Recently Read

The Art of Racing in the Rain (Garth Stein)
I have been telling everyone to read this book! If you like dogs at all, you'll love it. It's the story of a dog named Enzo - in his own words. He also recounts the story of his owner, Denny, as his racecar driving career  progresses and he falls in love. Hint: lots of twists. Enzo is a smart and hilarious dog. The day after I finished this book I was yard saling with my mom and we kept seeing dogs and I told her now I know what they're thinking. So there's that.

The Help (Kathryn Stockett)
This one is going on my list of all-time favorite books. WOW. Even though I had already seen and loved the movie, the book was still riveting. It was actually better than the movie, which is typically the case.

 Mercy Triumphs (Beth Moore)
This was my first group study with Beth Moore and I loved it! I learned a ton about James as a person and the book of the Bible he wrote. Beth Moore tells hilarious stories and is so relatable. I was convicted and challenged in many areas, especially about my words and what I say, and passing judgment.

 Culture of Revival (Andy Byrd & Sean Feucht)
Loved it. Each chapter is by a different author, telling amazing stories of what God has done in their life and exhorting you to go where you are called too. It's definitely got lingo that I think could get on a lot of people's nerves (say, people who read the title alone and thought, what the?!) but it is powerful and I was majorly encouraged. It's the kind of book I could re-read because it was so jam packed with goodness.

 One Thousand Gifts (Ann Voskamp)
The message was excellent and there were lots and lots of beautiful quotes, but I struggled to get into her style of writing - a little too poetic for me.

Perfect Chaos: A Daughter's Journey to Survive Bipolar, a Mother's Struggle to Save Her (Linae  Johnson & Cindy Johnson)
I hate to not finish a book, but this book was so terrible that I had to stop. I felt like the girl, who is about my age, was trying to make a story where there wasn't one. The portions by her mom were full of fear and paranoia, and if anything it seemed like having a helicopter mom may have driven the girl to anxiety and a bipolar diagnosis.

 Sisterhood Everlasting (Ann Brashares)
There's nothing like a good sequel. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books were some of my favorites when they came out, and this book told the story of the four girls ten years later in their late twenties. I flew through this book and there were things I could identify with in almost every character - something I think is crucial for a book to be great.

can't stop thinking about them

 {source: google images}

i can't really stop thinking about everyone in newtown, connecticut. i cry whenever i read anything about it and sometimes even when i just start to think about the people.

i keep reading even though i feel like that perpetuates a news cycle that we might be better off without. the news industry is corrupt. (i feel that way even about the little newspaper i work for.) i keep reading because i feel that the least i can do is remember they lived and this happened to them. but maybe i shouldn't, because it sickens me to think about everyone in newtown having to deal with the media in their faces.

a woman from york wrote a poem that went viral and was read on the dr. phil show yesterday. (you can read her poem here or google cameo smith poem.) i was supposed to interview her and when she called me back today she said her phone has been ringing off the hook, and she hasn't been calling people back because she doesn't want publicity.

but she said she wanted to call me back.
i interrupted, "because we're local."
and she said, "well, that, and you just sounded really nice."

that made my day. a sweet reminder that it's okay that i'm not an aggressive reporter like i feel pressure to be. really a reminder to keep being myself and always trust God.

i have opinions about all the talk about tougher gun laws and the mental health care system. (and i probably shouldn't admit this, but i can easily be convinced of conspiracy theories too.) but when i get caught up in those i lose focus on what is more important: love and kindness. my friend sarah's boyfriend, aaron, summed it up so well with what he wrote on facebook:

"Everybody is all worked up about how to stop all the evil and hatred in the world. The answer is simple, it's LOVE! Love your kids, love your family, love your significant other, and better yet love a stranger. Make somebody smile, make a difference."

future me

i highly recommend using futureme.org to write yourself an email for the future. i just got one i wrote five years ago and it cracked me up. i decided that i like the way i used to write better than the way i write now. education, schmeducation. five years ago i had a wee bit of college and zero "expertise" from editors and guess what? i think i sounded fine.

