grandma

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die."

[poem by mary elizabeth frye]

i knew i wanted to speak at grandma shank's funeral when i was asked, but i had no idea that i had so much to say. i had to stop myself from writing down memories and things i admired or remembered about grandma as i prepared what i was going to say the night before. i just love her so much. i had no idea it would be so hard to say goodbye to grandma shank.

i actually wrote that down as the first thing to say when i shared, but crossed it off during the funeral because i was crying too much and knew saying that would make me cry more. but it turned out just opening with, "i'm chelsea. my parents are joe and cheryl and i had the privilege of growing up right down the street from grandma and pappy ..." was apparently way too much and i sobbed anyway.

i thought because she had a little dementia and was living in a nursing home that i would be a-okay with her death and probably not even cry. that thought is downright laughable to me now, because i was a mess at her burial and funeral, and i have cried several times since.

the crying usually starts for grandma and connects to other things, and sometimes it's intercession. (it has probably progressed to travail at the rate i cry sometimes!)

my simple introduction was cause enough for tears because all day i was realizing what a "constant" grandma has always been in my life. in the years when my dad was all over the place and after my parents separated and divorced, grandma's house right down the street was an unchanging getaway. always a rhythm and routine, always someone there. most kids love going to their grandparents house any time, but living right down the street from them really created a special bond.

even though i always felt more of a connection to pappy than to grandma, i spent more time overall with grandma and her death is taking a lot more processing for me than pappy's did.

i felt like something in pappy's spirit and mine was similar. grandma talked nonstop and that's not really me at all. she also talked loudly, and i have trouble raising my voice and am told frequently to speak louder.

i learned from someone talking to my mom and me at the funeral on monday, that benny (pappy) always said that he never had to worry about what to say when he was out on a date with arlene (grandma), because she would just talk and talk and talk.

i never heard that tidbit before. it was not surprising, but extra special and amusing to me because that is what my dad has always said (among other things) about my mom - that he liked that he didn't have to worry about what to say when they were on dates, because she talked so much.

hearing my dad say that when i was in high school always kind of crushed me, because i was not a chatterbox and wondered how i'd ever fare on dates. turns out i had nothing to worry about. (and hearing lance talk about how hard he had to work to get me to talk to him before we started dating will probably always bring me a slightly twisted amount of joy.)

it seems to be the case with death that you learn a lot of things you never knew about the person who died. i learned that when grandma shank was only eight years old she could hear her own mother talking while she was hemorrhaging to death downstairs. my great uncle warren said that he and grandma were closer than any of the others (she was one of 12 siblings) and that she was ornery. pappy's sister, great aunt dorothy, said that grandma was like a sister to her.

i learned from one of the "lemon" brothers (lemon is actually leaman and camel is actually campbell, but lehman is lehman in this family, for reasons i'm semi-certain no one could explain.) that his dad told pappy one day that he had a house he could have if he had a wife. pappy said, "oh that's no problem i'll ask her tonight." and he asked grandma to marry him and after their wedding it was into the house at the mann farm they moved. or so mr. lemon's story goes. and i hope it's true because it's just so funny.

even though everyone who knew grandma was at her funeral and heard this already, i thought i'd post what i shared at the funeral for my own future recollection.

{every christmas i would show grandma my gift from her - because she just gave my mom money to buy something for us from her to save herself from shopping for 17 grandchildren - and she'd say, "oh i see, isn't that neat, well yeah sweetie, grandma's real happy she got that for you." } 

E. Arlene Hess Shank

October 12, 1926 - May 23, 2013

5 children, 17 grandchildren and 35+ great-grandchildren

what i read at grandma shank's funeral on monday, may 27, 2013

my grandma was a fighter. she never gave up and she wasn't scared of anything. she worked harder than an ox and she thought hard work could cure everything.  she had a high respect for church and government leaders, and faithfully prayed for them whether she agreed with them or not. 

she was the best cook. i know everyone says that about their grandma, but grandma shank really was the best. even her potatoes were the best buttered potatoes you could imagine.

she loved good food and passed that love on to her family. i have a tendency to say "this is the best (fill in the blank) ever!" when i'm eating something good, and so did grandma. every sunday we would get a pizza from papa joe's and she would always say, "this is the best pizza i've ever tasted. this is even better than the one last time, don't you think so joseph?" 

then she would inquire about the pizza shop owner, and their family. she made a personal connection to everyone. she knew the deli clerks at mussers, the people who pumped her gas, every neighbor, everyone she went to church with - no one was a stranger to grandma shank.

one weekend when i was about 12, i opted to spend the night at grandma shank's house instead of staying home alone. it was close to bedtime and we were in the kitchen. i was sitting at the bar while she bustled about the kitchen. she was talking up a storm while i was eating pumpkin pie. (my favorite of all of grandma's delicious creations.)

