almost christmas

back in november, someone at bed bath and beyond asked me if i was ready for the holidays. i shrugged and said, "i guess" without thinking twice, and the next thing i knew the guy was looking at me like he was completely offended. "you guess?! well it sure doesn't sound like you're excited!"

i considered giving him some excuses for what i hadn't realized would be my offensively lackadaisical response, but shrugged again instead. i was there adding things to my wedding registry, and all i would have had to say to shut him up would have been, "well, my fiance is in the army and he'll be deployed for christmas." womp womp, conversation end-er. no. matter. what.

people react like you're a porcupine about to spray needles when you say that. so i avoid saying it as much as possible because their reactions (usually wide eyes and silence) make me uncomfortable. yeah, it is not easy being apart and deployments terrify me ... but what can you do besides pray? (and trust and stay positive.)

it's all a great lesson in how no one is as in control as they think they are. military life just makes you face that reality up front on a daily basis. it means the world when people ask how lance is doing or tell me to thank him for his service, etc. someone from a wedding venue i was interacting with via email wrote, "give your fiance a big thank you from us for his service!" and i wished i could hug them through the computer screen.

i wasn't actually going to write about any of that, but whenever i write about my train of thought it inevitably leads to tangents. back to my originally intended tangent: how the store associate's reaction to my shrugs got me thinking about christmas.

christmas does not elicit shrieks of joy and hyper excitement in me the way it seems to in most people. for awhile i was really negative about christmas, based on bad experiences. i decided to stop getting excited for christmas because it always seemed to end badly.

thankfully i have moved past that, but it's good those years happened, because it makes it easier to keep in mind that amidst all of the celebrating, there are lots of hurting people.

i was reminded of that when i went into work the day after thanksgiving and the police monitor in the newsroom was a constant buzz of calls of people self-destructing, attempting suicide and committing suicide. a devastating reality, and i thought: 'this is only thanksgiving ... how will people make it  through december?!'

that could be answered several ways, but none of them seem right for here. i think the best advice is true year round: be sensitive to those around you, because you may never really know what they're going through. and if you're struggling, try not to get overwhelmed and do take things one day at a time.

and always be thankful for the little things. there are so many "little things" to be excited for every day, and christmastime is full of them too. here are a few of my favorites, now and then ...

• the conestoga historical society's christmas candlelight night last weekend. it was awesome - luminaries, carols, wassail, people in costume, fresh-doughnuts-made-over-the-fire and all.
• christmas eve church services.
• generosity.
• christmas lights. there is an amazing house in millersville this year that i slow down to look at every time i drive by. they even have lights falling out of a huge tree that look like shooting stars. so good.
• christmas movies: national lampoon's christmas vacation, the family stone, it's a wonderful life, the holiday and home alone are my top picks. since my birthday is so close to christmas, my childhood birthday parties were usually a sleepover that included the latest christmas movie. the biggest crowd pleaser in those days was jonathan taylor thomas' i'll be home for christmas.

• making menorahs and doing hanukkah stuff in elementary school. i wanted to be jewish after that lesson. (they really emphasized the multiple days of gifts and whatever bread they fed us was delicious.) i went home telling my mom we needed to be accepting of everyone and buy a menorah. we compromised by displaying the one i made at school out of half a paper plate.

• christmas episodes of tv shows. tuesday night's new girl, the mindy show and parenthood were just fantastic. but i can't say that there has ever been a bad episode of parenthood.