Maybe sometime putting words out there - something that seems so simple - is really the most important thing. Like after I wrote
my last depressing post and wondered why I was even bothering, but then felt relief in the days afterward. From the words of others, from the weight off myself, and from good ole G-o-d.
I know the power of words and yet it's a lesson I am continually learning and learning.
Yesterday I ran the Red Rose Run. Was thrilled to meet my goal, and beat my time from when I ran it three years ago ... back in the days of no baby and endless free time. Apparently becoming a mom really did increase my endurance, physically and mentally, woot woot! My forte has always been pushing up hills and it still is. (I think this is in running and in life.) The time I find myself passing anyone is when there's a hill.
I felt like I should yell out some encouragement to the other runners on the hills. (This race is kind of annoying because the first half is mostly downhill, and the last half is mostly uphill. But Lancaster city is hecka beautiful and I love the route.)
I love when there are people clapping and cheering as I run by. And I get stupidly annoyed by the people who watch and do not cheer. (Again, I think this is not just in running but in life.) Smile and clap and cheer if you're ever watching a race. Your encouragement could make all the difference. We're here to encourage each other. It's not that difficult, but it's like we get afraid to just open our mouths and say something simple.
So sometimes I yell to the people around me while I run. It might annoy them or not even phase them, or maybe they love it. But I did it yesterday and it spurred me on. The Stroller Strong Moms group I was part of in Georgia might be what really got me into that. The other moms were so verbal and encouraging, at a time I was (debatably) the most out of shape and insecure about my body. No wonder I loved being part of that group so much.
The message at my church today was powerful, and that was what really prompted me to write tonight.
It focused on Joseph. My dad's name is Joseph Benjamin, and maybe for that reason or a host of others, I have always found the Biblical story of Joseph fascinating and easy to connect with.
I never took note that when Jacob (Joseph's father) blessed his sons, the blessing of Joseph was that he would be "strengthened by God amidst tremendous opposition." And Benjamin would be a "fighter." I can see the power of a name and that my dad has had these blessings very much available to him in his life.
I'm a huge fan of our pastor. Once I told Lance how my Grandma Shank and my mom were/are weirdly big fans of their pastors, and he pointed out that I'm the exact same way. Huh. He was right, I am. So today the pastor was moving quickly through the historical portion of his teaching on Joseph, and I had a feeling that this meant he was getting to something REALLY GOOD. I was right.
Wounding. Boundaries. Grace. Testing. No fear. That's what he touched on from the life of Joseph, and my pen was flying.
I don't know if it's because he is from Austria so he has that blessed outside perspective of Lancaster County, or he's super in tune with God and his people, or all of the above, but he frequently points out simple truths about Lancaster ... and they are always right on.
He talked about the Wailing Wall in Israel, and how the Jewish culture honors their emotions. Weeping is a sign of healing. But in Lancaster County, people have a tendency to suppress their emotions. Oftentimes addictions are developed to cover emotions up. If you do not grow emotionally, you cannot grow spiritually. It is important to weep.
Joseph steps away from the things that are going on quite often because he needs to weep. My dad has talked about having "crying spells" where he cannot stop crying. I used to try to tell him, "That's okay. It's normal to cry and it's better to get it out than to hold it in." And then I started experiencing this myself, and I could better understand his disorientation over these so-called spells. That understanding coupled with an irritating sense that he's not actually listening to what I'm saying has caused me to instead just say, "uh-huh" whenever he brings this up, because alas: I do not like to waste words when I feel the person listening is not actually listening. (Classic introvert?)
"When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, "What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?" So they sent word to Joseph, saying, "Your father left these instructions before he died: 'This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.' Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father." When their message came to him, Joseph wept.
His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. "We are your slaves," they said."
But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them." [Genesis 51:15-21]
Joseph honored God, he honored his emotions, and even though his brothers were the ones who put him through hell, Joseph was the one who was able to tell them, "Do not be afraid!" He reassured and encouraged them.
"They’re talking layoffs at work, slowdowns in the economy,
flare-ups in the Middle East, turnovers at headquarters, downturns in the
housing market, upswings in global warming, breakouts of Al Qaeda cells. The
plague of our day, terrorism, begins with the word terror.
We fear being sued, finishing last, going broke; we fear
the mole on the back, the new kid on the block, the sound of the clock as it
ticks us closer to the grave. We sophisticate investment plans, create
elaborate security systems, and stronger military; yet we depend on
mood-altering drugs more than any generation in history. Moreover, “the average
child today … has the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric patient
in the 1950s.”
Fear, it seems, has taken a hundred-year lease on the
building next door and set up shop. Oversized and rude, unwilling to share the
heart with happiness. Happiness complies. Do you ever see the two together? Can
one be happy and afraid at the same time? Clear thinking and afraid? Confident
and afraid? Merciful and afraid? No. Fear is the big bully in the high school
hallway: brash, loud, and unproductive. For all the noise fear makes and room
it takes, fear does little good.
Fear never wrote a symphony or poem, negotiated a peace
treaty, or cured a disease. Fear never pulled a family out of poverty or a
country out of bigotry. Fear never saved a marriage or a business. Courage did
that. Faith did that. People who refused to consult or cower to their
timidities did that. But fear itself? Fear herds us into a prison of unlocked
doors. Wouldn’t it be great to walk out?
Imagine your life, wholly untouched by angst. What if faith, not
fear, was your default reaction to threats?"
[Max Lucado]
You are a child of God. Do not be afraid. Throughout history, there have only been a handful of people who TRUSTED God.
In the genealogy of Jesus Christ himself, is a long line of people who messed up. It's Joseph's brother Judah who ended up in the line of Jesus. Judah, who slept with a prostitute that was actually his daughter-in-law and then wanted to have her burned alive, until it was revealed that he slept with her and he couldn't hide it. His hypocrisy was exposed, but that wasn't the end. He had a major change in his character, from lowly to strong, and later he was willing to lay down his life for his brother Joseph. Awesome.
This is wildly reassuring to me. It doesn't matter what I've come from or what I've done, I can choose to honor God ... to not be afraid ... to trust Him like so few take the risk to actually do ... and it will all be worth it. Every single circumstance.
I'll end with these words from Pastor B ...
"All of these struggles are just a small part of a much bigger story that is larger than we could ever understand ... True ministry for God happens in the crucibles of your life. It is the things that you go through that reveal God to this world ... At your entrance into heaven, God will wipe away all of your tears. You will be weeping and you will see the big story, and you'll see that it was all worth it."
