run run surrender

i went to a christmas service last night that focused on how we all run from God. jonah was the main example, along with lots of modern day scenarios. my favorite was "maybe you're dating a girl, and you know you shouldn't be. she's not a christian, but she's really cute. so you keep dating her because you tell yourself that it's a lot easier to become a christian than to become really cute ..."

we all run from God. sometimes we realize it and sometimes we don't, but we always have our reasons. you're obviously hurting yourself when you do this, because logically you do not have a better idea of how your life should go than the God who created you. (why is that simple truth so hard for me to live out in trust?) what's more is that you're hurting others. this came as an epiphany to me, and i can see it so clearly in my life. i never want to hurt others but i end up doing it anyway, and it's always when i'm taking my own path instead of God's. i ramb my way ahead thinking that i am making a better path. the problem is that when i finally realize or acknowledge the mistakes that i've made, there is no path to turn back on. i can't just go back to the begining and start again. i've gone so far and left nothing but a mess behind me. there is no trail in sight and no way to go forward without getting hurt even more. (picture being lost in the woods, darkness around you, jaggers and prickers in every direction when you're already bleeding, maybe the threat of some yellow jackets stinging you.)

what then? what now? if i were a jock i'd say "failure is not an option" but as someone who lacks the competitive gene that doesn't quite fit. i think the answer is surrender. a loaded word i kind of hate, because i don't understand it. or maybe i pretend to not understand it, in order to avoid it. terri cheney wrote, "i only know that my greatest victories have always been surrenders." that's what i want God ... help me.

Oh Britney

Britney Spears latest song "3" is catchy. I found myself humming it after hearing it on the radio way too many times, until one day I listened to what I was singing. It's about freaking threesomes! Most of the lyrics are too obscene to tastefully post here, but the line that bugs me the most is "Living in sin is the new thing - are you in?"

No Britney, I'm not in! And as a matter of fact, you're wrong. Living in sin is SO not the new thing. It's the oldest thing in the book and it's why the world, particularly yours, is in such a state of pain and distress. My heart goes out to that girl. She is beautiful and talented, but she's made a lot of sad choices and faced a lot of unnecessary scrutiny. How could you expect anyone whose life is put under such a magnifying glass for the world to judge and joke about to come out of it sane?

I think about her two adorable little boys too, and the therapy they've got coming. I hope this means I’m going to be a good mom someday, because my heart always goes out to the children when I witness or hear about devastating family situations. I want to sneak money to a coworker who has six or seven kids (to as many different men) because I care about her kids. I hate the choices she’s made and continues to make. But I still want the best for her children and even for her, because I know the Lord desires great things for her. When I saw the movie “Brothers” last weekend (which I loved!), I had to close my eyes for some of the devastating war scenes, but the times my eyes were filled with tears was whenever the two little girls cried or were scared.

I can’t imagine what it would be like for Sean and Jayden (Yeah, I am one of “those” people who refers to celebrities … and maybe even their families … on a first name basis, haha. Those are Britney’s sons for those of you who maintain a sense of dignity and normalcy.) to have such a highly criticized celebrity for a parent. Having a mom who behaved like her would be devastating for a kid living in anonymous suburbia, let alone enduring it under a harsh, global, and very public audience.

Part of me feels guilty even writing this, because I’m basing my sympathy for Britney and her family on what is essentially gossip. I’m discussing someone I’ve never even met. I’m acting like I know her or have a clue what fame is like. However I honestly want to pray for her, to contend for her life, because God wants her to thrive. Fame, wealth, and success are overrated. Significance is what everyone longs for, and it is probably underrated, or at least under-recognized. God has designed each of us for significance. Can you imagine the domino effect that would occur when Britney realizes her own significance in the scheme of God’s plans for his people?! The same domino effect can come from each of us when we realize our own significance. Live with purpose, on purpose!

Here are lyrics I love from Bebo Norman's song "Britney."

Britney I'm sorry for the lies we told
We took you into our arms and then left you cold
Britney I'm sorry for this cruel, cruel world
We sell the beauty but destroy the girl
Britney I'm sorry for your broken heart
We stood aside and watched you fall apart
I'm sorry we told you fame would fill you up
And money moves the man so drink the cup

I know love goes around the world we know
And you never see it coming back
You never see it coming back
I know love goes around the world we know
And you never see it coming back
But I can see it coming back for you
Yes coming back for you

Britney I'm sorry for the stones we throw
We tear you down just so we can watch the show
Britney I'm sorry for the words we say
We point the finger as you fall from grace

Britney I do believe that love has come
Here for the broken
Here for the ones like us
I can see it coming back for you