blame it on the phone

i just threw my phone on my bed and screamed. not a blood-curdling fear-inhibited scream, but a scream of frustration or dismay or loss for words. a temper tantrum of sorts. it's honestly ridiculous how much power my phone has to make me flip out.

i also love how i blame my phone? nothing like taking out your frustration on an inanimate object you pay money to have when the root is always something bigger. (and usually a mess that i played a large part in getting myself into in the first place.)

i toy around with the idea of getting rid of my cell phone. it's funny how dependent everyone is on their cell phone when five years ago it was not a part of the human body the way that it seems to be nowadays. it's tempting to get rid of it because i suck at communicating. if i didn't have a phone a whole lot of communicating could be avoided. and maybe when i say communicating i mean confrontation ... hmmm. i suck at confrontation. i have a very good "knower" and know what i should do, but executing it does not necessarily pan out efficiently.

i hate what i am writing because i'm doing the thing that everyone does where instead of getting to the point, i'm being elusive and dramatic. example: the person who will blab on about blah blah blah when they could really say "this happened. i'm hurt." instead it turns into an elaborate explanation of who knows what because no one wants to be vulnerable. including me.

so let me come right out and say that the PHONE issues are BOY issues. if it's not a voicemail it's a text and if it's not one boy it's another. and you can only not answer your phone for so long. and you can only pretend for so long. and you can only avoid confrontation for so long. ughhh ... have mercy!