here and now

dax had his four month doctors appointment and shots today. he was 18.2lbs and 27.5inches - "top of the charts, but that's no surprise," our doctor said. i cannot say enough good things about our pediatrician - he is a father of seven and a fantastic doctor. dax was all wiggly when he lifted him up and he said, "boy, he's a handful huh?" yup. :) i feel spoiled that lance was able to break away from work to go with us to the appointment. i hate watching him get shots, so it's really nice to have lance there as a calming presence and to hold him down.

and now lance is working an overnight shift that reminds me how thankful i am for his time in the army coming to a close.

the army has been good to us. lance is more than excited to be finished with his four years in the military and moving on to other things. for me the move back to pennsylvania is bittersweet. i've only been here for a year and a half (not even!), but oh what a year and a half it has been. columbus holds so many memories for me. we got engaged here, along the chattahoochee river. one of my favorite little spots and views in the world. brimming with beauty and sentimental moments.

we moved here after our wedding and had our first apartment together. it was my first time making a house a home, learning to cook and now loving to cook, and it was where we figured out how to be married and make our marriage work. lots of laughs and priceless memories, lots of fights and hard times too. the ups and downs that make our days a life.

this is where i carried my very first pregnancy. where dax and i spent so many moments together while lance was deployed. this is the apartment where i waited for lance to call so i could tell him that the ultrasound revealed we were having a boy. where i was filled with fear at the news of other rangers being killed and injured, and then with a guilty sort of gratitude that lance was okay.

we had the joy of being reunited when he returned from his deployment. the last two months of my pregnancy together, with lots of mcdonalds runs for ice cream sundaes and laughing at lance ordering in the drive through every time - for no other reason than sometimes i get the giggles and just can't stop laughing and i bring everyone around me down too. ;)

then my due date came and went and finally we got to meet dax a few days (that felt like an eternity) later. and in our cozy one bedroom apartment we learned how to be parents together. and we'll keep learning wherever we move next.

i think it's a bit easier for lance to move on because he is ready for a new career, and because he isn't quite as plugged in here as i am. i feel like i really immersed myself here and made the most of the past year and a half.

i'm kind of amazed at how many friendships i've formed in such a short time. and even so i am afraid that won't happen wherever we end up. i seem to have an ongoing fear of 'what if i don't make friends?!' even though so far i've made friends everywhere i've gone.

a military town and community make forming relationships kind of convenient - almost everyone is in a state of transition with their family spread across the country, so you become each other's family for the time that you're here. i love it. some of my favorite memories are just having people over for dinner and hanging out at our house. i have met so many strong people. a taste of military life would be good for a lot of people - it adds a lot of depth, appreciation and strength. i love our church and how welcoming the people were, how easy it was to jump in and fit in. i love all of our couple and family friends, and i love my other "mom friends" here with babes so close in age to mine. i loved walking through pregnancy and the newborn stage with them.

i heard a song on the radio with a line i adore: "God put a million, million doors in the world for his love to walk through, one of those doors is you." i complicate God's commands, but when i look at my life the thing that's always made a difference is the kindness of friends, family, acquaintances and strangers. when i think about things i want to impress upon dax, one would be that what matters most in our day is how we treat other people. i fail terribly at this - usually by getting in a hurry, concentrating on myself or being annoyed or distracted, but it really is what matters most. kindness and meaningful relationships make all the difference.

* * *

… i wrote that yesterday morning and i'm not sure where i was going with it, more than to say that i will miss columbus a lot. especially the friends.

the south is still every bit as weird to me as it was when i first came here - if not weirder - and i had more culture shock moving here than when i lived in nepal. the georgia-alabama line is a whole 'nother world. even though i never felt like i meshed with the southern culture, i will miss this crazy place.

it's been a formative season … and a very GROWING season. i feel like a different person from when i moved here, but that's good. change is usually hard while it's happening, but looking back it's almost always the best thing. something i think about often is: "insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results." i mention that because i'd take change over insanity any day.

i'm nervous heading into so many unknowns … but even if the changes are painful, they'll be worth it. it's like the speaker at our church said this week: God loves us just the way we are, obviously, but He loves us too much to let us stay that way.