

I think this (and sleep deprivation) is why I rarely blog anymore.

I reread what I just wrote, and it seems ... insignificant.

But I guess it's good to write so that I remember. Because even though it feels like I won't look back and miss this ... I probably will. Not just because everyone tells me that over and over, but because it is usually the ordinary stuff that I look back on and miss.

{Dax: investigator of everything and future chef extraordinaire]

Like playing outside in our yard with my brother while my mom gardened. Rolling down hills, building forts, playing baseball, catching fireflies.You do that for so many days and you're a kid so you never think twice about it, but before you know it you're a mom wearing mom clothes and that feels like a million years ago.

Or spending Sunday afternoons at my grandparents. Sometimes it was really, really boring. But before you know it those people are gone, and you realize how many special memories you made and you'd give anything to step back into that place - the smells, the food (always the food), and the conversation.

Or the weekends during college where I would just hang out with my girlfriends. The seemingly insignificant Friday nights at Becky or Sarah's house, talking to their parents, playing with the dogs, going to the movies, binging on food (always the food), hot tubbing in the winter. Sometimes it felt boring, and I think we occasionally wished that we had boyfriends or were doing crazier stuff like most people our age. But I can't tell you how much I TREASURE those memories now. (And how glad I am that we skipped the crazy stuff.)

Oh life. :)

Sarah + Ebola in Sierra Leone

{2011 just standing in fields of wheat at Meagan's wedding}

One of my best friends, Sarah, is heading to Sierra Leone to help with Ebola. She is a R.N. and we have been friends since high school. We bonded over craving milkshakes during field hockey practice. This led to trips to Friendly's where I would drink an entire milkshake before my meal arrived and no longer be hungry, and Sarah would laugh at me. Our field hockey "careers" definitely did not last, but our friendship did. (As well as our mild to extreme dislike for the snobbery at our high school.)

 {2013 our beloved group of high school friends at my wedding}

{2006 "Senior Week" at Outer Banks.}

 { NYC trip circa 2009 - me, Sarah, Alecia}

You are headed to Sierra Leone to help with Ebola. What organization are you going with? How long do you plan to be there?
I am going with International Medical Corps, and right now the plan is to be there for 3 months.

So when I first found out you were actually applying to go, I freaked out. Now I'm over that (mostly), but what do you say to people who think you're crazy for going?

I still think it's funny that you were so freaked out, since I asked you about applying before I actually did it, and you said, "Yeah, go for it!" I actually don't think that anyone has told me to my face that I'm crazy. My mom's coworkers (Sarah's mom is also a nurse.) are pretty freaked out that they're all going to get infected by way of me infecting my mom when I get back. I just roll my eyes at that. Fear is a wild beast. I guess the bottom line is that we're all made and gifted differently. We don't have the same fears. I don't fear ebola, but I am afraid of parallel parking. How dangerous is it? It's definitely something to be taken seriously and respected. The danger, I suspect, is somewhat proportionate to where you are living in the world.

How dangerous do you think Ebola is?

It's definitely something to be taken seriously and respected. The danger, I suspect, is somewhat proportionate to where you are living in the world.

How is Ebola treated?

From what I understand, treatment is mostly aimed at managing symptoms rather than treating the cause. For example, patients may have fever, vomiting and diarrhea, or they may be bleeding internally. To replace what they're losing, you give them IV fluids. But then you have to be careful because a patient may continue to bleed from his or her IV site for days. So you try to manage that with pressure dressings.

Is there a high need for volunteers?

Right now I'm really not sure about the need for volunteers. Weeks ago I saw reports that medical staff were desperately needed. We'll see!

{photo credit: Google images}

What other countries have you traveled to and lived in doing mission/aid/service work?

I lived in Haiti for about 3 years. Other than that, I spent about 5 months in the Philippines, and I've made a few week-long trips to Honduras and Peru in high school and college. 

What do you anticipate Sierra Leone being like? What are you most excited for, and what are you dreading? 

I hope it will remind me a little bit of Haiti but with it's own customs and attitude. I expect it will be hot. :-) Other than that, I don't go into it with many expectations. I am excited to see a new place. I'm not sure what to dread yet! Probably the suit. I'm claustrophobic and I am a little bit worried about feeling trapped when my goggles start to fog up.

When you were in Haiti you helped with cholera. What was that like? Do you think the Sierra Leone situation will be similar to that? Or more/less intense?

I'm not sure I could ever quite explain what cholera was like. I was already living in Saint-Marc when cholera happened. A lot of what I remember most is from the beginning when nobody knew what was going on or what to do about it. Masses of people just showed up to medical facilities, so you put them wherever you found a space, whether that was on a table, bench, a piece of cardboard, or the ground. I took pieces of trash off the ground to tie IV bags up to a tree. Then when we finally went home, we would boil our clothes and wash in bleach because we didn't know how easily it spread. I do still wish that I had a picture of us stirring our scrubs with a broom handle in a giant black kettle we borrowed from YWAM.

The situation with ebola will be somewhat different. This time I'm going to the disaster instead of it coming to me. There will be training and organization (like beds for patients!). I'm thinking we'll have electricity, which will be a big plus on the nightshift! But I do expect that there will be a lot of similarities between the two situations. It's still a contagious disease epidemic. I think it will be less frantic but more intense. Cholera is cured a lot easier.

What is it about nonprofit/mission work that you love?

