fitting in has never been my forte. i make friends easily (and i have moved and adapted to a decent amount of different environments, locations, and situations where i've had to), but i would still say that fitting in doesn't necessarily accompany that. when i was in middle and high school it bothered me that i never quite felt like i belonged, but i don't remember an occasion where it bothered me enough to give into peer pressure or do anything major. i was friends with people in all different crowds, but never felt like i truly belonged in any particular one. (and it seemed like everyone else did.)
maybe that's a universal feeling that accompanies growing up, but i always felt like i was different. i still do. around the time i went to ywam maui after i graduated high school was when i learned to know myself, what made me who i am, and who i am in Christ - my true identity. i realized that i liked who i was, and figured if other people didn't, that was their loss.
maybe that's a universal feeling that accompanies growing up, but i always felt like i was different. i still do. around the time i went to ywam maui after i graduated high school was when i learned to know myself, what made me who i am, and who i am in Christ - my true identity. i realized that i liked who i was, and figured if other people didn't, that was their loss.
knowing who i am and having confidence is a good thing, but i need to be careful about indifference. i need to be careful about differentiating between fitting in and loving people. really LOVING … ALL people … not just people i find interesting and want relationships with.
so when i'm volunteering at the clinic … loving the chance to counsel girls and women who come in and need to talk … i need to also love the women working and volunteering at the clinic, even if they're not people i would naturally gravitate to.
i'm glad i didn't back out of training, because there are women working at the clinic who are so positive, encouraging, and a breath of fresh air. their perspectives on faith are different than mine, but it's good for me to be around. and even though i don't feel like i fit at all with the southern baptist crowd (and we don't get each other's jokes), i love being a part of what God does there.
it was easy for me to judge during training. i shadowed counselors who said things i found condescending, judgmental (the irony is not lost on me), or insensitive to the girls and women coming in for help.
judging is easy. but the doing and the acting is what takes effort and makes things happen. i saw God come through in people's lives every time i was in the room shadowing a counselor. even when they said things in a way i would not say them, or said things i wouldn't dream of saying - God spoke through them, and people committed their lives to God and decided to choose life for their babies!
now that i counsel on my own, it is the most comforting thing to know that God uses our weakness. He doesn't expect us to be perfect - just obedient to His voice. He will speak through us even when we don't think we have the right words to say.
i complicate things and imagine that for a person to commit their life to God or to change their mind about having an abortion, another person has to say the PERFECT thing. too many days i say nothing to people about my faith because of that lie!
volunteering at the clinic forces me to speak out. when you're one-on-one with a person, who may or may not be pouring out their heart, and needs help … you have a perfect opportunity to speak up, even if you can't think of the perfect thing to say. (or anything close to perfect!)
last week i had a client who was considering having an abortion. she is married, and has three kids. her youngest is only six months old, and they're already exhausted and strapped financially, so i could understand her inclination to abort. i could have cried and cried because of how hard her situation was, and because the thought of her going through with an abortion broke my heart even more.
when i went to check her pregnancy test results, i prayed. i didn't know what to say to her and it felt desperate. her results were positive. i got a bible to give her and underlined a few verses i thought would be good for her and baby. i went back and we talked. i tried to encourage her, and then i read her the verses …
i was saying that welfare in that case meant to do well and prosper - not to go on welfare like today, and we were laughing about that. before i started reading part of psalm 139 to her, she stopped me and said, "how do i find these in there after i leave here?"
i told her that i underlined them, and then explained how to look up the books of the bible at the beginning and then find the verses.
again, i could have cried. i completely took for granted that this is not something everyone has been taught. even if they have attended church or call themselves christians because of whatever family ties they have to a religion.
so much of what i know i assume to be "common sense" that no one wants to hear. when it comes to my relationship with God, i wonder if i have anything worth sharing that hasn't been heard already. another huge lie that keeps me from speaking up!
she loved the verses, and that alone made me feel like my being there was worth it, but then she told me that she doesn't think she could go through with the abortion. that since she's married and has a family, she really doesn't have a good reason to have an abortion. and she hadn't even had her ultrasound yet!
i left the clinic that day wildly encouraged. fitting in isn't the goal in life. being different works - it works really well. so be yourself. and you have more to offer people than you might think or realize. be confident and be bold.
it was easy for me to judge during training. i shadowed counselors who said things i found condescending, judgmental (the irony is not lost on me), or insensitive to the girls and women coming in for help.
judging is easy. but the doing and the acting is what takes effort and makes things happen. i saw God come through in people's lives every time i was in the room shadowing a counselor. even when they said things in a way i would not say them, or said things i wouldn't dream of saying - God spoke through them, and people committed their lives to God and decided to choose life for their babies!
now that i counsel on my own, it is the most comforting thing to know that God uses our weakness. He doesn't expect us to be perfect - just obedient to His voice. He will speak through us even when we don't think we have the right words to say.
i complicate things and imagine that for a person to commit their life to God or to change their mind about having an abortion, another person has to say the PERFECT thing. too many days i say nothing to people about my faith because of that lie!
volunteering at the clinic forces me to speak out. when you're one-on-one with a person, who may or may not be pouring out their heart, and needs help … you have a perfect opportunity to speak up, even if you can't think of the perfect thing to say. (or anything close to perfect!)
last week i had a client who was considering having an abortion. she is married, and has three kids. her youngest is only six months old, and they're already exhausted and strapped financially, so i could understand her inclination to abort. i could have cried and cried because of how hard her situation was, and because the thought of her going through with an abortion broke my heart even more.
when i went to check her pregnancy test results, i prayed. i didn't know what to say to her and it felt desperate. her results were positive. i got a bible to give her and underlined a few verses i thought would be good for her and baby. i went back and we talked. i tried to encourage her, and then i read her the verses …
"cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." [1 peter 5:7]
"the word of the Lord came to me, saying, "before I formed you in the womb i knew you, before you were born i set you apart; i appointed you as a prophet to the nations." [jeremiah 1:4-5]
"for i know the plans i have for you," declares the Lord. "plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." [jeremiah 29:11]
i was saying that welfare in that case meant to do well and prosper - not to go on welfare like today, and we were laughing about that. before i started reading part of psalm 139 to her, she stopped me and said, "how do i find these in there after i leave here?"
i told her that i underlined them, and then explained how to look up the books of the bible at the beginning and then find the verses.
again, i could have cried. i completely took for granted that this is not something everyone has been taught. even if they have attended church or call themselves christians because of whatever family ties they have to a religion.
so much of what i know i assume to be "common sense" that no one wants to hear. when it comes to my relationship with God, i wonder if i have anything worth sharing that hasn't been heard already. another huge lie that keeps me from speaking up!
she loved the verses, and that alone made me feel like my being there was worth it, but then she told me that she doesn't think she could go through with the abortion. that since she's married and has a family, she really doesn't have a good reason to have an abortion. and she hadn't even had her ultrasound yet!
i left the clinic that day wildly encouraged. fitting in isn't the goal in life. being different works - it works really well. so be yourself. and you have more to offer people than you might think or realize. be confident and be bold.
1 comment:
I'm so encouraged by your post, Chels! What a neat thing to be able to volunteer at the clinic! I would love to do that too!
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