one of my hideous habits that i would love to eliminate is comparison. ugh. it happens in so many different forms. but sometimes i get so caught up in focusing on everyone who seems to have it "better" than me that i forget about all the people who have it worse.
i used to get so jealous of people who had what i considered good dads - and frustrated if they took it for granted. i saw it as something to be jealous of, when all along God was strategically placing people in my life.
maybe God was trying to say, 'hey chels, not all dads are like your dad. here is HOPE.' he showed me godly, faithful men committed to their families. he gave me living examples of strong marriages and families to look up to my whole life. and "spiritual fathers" when i needed them.
last week one of those spiritual fathers encouraged me GREATLY.
it was one of my YWAM friend's dads. we spent a tiny bit of time together in maui when he was visiting his son. but in that brief time i either made a great impression … or he hoped his son would marry me … or he is an awesome man of God who is in tune with and obedient to the Holy Spirit. probably all of the above. ;) that was seven years ago, and he still periodically checks in with me.
{maui, round one, in 2006}
i needed something last week, and i told God - and that dad sent me a message with a great word. to top it off he invited me to come stay with them in north carolina and let them pamper me while lance is away! sweetest offer ever.
he is a wealthy business man. friends with people like billy graham and mike huckabee. i love the way his faith is such a natural part of who he is.
he went to college with another influential spiritual father in my life - pastor dwayne at my church in maui. they were both radical hippies who loved Jesus. they have cool stories about things like cross country road trips in volkswagen vans they didn't have money to fill up with gas. and they still love Jesus and have radical stories now, as they both own very successful businesses.
pastor dwayne has a contracting business in maui and leads a church. he always remembered me, and that in itself meant so much to me. before that time, i never had a pastor who actually acknowledged me, let alone took an interest me. but pastor dwayne went out of his way to talk to me every week at church.
he had the YWAMers at his church over for dinner often, and would talk to me specifically about what i thought God was saying to me each week. the way he treated me showed me God's heart. it greatly increased my confidence in myself, in hearing the voice of God, and in articulating it - because it needs to be shared.
he is also very prophetic. every week he would call out a few people's names before the message, and give them whatever word God gave him for that person. i loved that.
once my friend ashley and i were waiting along the road for a ride home for a very long time. (we hitchhiked everywhere in maui.) so i started praying out loud for a ride - and for it to be in a nice car this time, no trucks. normally i love hopping in the back of trucks, but it was about to rain. so why pray small prayers when you can go big, ya know?
{ ash and i waiting for a ride on another day in maui. }
ashley was incredulous when a few minutes later, a shiny BMW pulled right up to us and the driver was saying my name. she was also very confused - "do you know him? what is happening right now?" it was pastor dwayne. he had been at the mall and would have normally driven a totally different route home, but he felt a nudge to go home a different way. which led him to the opposite side of the mall where we were waiting for a ride. it started pouring when we got in his car. no one can tell me God doesn't hear our prayers.
i look back at my life and i see how very much God watched over me and set me up for greatness. and He is doing it for you too - He wants the best for you!
God has always, always been faithful.
and knowing that i can only see in part, i wonder how much more He has done for me than i realize? how many things has God done for me that have gone unnoticed? how many things are yet to come? how can i not be grateful every day of my life?
He has never not been faithful - it is my own perspective that gets skewed, and out of that confusion i can easily distance myself from God.
and that skewed perspective/confusion is probably why a few weeks ago i was not in a good frame of mind. really, really missing lance and my family and just hurting. when i went to women's bible study at church that week, they were passing around tissues ahead of time as they introduced the speaker. i guess most of the women already knew the gist of her story and what was coming, but i was unaware. and for who knows what reason, i did not take a tissue. (real smart move, chels. always take the tissues!)
she shared about growing up in a baptist church and being told that if you wanted to know God you needed to read the entire bible. being an obedient kid, she did it. she was thirsty for more, and revelation piqued her interest. her questions went unanswered for years, and in college she drifted from her faith, and met and fell in love with her husband. they got married, both returned to their faith, and she delved into revelation again, consuming every study guide that she could.
when their son was 10 months old, they were living in germany and her husband was deployed to iraq. one night the infamous men in suits showed up at her door - her husband had been killed.
as she started talking and crying about it, i think every woman in the room was crying too.
after he died, she knew she needed time to just get into the word of God. she cried out to God. clung to Him. she had a few specific, pressing questions for God, and in time He has revealed the answers to her.
she wanted to know what heaven was like, because it had to be much more than clouds and harps and halos and nonstop singing that we all picture when we think of heaven. having exhausted most study guides, she went back to the Bible - specifically her beloved book of revelation.
she held up her Bible and reminded us, "this is for YOU. for YOU to study and it is not just for someone in seminary to study, so you can take what they say and believe that. it's written for YOU."
she also wanted to know if she would be reunited with her husband in heaven. she did not want anyone else - she still loved him, and more than anything else she wanted to be with him again. (i was sobbing!) that happened over 10 years ago, and you can tell that she still loves her husband. and not in an unhealthy way - just beautiful, true love.
she published a book on her study of revelation. she believes the whole earth will be restored to the garden of eden. what stuck out to me most: all of the suffering on earth that we cannot understand how God allows, will be completely redeemed and restored in heaven!
it might be the most beautiful picture of heaven i have ever imagined. i cried as she told us to imagine her and her husband being reunited … to imagine brooke and her son being reunited in heaven (brooke lost her baby the day he was born) … imagine an end to all of the crap you've endured on earth.
i thought about my mom and
her dad being reunited in heaven … about my dad being healed and 100% mentally healthy in heaven … and then i cried thinking about so many parents and children being reunited … babies and moms and dads … no sickness or disease … wow.
think of any situation that has ever caused you pain … or made you wonder why … or question God … or made you HURT thinking about
another person having to go through it. and then to think that there will be restoration and redemption?! heavenly reunions?! YES! that is something to be excited for!
i sat there in tears, as she continued talking through her own tears, and listened to her say, "God is so good. He is so good."
that is POWERFUL. the Holy Spirit speaks through her, and the authority that she has because of the choices she has made is amazing.
the connections in her life - like an early hunger for revelation leading to a deeper understanding down the road, and a powerful platform to share from - were amazing.
i am excited thinking about things in my life that will still be used - and powerfully. everything for a purpose.
perspective. her story gave me that when i needed it.
how desperately i need fresh perspective for each day.
and God has PLENTY of perfect perspective to give to me - i'm the only thing standing in the way, and it's up to me to choose His perspective and ask for more of it.
to clear my mind of every anxious thought … every judgement and comparison ... everything else … so that He can show me MORE of who He is. and as He does i will walk in fullness … i will see NEW things come to life … connections made between interests and experiences and dreams and life and purpose. all for a much, much bigger picture than anything i can comprehend.
{ currently on repeat: "who can compare" by jesus culture.}
