beauty in a life well lived

when i was five years old, my mom lost her dad. he was an outstanding person. taken from earth so suddenly and way too soon, only in his fifties. he was someone people gravitated to. he would go out of his way and do anything to help someone. a hard worker, a great laugh, a talker and incredibly kind and generous. his funeral was standing room only.

i like to think i have an exceptional memory. part of this is because i talk about memories.  i think when we stop doing that - telling stories, or remembering things together - that's when we start to forget. and why would you ever want to forget the stories?!

so even though i was a munchkin when he died, i still have enough memories of grandpa to remember him.

i always remember how a person makes me feel, and he made me feel great.

grandpa was always happy to see me, happy to "sneak" me money when we left his house, happy to pull me or any of his other grandkids into his lap, happy to talk (and talk and talk) to the people around him wherever he was, happy to let me try on his hats, happy to help me climb the ladder on the back of their van (oh the 80s and 90s!), happy to have a strawberry milkshake or raspberry ice cream (or was it vice versa?), happy to lift me up to pull the air horn on his tractor trailer truck.

my mom and her dad were very close. what they had was special.

and my dad was close to my grandpa (his father-in-law) too. this really piques my interest because for my dad to respect someone as much as he respected my grandpa really says a lot. i so wish i could have known my grandpa longer.

grandpa wore hats all the time and he always had a toothpick in his mouth. i remember cleaning out his truck with my mom after he died - toothpicks everywhere. now i have a salt and pepper shaker and toothpick holder in my apartment from my grandma - all shaped like bright florida oranges, something he used to deliver. i love it.

i still remember the day (cold, dark, during the blizzard of 1993) when we got the call that grandpa had been killed. i had no idea what was going on but we were being quiet. my dad is in and out of this memory for me, but he was definitely there. my mom was in her room with the door closed, on the phone for a long time. later we we sat on colby's bed with duke (his dog) and butterball (my bear) and my parents told us what happened. i don't remember what they said.

i do remember they asked if we understood and if we had any questions and with genuine concern i asked, "who's going to make sure all the fruit gets delivered now?"

i think i knew from that young age that life is precious.

you never know how long life is going to last, and everything can change in an instant. so you spend time with people and you tell them what they mean to you. and when you love someone you tell them. but even if you do those things it still hurts like nothing else when a person is gone from this earth.

so today my heart is heavy for some families who have lost dearly loved ones this week. the families of tom, daniel, and hope.

tom was 55. beautiful, sweet wife and four kids, a couple grandchildren too. he had staph infection a few months ago and apparently it never went away, because he went into a coma and died a few days ago. we know tom through lance's best friend eric's family. whenever lance is in lancaster we go out to the cat's meow with eric's parents. (they are like his second parents.) they are regulars and have the same table every friday night, and tom and his wife are always at their table too. it's awesome. and so is that restaurant - it is the cheers of manheim. and manheim itself is a small town treasure of america. everyone knows everybody and their main streets even look nostalgic.

what i'll remember about tom was something he said a few days before lance and i got married. everyone was giving us horrible advice about marriage and joking around to begin with. then something was on tv about gay marriage laws, and the conversation switched to that debate. tom's comment: "i don't know why they have to make such a big deal about it - just let 'em be miserable like the rest of us!" followed by a quick apology to me for saying that, probably due to whatever bewildered look i had on my face. after tom died they had a party for him at cat's (as the locals call the place) because that's what he wanted. i like that.

daniel was 28. wife, two sons, and another baby due in a few weeks. he died today after a construction accident. we went to the same high school but i didn't really know him - just his younger brother. they were both talented photographers. i didn't actually get to know daniel until he photographed colby and cindy's wedding. he did a great job. really nice guy.

besides their wedding, my other memory of him is brief but classic chelsea. i was on a hike with lance and wanted to a picture of me hanging from a tree branch. so i was jumping and making crazy faces and falling and redoing the pose again while lance snapped the pictures (that i look crazy in a crazy-crazy way, not so much the fun-crazy i can only hope i was going for) when i felt someone watching me. it was some guy with a really nice camera - daniel. so embarassing. he was pausing from family pictures to talk to us.

hearing daniel died shocked me. my heart is so heavy for his wife and kids. i pray for them like i hope others would pray for me if i were in that situation. i pray in tongues because i run out of words but i know God hears and i know we all have hope.

and hope. hope recently turned 1. she died today too. she had hypoplastic left heart syndrome. i did not know her, but her mom, amy, was on staff with YWAM Maui. so i've prayed for hope along with probably thousands of people around the globe. if you're medical (unlike me) and curious about hope's story, you can read amy's blog: mending hearts and bending knees.

sometimes with blogging i feel like i should wrap it up at the end of the post, have something sweet or happy to end on. probably because i only like movies with happy endings.

the only good ending to this is that some of these people i wrote about are now with Jesus. that's the best ending there is. it's not even an ending. the Bible is the greatest rescue story ever. if we believe in Jesus and that he died and rose again to forgive all our sins ... we get to be SAVED. from the wrath of God. saved from our own sin and from destruction and an awful ending. being saved, knowing Jesus - it's the happiest "ending."

but my heart still hurts for these families.

to top off all this news about death, here's a video about life and death too.

 i was crying watching it because i cry when someone else cries. (so if you ever want someone to cry with, i am probably your girl!) but it's actually an encouraging video - because there is so much BEAUTY in a life well lived.