suddenly someone was banging on the glass door beside me and before i could even scream, grandma was yelling, "COME ON IN!" no one who knew grandma and pappy would ever enter their house through those glass doors by the deck, and i was positive we were both about to get murdered. 

grandma was laughing and saying she wondered who it could be at such a late hour. a man stepped inside and grandma said, "who is it sweetie?" as if i had any clue who this man she invited inside was. the man started to say his truck ran out of gas and he had walked up the hill to her house - the closest one he had spotted with a light on. (still, a long walk through those river hills.) he needed a ride - could she help? "oh i can't, but my son will. JOZEPH! JOZEPH! ... go in and get him sweetie." 

she was offering the man pie while i ran in to the living room to wake my dad up on the sofa. "what's going on?" my dad said. i explained and he said, "you just left her out there with him?!" "what?! yes! dad, YOU get out there!" "oh geez, who knows where i'm gonna have to take him."

then when my dad stepped into the kitchen it was the stranger's turn to be afraid of the mountain of a man who had just been woken up.  but he took the man where he needed to go and helped him, just like grandma requested.

and even though my heart was racing and i was thanking God for sparing our lives, grandma didn't show one iota of fear. because no one was a stranger to her. and she really believed in the God that she so faithfully prayed to and served - the God who loves and protects His people. i was in awe of her bravery and spunk that night, and i still am.

when i got older she talked about how she regretted not being a better grandma. she was too hard on herself. i respect the way she always kept growing and improving. she did not settle for regrets, she worked to change and she never settled into a rut with old age.

she started saying "i love you" more and giving out more hugs, the older i got. she became more affectionate, giving more hugs and more kisses once she moved into fairmount homes.

she lived with purpose every day. she was a bright light, full of hope, even when she had dementia. i loved when i would visit her and could hear her singing from down the hallway. 

there was a constant buzz with grandma. her volume ebbed and flowed from talking loudly, yelling to someone or singing. even when she would be reading the Bible or her Daily Bread devotional, she still whisper-read it out loud.

"trust and obey" and "what a friend we have in jesus" and the other songs she sang were not just songs, they were the truth that she abided in each and every day.

grandma's laugh was the best and it came so easily. i can still vividly hear her laugh followed by an, "oh benny!" or "oh joe!" or "oh johnny!" 

any time i feel like i am channeling grandma shank is a proud moment, whether it is baking something great, or humming or singing without realizing it, listening to preachers on the radio, or pointing out the beauty in the landscape, the flowers, or the song of the birds. 

grandma is an easy person to celebrate. one of the things i admired and loved most about grandma is the way that she made every person she was with feel special. it was impossible to visit grandma shank without leaving feeling happier than when you arrived.

{think this is my cousin allison? but she wasn't sure. anyone know?}

i ended there because it was already too long. when i got back to georgia i showed lance my handwritten speech and there was a paragraph at the end i crossed off. he said that part was really good and i should have read it too, but i said it was too personal. plus i'd started it and barely scratched the surface. it was a little "grandma, you taught me ..." but who knows how long that could end up being.

she wasn't perfect, but grandma taught me so much of what it means to be a good wife, to love Jesus with your life and not just your words, to love people, and to never give up. she has always been one of the most positive people in my life, always cheerful - and i really want to live like that too.

"Dear Lord, Take up the tangled strands, Where we have wrought in vain,
That by the skill of Thy dear hands Some beauty may remain.

Transformed by grace divine, The glory shall be Thine;

To Thy most holy will, O Lord, We now our all resign."

~ old hymn called "Transformed" quoted by Great Uncle Oliver at the funeral~

getting old(er)

so 25 is not old, i know. but this week i am feeling old. how come?

1. as referenced in my last post, i knew three people who died. in one week. 
2. my beloved grandma shank is dying too, and i am expecting a call any minute letting me know she passed.
3. i said to lance, "i guess that's what getting old is. you just start knowing more and more people who die." he said no, but i'm not convinced. 
4.  last weekend we were at a friends house til merely 2 a.m. and the next day i was SO TIRED. lance and i both took naps. (it had been a really full saturday but still, what the heck?!) we talked about how we get tired much quicker than back when we were first started dating and could stay up until all hours of the night and still go into work the next day, no problem. i was fretting and saying i hope we're not always so tired. lance said, "that's what marriage is. being tired together." he was joking, but i still freaked out because i hate that thought - and refuse to believe it.
5.  i bought night cream for my face yesterday. i was looking for something else at cvs and saw it and decided to go for it. tried it last night and my face felt amazing this morning. (maybe i'm behind on this though, i never really know what i should be doing for my skin/makeup/hair, gah.)
6. i'm researching washers and dryers to buy and i am really excited about it. our apartment complex has several laundromats that we've been paying to use, but we have already had so many laundry debacles ... and hate wasting time running back and forth ... that we decided this investment will be worth it. i am very much looking forward to being able to do laundry at home, yay!

