it's always always fine

"it's always always fine" is the best saying of my life. or at least one of the top ten. my friend and i coined it after discussing those times we freak out about stuff, and while in that moment it feels like the whole world is going to end if the stress doesn't kill you first ... it's always always fine.

reminding myself of this simple truth works wonders. the best example of "it's always always fine" and the power of prayer seeing me through happened a few weeks ago. i had a loose plan for the summer. it's not that i'm a big planner, but i hate to be aimless and try to be purposeful. however, a week before my summer class was scheduled to start i got an email saying it was canceled. i was pissed and started brainstorming what summer job i could find this last-minute to go with the evening/weekend hours at my current job. ("maybe i can plant tobacco? i know it's hard, but at least i'll get really tan." and with an attitude like that, God knows i would've been such a shining star in the fields - i'm sure all the guys are out there are thinking about their tan, haha.)

but in the back of my mind there was that still small voice that i freaking ADORE of the Lord telling me that it was all going to work out and i could trust Him. all of the other summer classes were filled up so i got busy emailing professors for permission to be added into their class. then i got really crazy and called all of them to leave desparate voicemails. i got zero responses but i did get an email about an internship that i decided to apply for.

it was the friday before summer classes were starting and i decided to make one more phone call to try to get into the course i needed. i called the english department this time, and someone extra cheery put me on the line with a professor who was less than excited about adding me to his already full class but he agreed. maybe i had saved all of my freaking out for that phone conversation and my desperation was too much for him to turn down. either way, I GOT THE CLASS! (which turned out to be one i needed even more than the one i'd originally planned on taking.) and that same day i found out i had an interview for the internship! and wouldn't you know, this week I STARTED AS THE SUMMER INTERN! could i be any happier? could God be anymore faithful? God never fails. He is always good. He works all things together for good. it's always always fine.

it happened again yesterday, when i was really tired after interning and dreading going into work for the evening. i swung by the gym for a quick in-between-jobs workout, and had two voicemails when i left. the first was an invite to go swimming, my favorite. i pouted because i couldn't go, but the next voicemail was from work ... and they didn't need me to come in that night after all! it went from a dreaded day to a super fun summer night and i can't thank the Lord enough for always looking out for me. God has to get such a kick out of me as i grow in trusting Him. He probably watches me fight the urge to freakout and just laughs to Himself, knowing that He is working it all out in His intricately perfect glory and in a few moments i'll be over-the-top happy. God, help me to hang onto the happy. consume me with joy in all that You are, instead of getting distracted and forgetting to trust you. i trust you because i can - you're awesome! amen and amen.

happy mother's day

when i was little i kept a mental list of everything i wasn't going to do like my mom. (my kids will have chocolate milk for every meal! and i will let them put bumper stickers all over my car & decorate the whole house in multicolored christmas lights!) now i have trouble remembering most of that list as i try to glean as much wisdom as possible from my awesome mom, hero, and bff. i love you forever susan!

snakes

snakes make my toes curl up and i sprint away in complete fear even if someone just tells me a snake might be there. and if i'm out for a run and see a dead one, i run faster because they still give me the creeps. i told myself this would be the summer i'd overcome my fear of snakes, and in saying that i was kind of scared that something bad would happen and i'd really HAVE to face it. (like people telling you if you pray for patience, God will give you plenty of "opportunities.") amidst all the promises for miracles, the things Jesus said about snakes challenge me the most.

"I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." [Luke 10:19]

"And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well." [Matthew 16:17-18]

so the other weekend when my mom told me she saw FOUR snakes outside, what did i do? i did not wash my car that was parked outside ready to be washed. i did however, check it paranoidly when i left for work, because i'd left the windows down and was afraid a snake may have slithered in. (pathetic, i know.) then i was telling God that i really want to marry a man who will
kill snakes for me. (and not make fun of me for being afraid of them.) i wondered how unreasonable this was, considering that i believe fear is sin and we should not succomb to walking in it.

i think i got my "answer" when i started reading "so long insecurity" by beth moore. i love the way she writes. she talked about walking out in her ranch with her ipod blaring, one hand raised up praising God, and a shotgun in the other - because her husband taught her how to shoot rattlesnakes! what a brilliant solution! so i'm curious to see if i end up with a man who is patient enough to teach me how to shoot (that's a LOT of patience & a lot of faith in me, eek!), or one who will just kill every snake in a five mile vicinity. then again maybe we'll live in hawaii where there are no snakes. i love how every option sounds good when i try to see things from the Lord's perspective ...