part two ...

this is part two of "sh*t chelsea's dad says." because while the book about someone else's dad is incredibly hilarious (so much so that i've already dedicated a post to that), i'll always be partial to my own dad's antics ...

"never drink whiskey chelsea."
"why not dad?" [this could easily seem like a strange question for a girl to ask her dad when he tells her not to drink, but keep in mind that my dad has always been openly baffled by my lack of interest in smoking and drugs.]
"that's what they gave to the indians to drink. and then they stole all their stuff and ruined their lives. so you don't even want to touch whiskey, because we've got indian in our blood and you never know what's gonna happen to you when you mess with that stuff."

"sometimes i'm so tired i have to get up in the middle of the night and take a nap."

"you should've brought me an iced tea."
"oh i would've, but i thought you told me you weren't allowed to drink that in here?"
"well it just has to be caffeine free. and diet."
"i thought you don't like caffeine free diet iced tea?"
"i don't. but i'm getting used to it. you can get used to anything if you do it long enough - even hanging."
[picture mortified/disgusted look on chelsea's unable-to-be-filtered-animated face. dad laughs and decides to go get sodas instead ...]
"are you sure you don't want a soda chelsea?"
"nah i don't like soda."
"you are healthy, aren't you? after i live long enough, and my body is completely shot, then i'll start eating and drinking healthy."

"dad i want you to write a song about me."
"about you? my daughter?"
"yes, me!"
"alright."
"okay, just start singing it."
"she was little but feisty ... ... it's gonna be hard to find something that rhymes with that chelsea."