i am trying to think of reasons to counter those things with that i am still young ... all i can think of is that i am in great shape. and i still like wearing a bikini. someone once told me to cherish your body before you have kids, because it will never be the same. eeek. and to enjoy wearing a bikini then too. so i do. because i totally wasted time in high school always thinking my stomach was fat ... ?! i was tiny! confidence makes a world of difference. so does actually working out to be healthy and in shape versus watching what you eat to be skinny. sigh. i was just hit with one of the best parts of getting old: wisdom.

another reason i'm not afraid of getting old is because i have always admired people who are older than me. in general i prefer hanging out with people older than me. i adore senior citizens too. i might just have an old soul. people (jennifer aniston, my mom, george clooney, michelle pfeiffer, etc) still look great at all ages, so ya know, it's all good. really, really good actually.

beauty in a life well lived

when i was five years old, my mom lost her dad. he was an outstanding person. taken from earth so suddenly and way too soon, only in his fifties. he was someone people gravitated to. he would go out of his way and do anything to help someone. a hard worker, a great laugh, a talker and incredibly kind and generous. his funeral was standing room only.

i like to think i have an exceptional memory. part of this is because i talk about memories.  i think when we stop doing that - telling stories, or remembering things together - that's when we start to forget. and why would you ever want to forget the stories?!

so even though i was a munchkin when he died, i still have enough memories of grandpa to remember him.

i always remember how a person makes me feel, and he made me feel great.

grandpa was always happy to see me, happy to "sneak" me money when we left his house, happy to pull me or any of his other grandkids into his lap, happy to talk (and talk and talk) to the people around him wherever he was, happy to let me try on his hats, happy to help me climb the ladder on the back of their van (oh the 80s and 90s!), happy to have a strawberry milkshake or raspberry ice cream (or was it vice versa?), happy to lift me up to pull the air horn on his tractor trailer truck.

my mom and her dad were very close. what they had was special.

and my dad was close to my grandpa (his father-in-law) too. this really piques my interest because for my dad to respect someone as much as he respected my grandpa really says a lot. i so wish i could have known my grandpa longer.

grandpa wore hats all the time and he always had a toothpick in his mouth. i remember cleaning out his truck with my mom after he died - toothpicks everywhere. now i have a salt and pepper shaker and toothpick holder in my apartment from my grandma - all shaped like bright florida oranges, something he used to deliver. i love it.

i still remember the day (cold, dark, during the blizzard of 1993) when we got the call that grandpa had been killed. i had no idea what was going on but we were being quiet. my dad is in and out of this memory for me, but he was definitely there. my mom was in her room with the door closed, on the phone for a long time. later we we sat on colby's bed with duke (his dog) and butterball (my bear) and my parents told us what happened. i don't remember what they said.

i do remember they asked if we understood and if we had any questions and with genuine concern i asked, "who's going to make sure all the fruit gets delivered now?"

i think i knew from that young age that life is precious.

you never know how long life is going to last, and everything can change in an instant. so you spend time with people and you tell them what they mean to you. and when you love someone you tell them. but even if you do those things it still hurts like nothing else when a person is gone from this earth.

so today my heart is heavy for some families who have lost dearly loved ones this week. the families of tom, daniel, and hope.

tom was 55. beautiful, sweet wife and four kids, a couple grandchildren too. he had staph infection a few months ago and apparently it never went away, because he went into a coma and died a few days ago. we know tom through lance's best friend eric's family. whenever lance is in lancaster we go out to the cat's meow with eric's parents. (they are like his second parents.) they are regulars and have the same table every friday night, and tom and his wife are always at their table too. it's awesome. and so is that restaurant - it is the cheers of manheim. and manheim itself is a small town treasure of america. everyone knows everybody and their main streets even look nostalgic.

what i'll remember about tom was something he said a few days before lance and i got married. everyone was giving us horrible advice about marriage and joking around to begin with. then something was on tv about gay marriage laws, and the conversation switched to that debate. tom's comment: "i don't know why they have to make such a big deal about it - just let 'em be miserable like the rest of us!" followed by a quick apology to me for saying that, probably due to whatever bewildered look i had on my face. after tom died they had a party for him at cat's (as the locals call the place) because that's what he wanted. i like that.

daniel was 28. wife, two sons, and another baby due in a few weeks. he died today after a construction accident. we went to the same high school but i didn't really know him - just his younger brother. they were both talented photographers. i didn't actually get to know daniel until he photographed colby and cindy's wedding. he did a great job. really nice guy.

