so much

i want to know what he's really thinking. and i want to know what you're really thinking. if you're really honest with me, with yourself, with anyone. i don't want to know how it's going to end up because the mystery is enjoyable, however suspenseful or painful or frustrating. i want to watch a professional dog race. i want to dream the Lord's dreams, and i want to know what that even means. i want to give someone a tattoo - draw it and permanently ink their body with my style. i want a puppy really badly, but i know i wouldn't take care of it. i want an ipod and a violin and completely coordinated hangers in my closet. and make that a walk-in closet. i want to bake really amazing things and never get fat from eating them. i want to go somewhere, have some incredible adventure. i want to see healing and i don't know if i have any words left to pray for it.

someday i want my own swimming pool, and i know i won't get tired of swimming because i just won't. i love swimming, and if i believed in other lives, i'd say i was a mermaid in mine. people tell you that you'll get a tired of a thing if you have too much of it, but guess what? i'm not other people. living at the beach only made me love it more and miss it more. the more i run the more i love it. the less i work out the less i like it, so don't tell me that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. tell me that too much of a bad thing is bad thing, because when i get stuck on sin or disobedience, it just makes me want to keep sinning. so i'm going to dream till my dreams get bigger, so big that i can't accomplish them on my own. so big that they finally start to touch the hands and heart of God and become a reality in my life. and i'm going to love others until it just comes natural. because swimming pools are for parties.