rebel rebel

completely absorbed in what i was doing at the cafe today, a lady tapped me on the arm and said, "excuse me, i promise i'm not crazy ..." she hesitated, but i laughed and said, "oh i'm not worried, go ahead!" (i love talking to strangers!) so she continued, "well, i just had to come over and say that this is absolutely beautiful. to see a book that is this used and wornout, and for someone your age it's even more amazing. do you mind if i ask what book it is?" i could hardly believe this conversation was happening, it made me that happy, and i smiled and said, "oh it's my bible!" the smile fell off her face and she seemed really taken aback.

the look on her face when she heard "bible" gave me an instant flashback to a mutual friend's 21st birthday party. his dad was talking to my friend and i, asking where we'd been beforehand. as soon as i said, "church" his entire expression changed and it was like i dropped an eff bomb in a room full of kindergarteners because everyone at the table stopped drinking for a minute (that's a long time at these things) out of shock. when he finally regrouped he stammered 'no that's great, i just didn't expect you to say that.' (granted, it was a saturday night, but those who know me well know that i'll go to church anytime at all.) he was so befuddled that he started spilling his half-drunk-dad-guts to some girl he just met - a girl who had been ready to leave the minute she walked in, up until that conversation. (which ended up evolving into which catholic mass he prefers, not me leading the bar in a mass conversion where everyone ended up getting drunk in the Holy Spirit like i was envisioning ... but i'm sure the Lord was still at work somehow, haha.)

should i be sad that a love for the bible elicits such shock? i don't understand the fear it brings out in people. like the way my lit professor clammed up the day we all had to say our favorite work of literature and i said the bible. she acted like i'd committed a major faux pax and quickly moved onto the next person to rave when they said "grapes of wrath." but as much as i didn't like her reaction i wasn't about to give an answer just because i knew she'd like it. i really really like the bible. there is no way any piece of literature could ever outshine the Bible. there is no other book with an author who lives and wants to interact with us as we read it.

flashforward to the cafe again. a few minutes later, a different lady leans over my table and says, "working huh?" "excuse me?" "you're stuffing envelopes - is it for work?" "ohhhh!" i started laughing, "no, i'm just writing to people." "what?! no way! shut up! i didn't think people did that anymore!" more laughing on my end, "i know right? but i do."

i loved both cafe conversations for a lot of reasons, but especially because i love being a rebel. how am i being a rebel by being a dork reading and writing and spending time with God, you ask? i'd never thought of it as rebellion either, till i heard mark driscoll preach it that way. people call the whole sex-drugs-rock&roll scene rebellion, when in reality that's all been done before. sin is old news. the only true rebellion left for us today is to read our Bibles and follow Jesus! for me to get wasted at someone's 21st party wouldn't have been rebellion, and anyone who's taken a stand for Jesus knows it's a lot harder than following the crowd. for me to find joy in reading the Bible - that's gonna cause the kind of stir a rebel should.

and as for writing notes, that really has nothing to do with being rebellious. that's just me being a dork and loving it all the way.

feelings do not define truth

"My feelings are not God. God is God. My feelings do not define truth. God's word defines truth. My feelings are echoes and responses to what my mind perceives. And sometimes--many times--my feelings are out of sync with the truth. When that happens--and it happens every day in some measure--I try not to bend the truth to justify my imperfect feelings, but rather, I plead with God: Purify my perceptions of your truth and transform my feelings so that they are in sync with the truth. That's the way I live my life every day. I hope you are with me in that battle." [John Piper]

a good word, hey? last night at work it was ridiculously crowded. instead of thinking any number of normal things like 'maybe i'm claustrophobic' or 'this is great for business' ... okay, i can't even come up with another "normal" reaction to it, but i'll tell you mine. it made me think about heaven. and how there are going to be sooo many people there that i might not like it. and i told God that i hope there is a special heaven for introverts. so it's definitely a good thing feelings (especially mine) do not define truth ...

i love johnny cash

"despite his penchant for black clothing and songs about murder, cash was an optimistic, loving, kind, and humorous person. anyone less in love with life would have soon been beaten down by the setbacks he suffered." [from "the man called cash"]

"there are times that i want to go off into the woods and cry, because what i feel is too big a load for me to carry," he once admitted. "we're only called to be christians, and i don't feel any special calling, but i seem to have been given much by God. and much seems to be required of me." [from "the man called cash"]

"the realm johnny cash lived in was clouded by pain and colored by grace ... it seemed like his devotion for life came from his devotion for God." [from "the man called cash"]

rewind: seattle

i took an amazing trip over spring break to seattle to visit ashley, one of my best friends from YWAM. it was so good reminiscing about our time in nepal - wearing the same three outfits for months, being the only ones on our team to take showers everyday (ice cold ones with frozen shampoo), bartering with sherpa storekeepers who ripped white girls like us off (the best time being me on my knees in a store pleading for a cheaper price for a northfake raincoat while ashley peed her pants), trekking, giving out Bibles, stress-eating (10 pancakes for breakfast anyone?) and thinking nightly situps would balance it out, around the clock prayer times ...

we talked about how we probably wouldn't have been friends with anyone on our team had we not been stuck together for outreach, but we grew to love our whole team like family. (and still do!) i think that's one of the many beautiful things about YWAM. church, in my experience, hasn't yielded many great relationships for me. (if anything, i feel invisible at church and leave depressed.) in YWAM however, you're living with people and loving them for who they are. not because they fit into your categories or preferred tastes, just because you have a common love for the Lord and shared experiences of His presence. i treasure my YWAM relationships and still get homesick for both seasons of my life spent in YWAM.

i LOVED seattle. i could see myself living there, but then again i could see myself living in most of the places i visit. the sky's not even the limit when we follow a God in whom nothing is impossible, so we'll see!