besides their wedding, my other memory of him is brief but classic chelsea. i was on a hike with lance and wanted to a picture of me hanging from a tree branch. so i was jumping and making crazy faces and falling and redoing the pose again while lance snapped the pictures (that i look crazy in a crazy-crazy way, not so much the fun-crazy i can only hope i was going for) when i felt someone watching me. it was some guy with a really nice camera - daniel. so embarassing. he was pausing from family pictures to talk to us.

hearing daniel died shocked me. my heart is so heavy for his wife and kids. i pray for them like i hope others would pray for me if i were in that situation. i pray in tongues because i run out of words but i know God hears and i know we all have hope.

and hope. hope recently turned 1. she died today too. she had hypoplastic left heart syndrome. i did not know her, but her mom, amy, was on staff with YWAM Maui. so i've prayed for hope along with probably thousands of people around the globe. if you're medical (unlike me) and curious about hope's story, you can read amy's blog: mending hearts and bending knees.

sometimes with blogging i feel like i should wrap it up at the end of the post, have something sweet or happy to end on. probably because i only like movies with happy endings.

the only good ending to this is that some of these people i wrote about are now with Jesus. that's the best ending there is. it's not even an ending. the Bible is the greatest rescue story ever. if we believe in Jesus and that he died and rose again to forgive all our sins ... we get to be SAVED. from the wrath of God. saved from our own sin and from destruction and an awful ending. being saved, knowing Jesus - it's the happiest "ending."

but my heart still hurts for these families.

to top off all this news about death, here's a video about life and death too.

 i was crying watching it because i cry when someone else cries. (so if you ever want someone to cry with, i am probably your girl!) but it's actually an encouraging video - because there is so much BEAUTY in a life well lived.

friday favorites for 5.17.13

"Pumpcast News, Part 1" - The Tonight Show

This will make you smile. What a fun couple.

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Written in response to newspaper reporter consistently making the list for the worst jobs to have:

"Worst job in the world? Then why have I heard so many former reporters describe their regret over having left the profession? Yes, it probably would be a bad job for someone who isn’t interested in politics, crime, breaking news, art, sports, the markets and every other aspect of the world around us. If you don’t enjoy reading and can’t put together a simple declarative sentence, it would probably be misery. If you keep score in life based strictly on how much money you make, it’s probably not for you. If you can’t deal with moments of intense pressure, stay away. If you can’t stomach the ugly truth about some of the horrible things we humans do, you won’t last. But not me, I love reporting, I’ve loved it since my 7th grade teacher roped me into contributing to our class’ mimeographed newsletter and I love it today. I love its incomparable variety, the sense that the next phone call I get could be about something everyone ought to know, and the feeling that I can help people understand what happened. It’s not a terrible job. It just might be the best job there is."

[Mark Scolforo, Reporter, The Associated Press]

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{source: Pinterest}

pine mountain trail

this was a very fun saturday date a few weekends ago, but i wasn't overly impressed with the pine mountain trail. i've been spoiled with extremely scenic hikes (the himalayas, the pinnacle, etc) so i guess i am a bit of a hiking snob.

 

 

lance taught me about the lizards in georgia, which he is quite familiar with after living in the woods for ranger school. they're fun to look for, since you hear them before you see them.

 

 

after our hike i thought we should follow the signs to roosevelt's little white house. we love history and it was sort of close, so why not? um, should've went with the not. it was closing, because we got there a few minutes before 5 p.m. almost everything in georgia closes SO EARLY.

 

everything in the little town is named roosevelt, because that's where he grew up. i'm not sure why they don't just change the name of the town from warm springs to roosevelt, because every business we passed had that in its name.

 

first braves game

belated pictures from our amazing night at the braves versus cubs game on april 6. the atlanta braves know how to do baseball. maybe it's because they are the only baseball team that several southern states have to cheer for, or maybe southerners are just awesome, but these fans are great. super friendly and fun, phenomenol cheers, plus it was a close game (and they won) so that's always fun.

 

 

 

out of traffic and on to figure out parking - we got there during the first inning and parked (close!) for free because the ticket people had already gone in to watch the game. does that happen everywhere or is that a southern thing?! loved it.

 

 

hank aaron and me.

weak imitation, i know.

 



 

i took this because i get really excited at baseball stadiums and take lots of pictures, but these "twins" happened to make their way into the forefront. countless carbon copies of them were at the game. i am so not a fan of that look. 1.) i like originality and 2.) to the girl picking her butt: wear shorts with enough fabric and ya won't have to worry about that. blech. (you may have noticed the pennsylvanian was in jeans and a sweatshirt - it was definitely not even hot out.)

 





happy mother's day