a rambling girl

why do i always want what i can't have? and then when i can have it, i don't want it anymore. do we ever stop doing that? will i?

why do my legs itch when i run for a long time? is it wrong that i flicked GOD off while i was running tonight? can i hail mary my way outta that one? and what's the deal with my fascination with catholic tradition?

who seriously likes spagetti? and why is the olive garden always so crowded when their food is terrible and overpriced?

how am i both intimidating and friendly? isn't that a classic oxymoron?

why does summer make me want a boyfriend? and why does winter make me hungry?

what makes music so emotional? and why does alcohol make people sing so much? if we were all completely at home with ourselves and didn't depend on alcohol as an excuse for mischief, would we drift through life with a constant song on our lips? what happened that we all feel the need to put up walls and be anyone but ourselves?

is there a way to make yourself cry? throw up? because sometimes i wish i could do both in a heartbeat and feel better instantaneously. but then again i don't know that either could make the hurt go away in those moments.

how crazy is it that thinking about something too much makes my stomach hurt? God really did make us people of wholeness, we can't ignore the physical or emotional or spiritual and expect to be complete.

why do i always feel so bad for people? when i have nothing to do with it? how can i give money to someone without them feeling like a charity case?

how can i get girls to realize their worth is so much higher? that they deserve guys who aren't cheating, addicted to porn, unemployed, imprisoned, lazy? not only do they deserve it but they should demand it instead of lowering the standards across the board.

what drives some girls to skinniness, but i look at my rolls in disgust and load up on ice cream instead of deprivation?

why can't i find a new purse? why is every purse i'm remotely drawn to priced above $100? and how can some people justify owning closetfuls of designer bags but the thought of buying even one $50 purse at tjmaxx makes me sick with guilt?

is being independent a character flaw? who decided that being an extrovert was so much better than being an introvert?

whatever happened to my canadian pen pal? is that when i started thinking canadians must all be weird? and whatever happened to my friend alecia from the second grade? better still - where is my imaginary pet pig pumba? i should buy a piglet.

if i admitted that i have some regrets would i stop living in fear of making more regrets?

is a late obedience considered disobedience? or does the fact that i'm asking and meddling around in so much grey area mean i've lost the point of obedience in the first place ...