I don't know that I necessarily have a love for mission/aid work. It's really kind of amusing and ironic that I'm voluntarily going out with a big humanitarian organization. For years I've made it clear that I am not a humanitarian. Something I noticed when hosting medical teams in Haiti is that there can be big differences between "missionaries" and "humanitarian aid workers." I always joked that the difference was that humanitarians have no heart. (This is a gross generalization and I mean no offense - I do know some caring, genuine aid workers.) What I really enjoy is the medical work I get to do in these places. As a child, I was a very dedicated Dr. Quinn fan. I always wanted to be her, and this is kind of like that.

Any advice for someone toying with the idea of trying it out?

My advice: try something! Go somewhere and see what you think. You may love it or you may hate it. It's definitely not for everybody (especially if you like being clean and well-groomed). But I think a lot of people believe they can't do something until they get put into a situation. If you want specific advice, let me know! :-)

Just how hot will it be in Sierra Leone?

It will be hot! It's really close to the equator. And, from what I've heard, it's really humid.

Can we send you packages?

No packages. But you can send emails! ;-) 

pray for the dukes family

Please pray for the Dukes family. I do not know them personally, but it seems like almost all of my YWAM Maui friends do. Their 19-month-old son, Trucker, was just diagnosed with neuroblastoma (cancer). They have four kids, and their dad is a firefighter. I've been reading updates from friends, and it just wrecks me to think of the pain. Tears and prayers, every time I read about them or they cross my mind. You can donate here. (And that's where I snagged the photos - never quite sure if that's legal? Hmm.)

Something Trucker's dad posted ...

Aloha family,
THIS IS JOSHUA, hacking my wives facebook she left her i-pad at the hospital. I have been trying to think about how I could respond to all the love and support everyone has been blessing us with. I figured I could reach the most people on Shauna's facebook. 

What we have been going through with our youngest son Trucker being diagnosed with late stage neuroblastoma is hands down the hardest thing we have ever been through. My wife would probably say it's harder than labor and that looks insane! This trial I think at times could crush me. If I'm honest there has been times that it has been close. But there has been something amazing I have experienced through all this. Many of you when we have talked have said the same thing. "I don't even have words to say to you!" I want to tell you something, you don't need words. Your actions speak louder than they ever could. Yes this is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through, but we have an ARMY of people standing with us, and at times picking us up. I can feel your prayers. God is using you to bring us peace, bring us hope and show us love through your actions. 

I don't pretend to know Gods plan, but I know that wherever it takes us, even if the outcome is not what I want we will still have peace. I know that the friendships this ohana has will help and is helping carry us through the burdens we cary. The love and community we are experiencing is indescribable. Thank you for being there for Trucker. Thank you for being there for my ohana, and thank you for being there for me. 

I know that God is good, even when my baby is suffering, because He gave me friends like you. Please continue to pray for Trucker. Pray that his pain would ease. Pray that the treatment the doctors give him would cure his cancer. Pray that the chemo would not damage Truckers heart, hearing, organs and health. Pray for my wife and children, and pray for me to have wisdom to navigate my family down this road. I have learned some things through this and they are God is in control even when life is not. 

Every day is a gift. Every day you can wake up and kiss your baby is something to give thanks for. Every day with your spouse, your loved ones, your keiki is something to cherish. We are not promised tomorrow, so make the most of this day God has given you. By saying that I want to tell all of you who have been there for the Dukes ohana I appreciate you, I am grateful for you and I love you. We got some more bad news today, but we are going to fight with everything we've got. That is all I can do. Thank you for standing with us in prayer, thank you for serving us with all your help, thank you for blessing us financially. My words won't do my gratitude justice. Stay strong with us, for Trucker Boy. 

With all my love and aloha, 
Joshua

talking and teething necklaces

Lance was saying "ball" repeatedly to Dax at breakfast, because he has started to come close to saying the word. Dax was staring at him and just said, "Dad." He has been saying "da da da ..." for awhile, but this was the first time it was completely dad, and it could not have been funnier. Later Lance was saying "mom" over and over, and Dax just started saying "dadada" over and over. 

Dax has been sporting an amber teething necklace. I had heard many moms swear  by these things, and never thought about it until the other weekend when I felt like I would not be able to keep living like this (no sleep) and was willing to TRY ANYTHING. A friend on Facebook was venting about a similar situation, and everyone commented that she needed to get her son an amber teething necklace. I had totally forgotten about them. Bought one that day. It seems to have a positive effect on him. I am wary to recommend them or attribute the positive progress to the beads ... because 1)really? and 2) what I read from CREDIBLE sources says there is no science behind this. But I'm still a fan. Lance  says it "kills him to see Dax wearing a necklace, but if it helps - who cares."

Right now Dax is loving ...

- climbing the steps, preferably right when the parent watching him has just sat down to eat something

- opening every cabinet and drawer, climbing inside

- trying to sneak into the bathroom

- sitting outside the bathroom if someone is in there

- going new places, meeting new people (as always)

- his Praise Baby DVD (nothing else captivates him on TV)

- being toted around (nothing new here)

- standing and walking with his walker

- sticking his tongue out, seems like a subconscious habit (adorable)

- laughing at anyone saying BOO, especially Dad

- the refrigerator and the dishwasher! you've got to be QUICK in these parts, or he is climbing inside of them at lightning speed. the microwave, sink, and bathtub are also intriguing.

- Mimi (again, not a new love so much as a constant)

- wheels, trains, things that move

- cousin Lana, of course

- swinging

- knocking things down

- strings