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it was a rough weekend. not saying it to complain - just being real. and actually now i'm feeling extremely thankful, and full of fresh perspective.

i called my mom on saturday night and we talked and i felt better. i was lonely and missing lance, and had not heard from him. i wasn't worried about not hearing from him, because there were rumors that their phones/internet would be turned off due to the government shutdown. just missing him big time.

but on sunday night i got a call from our phone chain with awful news. several people were killed and injured - the worst loss the 75th ranger regiment had seen in several years. you can read more about it here if you're interested. four people were killed and many more injured during a night combat operation that stopped a high-profile suicide bombing in kandahar city.

whenever something like this happens, the phones/internet are turned off until families can be notified - so it actually had nothing to do with the government shutdown. which is really funny now, because different people kept worriedly asking me if i'd heard from my husband since they hadn't heard from theirs, and i lightheartedly told them not to worry, "it's just part of the government shutdown." ha, classic chelsea! i'm glad i was clueless and not worried though.

even though i was told on the phone on sunday that it was not anyone from his company, i was sitting on my couch speechless with my mind running wild. i thought about calling my mom again, but didn't want to be too needy. (at that point we were also instructed not to share the information with anyone, so there was that.)

but a few minutes later my phone rang and it was my mom. calling to check on me. happy sigh. why would i hesitate to be "needy" with my mom, the person who has known (and patiently handled) my neediness for 25+ years now? i hope that mom intuition she has gets passed on to me somehow, because she has it pretty much perfected.

i am so excited to have a son, and hearing everyone's positive comments about boys is great. most say that the first 5-10 years with boys are exhausting, but in the long run boys are easier than girls. i know it boils down to personality and a lot of other factors, but thinking about my brother and me ... um yeah, girls are a lot more difficult in the long run!

i cannot count the number of nights my mom stayed up with me, calming me down, listening to me, coaching me, hugging me, crying with me, praying with me.

i went through a phase around fifth and sixth grade where i could not sleep at night. i laugh about it now, but it was very real, and i still remember the anxiety and what a horrible feeling it was to not be able to sleep. my mom would try all sorts of things to help, but mostly it came down to a lot of selflessness on her part - going through a ridiculously long routine with me, being patient because if she wasn't i would freak out and be even more of a mess.

those are just the nights i remember her physical presence, but then there are the nights i'm sure she was wide awake praying for me - maybe while she was working nights, or my first sleepovers, or my unforgettable week at summer camp.

to say i hated camp would be an understatement. i sent my mom tear-stained letters BEGGING her to pick me up early. other dramatics included (but i'm sure were not limited to) complaining about not being fed enough, and detailing every single injury everyone in my cabin sustained (even though i had none) so that she would please just pick me up early. there was vivid relief on her face when she picked me up on the last day of camp, probably because my letters had her questioning whether her decision to let me stick it out would mean i was dead by then.

it was probably somewhat of a shock for my mom when i decided to do YWAM after i graduated. an entire year away from family and everything familiar. i vaguely remember her saying, "remember camp, chelsea?" it must have been so traumatic that i blocked it out, because i shrugged and went to hawaii and asia - without any sleepless nights or homesickness.

but that's not to say there weren't plenty of "adventures" that year to keep my mom busy praying -  when i forgot to call her after my flights were delayed overnight and i finally arrived in maui, when i got a bad case of staph infection, food poisoning, and other random sicknesses in third world countries, and when i decided to extend my time in nepal after my team left. to name a few.

then i finally started dating and i'm sure the ante was upped in the prayer department. (being a late bloomer was a very good thing - dating in high school would have been too much for me to handle, ha.)

and now i'm married and pregnant and on my own in another state, and i'm as thankful as ever to have a prayer warrior mama. i can see now that the prayers never stop when you're a mom. kinda like the way you start crying a lot when you're pregnant probably won't stop either.

my mom's birthday is on october 19, and i'm not sure how old she is turning because she doesn't look her age. and sometimes she has so much energy it baffles me. (however, in all of the commotion of insisting we not mention her age in recent years, she now officially forgets her real age, so at least there is that little bit of proof that she really is her age.)

dear mom,
thank you for bringing me into this world. thank you for being patient with me, especially all of the times i said i wished i was never born. thanks for not giving up on me during those years when i would have given up on myself without you. your prayers and your presence in my life have helped to make me who i am, and i can't thank you enough for all that you have done for me through the years. 

thank you for realizing that time is the best gift, and always being willing to spend time with me. 

thank you for being an example of a strong and fearless woman. the other week in yoga we were supposed to envision a superhero, and think about channeling those qualities during birth (weird i know) but i just pictured you. giving birth to two babies over ten pounds, all-natural - and i've never heard you complain or say a negative thing about it! you are fierce. we are blessed to be your children.

now that i'm becoming a mom, i am even more aware that dads usually get to be the fun one and moms get stuck with the dirty work. thanks for doing the dirty work. thanks for loving us, even when we acted like dad hung the moon and pushed you to the back because you were always there. thank you for going above and beyond what most single moms (or any moms!) do for their kids. 

my prayer for your new year is that you will get to share your amazing testimony with more women, because you have so much wisdom and experience to share with the world. you are a beautiful and wonderful woman of God, an amazing nurse, and i love that i get to be your daughter!

happy (early) birthday susan!

love,
your more difficult child ;)


... and even though boys might be less difficult, my friend ashley pointed out that girls will stick with you more than boys in the long run. every sunday her husband sighs, "oh it's sunday, i guess i'll call my mom." they have two little boys and she tells her husband that he better never leave her, because she knows when her sons grow up they will leave her and be groaning, "well it's sunday, i guess i'll call my mom." ha.

so really, boys or girls aren't necessarily easier, and it all evens out - right?

what do you think?