here is an excerpt. because the whole thing would be embarrassing. (but not as embarrassing as the years of journals in my closet that i said i was going to throw out but lance insisted i should keep.) i love this part ...

i hope that you have traveled. i hope that you have visited alaska and the west coast. i hope that you have gone to mozambique, and if you haven't ... go now! screw the job. screw the american dream ... or it will screw you. am i not right??

aunt karen wrote that she hopes you continue to become more and more like the image of christ this year. did you? are you? are you studying the word of God (who must be in love with you) and soaking it up and being a walking joy? a breath of life to those around you? be an encourager. be a mystic. be all that you can be, be prophetic and bold and boldly prophetic. heal someone on the sidewalk if you feel that's what God is saying. live. go. dream. love yourself, cause you're beautiful.

"do not be afraid."



almost christmas

back in november, someone at bed bath and beyond asked me if i was ready for the holidays. i shrugged and said, "i guess" without thinking twice, and the next thing i knew the guy was looking at me like he was completely offended. "you guess?! well it sure doesn't sound like you're excited!"

i considered giving him some excuses for what i hadn't realized would be my offensively lackadaisical response, but shrugged again instead. i was there adding things to my wedding registry, and all i would have had to say to shut him up would have been, "well, my fiance is in the army and he'll be deployed for christmas." womp womp, conversation end-er. no. matter. what.

people react like you're a porcupine about to spray needles when you say that. so i avoid saying it as much as possible because their reactions (usually wide eyes and silence) make me uncomfortable. yeah, it is not easy being apart and deployments terrify me ... but what can you do besides pray? (and trust and stay positive.)

it's all a great lesson in how no one is as in control as they think they are. military life just makes you face that reality up front on a daily basis. it means the world when people ask how lance is doing or tell me to thank him for his service, etc. someone from a wedding venue i was interacting with via email wrote, "give your fiance a big thank you from us for his service!" and i wished i could hug them through the computer screen.

i wasn't actually going to write about any of that, but whenever i write about my train of thought it inevitably leads to tangents. back to my originally intended tangent: how the store associate's reaction to my shrugs got me thinking about christmas.

christmas does not elicit shrieks of joy and hyper excitement in me the way it seems to in most people. for awhile i was really negative about christmas, based on bad experiences. i decided to stop getting excited for christmas because it always seemed to end badly.

thankfully i have moved past that, but it's good those years happened, because it makes it easier to keep in mind that amidst all of the celebrating, there are lots of hurting people.

i was reminded of that when i went into work the day after thanksgiving and the police monitor in the newsroom was a constant buzz of calls of people self-destructing, attempting suicide and committing suicide. a devastating reality, and i thought: 'this is only thanksgiving ... how will people make it  through december?!'

that could be answered several ways, but none of them seem right for here. i think the best advice is true year round: be sensitive to those around you, because you may never really know what they're going through. and if you're struggling, try not to get overwhelmed and do take things one day at a time.

and always be thankful for the little things. there are so many "little things" to be excited for every day, and christmastime is full of them too. here are a few of my favorites, now and then ...

• the conestoga historical society's christmas candlelight night last weekend. it was awesome - luminaries, carols, wassail, people in costume, fresh-doughnuts-made-over-the-fire and all.
• christmas eve church services.
• generosity.
• christmas lights. there is an amazing house in millersville this year that i slow down to look at every time i drive by. they even have lights falling out of a huge tree that look like shooting stars. so good.
• christmas movies: national lampoon's christmas vacation, the family stone, it's a wonderful life, the holiday and home alone are my top picks. since my birthday is so close to christmas, my childhood birthday parties were usually a sleepover that included the latest christmas movie. the biggest crowd pleaser in those days was jonathan taylor thomas' i'll be home for christmas.

• making menorahs and doing hanukkah stuff in elementary school. i wanted to be jewish after that lesson. (they really emphasized the multiple days of gifts and whatever bread they fed us was delicious.) i went home telling my mom we needed to be accepting of everyone and buy a menorah. we compromised by displaying the one i made at school out of half a paper plate.

• christmas episodes of tv shows. tuesday night's new girl, the mindy show and parenthood were just fantastic. but i can't say that there has ever been a bad episode of parenthood.

untitled

be yourself. maybe you've heard it hundreds of times. or maybe no one has ever said it directly to you but i'm telling you now: be yourself.

it is painful to watch someone who is not being themselves. is it something you notice?

it is painful to watch people trying to keep up to other people, trying to be like someone else or become more like so-and-so. even when people try to imitate photographs i find it painfully obvious. don't pose and try to be like someone else, just do your own thing.

it is painful to interact with a person who is clearly pretending to be something they're not, not speaking in their voice, and liking or doing things they don't actually like or desire to do. ultimately it seems that it stems from fear, insecurity, jealousy or not knowing who you are.

whether you're starting from scratch or not, know that you are a child of God. there was a point when i was 18 that it really hit me and it changed my life for the best.

i am the daughter of the high king of heaven, the one who created the earth and knit me together before i was born. way back before my parents even knew each other or knew they'd have a daughter (or that they'd be so blessed to get one this dang good. wink.) together - God knew me and had a plan for me and the same is true for you.

"I know Who goes before me, I know Who stands behind. The God of angel armies is always on my side.The One who reigns forever, He is a Friend of mine, The God of angel armies is always by my side. Whom shall I fear?" [Chris Tomlin]

and for the pain of watching someone who isn't being themselves, oh there is the joy of the other side of the story! oh the joy of being with people who are at ease with themselves and are happy to be who they are. the contagiousness of their spirits and the things they are passionate about. when i'm with them my eyes are opened to new things, i laugh a  lot, my dreams start to grow and so does my joy.

there isn't a trace of bitterness or envy getting in the way, it's just nothing but the good stuff.

i like everyone but i'd say i am a little partial to artists. i love watching people who are creative do their thing and really do it. i like the ones who are being original. i don't care about imitations. i don't want to look at the people doing knock-offs and copying without giving credit where it is due. i want the real thing. i love fresh creativity.

of course there are many other parts of life besides the arts. and you are called to an original role. it is not a repeat role or an imitation, it's an original. for all the narcissism in the world, we're still really good at trading in our dreams and settling for half ass attempts at things and not being who we really are.

on sunday, someone on the radio was telling the story that an older man - who we will call nigel - passed on to him. nigel was advanced in years ... um, okay this isn't an old testament story of someone getting knocked up, no idea why i phrased it like that, but moving on ... nigel was old, but this story still brought tears to his eyes when he told it to the radio guy.

it was a story about when he was 12 years old and decided to go play basketball with his older brother and the guys from the neighborhood. nigel's mom told him it was the worst idea he'd ever had. they take free throw shots to see who will get to be the team captains and nigel is a horrible shot, one the first guys out. the competition continues until finally nigel's older brother is the last man left and gets to be the captain with the first pick.

and you can probably guess what's coming. instead of picking any of the great players, big brother stuck his arm out and pointed right at nigel and said, "i pick you, nigel. i want you on my team first." nigel was so overwhelmed he started to cry and big brother just put his arm around his shoulder and let him cry it out while the rest of the team was picked.

for the rest of his life that story impacted nigel and he never forgot what it felt like to be chosen. who knows how much of a springboard it was for his confidence and future success, or how many people he told it to that were then impacted, but he told it to radio guy who admitted he has passed it along several times since he heard it 10 years ago. the story gripped me.

i scribbled these notes into my journal as soon as i pulled into the parking lot at work ...
- when you are chosen it affects you at a deep level. you remember the feeling of being chosen.
- God chooses you.
- none of us are born as spectators; you either live into that chosenness or you abandon it.

i believe in you 100% and know if God chose you - which He did - you have great things ahead, regardless of what lies behind you. you have great things in the here and now so long as you choose them. i hope you choose to be yourself, because the world needs you.