a must watch

please make time to watch this.

it will make your stomach churn, but it is something everyone should be aware of.

the lack of media coverage for this case is wrong - just like everything about what was going on at the clinic run by dr.kermit gosnell in philadelphia was wrong.

i couldn't stop thinking about this. i feel like someone who is letting another holocaust happen. remember after the holocaust in germany, the disgust for the people who stood by and let the injustice happen?

i feel just as guilty when i think about abortion. to me it is not a matter of God "letting it happen" and wondering "how He could let it happen." what? no! we are the ones letting this happen. whether by living in our safe boxes and not reaching out to people, by forgetting and ignoring it, and by not doing anything to help. human lives are being snuffed out every day and i feel so guilty for letting that happen, but i want to move past that place of guilt and into action.

did you watch? what do you think? what can we do?

procrastinating

i am procrastinating on writing a freelance article that is due ... today.

every time i get a freelance assignment i think, 'this is easy money, i need to do more of these ...' but when i'm in the thick of it i realize you totally earn what you're paid. writing is hard. sure it comes fairly easily for me, but it is such a process.

they name the payment and i think, 'easy, i'll do it in one hour.' (hence the figure sounding large in my mind.) that never happens. especially when you have to interview multiple people. people who generally do not seem to grasp the concept of deadlines, which adds to the procrastination.

someone shared at my new "women in the word" lunch group about how convicted they feel about not being outright lazy, but being slack.

"slack habits and sloppy work are as bad as vandalism." [proverbs 18:9, the message]

"one who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys." [proverbs 18:9, niv]

it so resonated with me, as she talked about how she can get by in most things with putting them off and not working as hard as other people might. that's me. which makes me think - if i put 100% effort into this, how much better could it have been? how much more could i accomplish in life if i gave 100% instead of being lazy or holding back?

i don't think of myself as lazy. but slack definitely hits it. 

i get involved in things, get things done, and i feel like i've accomplished a lot by 25. but at the same time, i know there is so much more i could do. i know i have so much more talent and potential to maximize and i need to. i want to do the best work i can do and not slack.

of course on the opposite side of this, there is the importance of rest. but believe me, i get that. i am pretty great at resting. (such a skill to brag about, i know.) now is a time to kick my butt into gear. 

which i am doing a fabulous job of as i write a blog post instead of finishing my work. (to top it off i got a phone call while i was writing this and accepted another freelance article opportunity - can you say irony?)

but blogging helps me to get my thoughts, word vomit, whatever you want to call it, out of my system. it gets my wheels turning and writing juices flowing. so this is like a stretch before a workout, if you will.

the ladies lunch group i joined at my church is nice and laidback, and every week i am totally energized when i leave. which is funny because i kind of drag myself there like, 'oh do i really feel like going to this and being around all of these new people?' which is totally the devil, because he must know that when i go i get majorly encouraged and leave praising the Lord for how awesome He is.

each woman has an amazing testimony. there is someone with aspergers, an ex-stripper, someone struggling with depression for years, one whose first husband was abusive to the point of holding her at gun point, someone from south africa - it's just wonderful. 

and each week someone new shares their "story." 

stories are one of my favorite things in life, right up there with God, Lance, family, good food and the beach. mmm. half the time i tear up listening to the person sharing. it amazes me how God reaches each of us. it is different for every person, but always powerful and life changing. 

we serve a mighty God who is able to reach every person on earth, no matter where they are, where they have been or what they have done. nothing we do can make God love us less. that's amazing! that's something to not only rejoice about but to be constantly grateful for! who wouldn't want to serve a God like that?!

i also love that the group is mixed ages. some of the women who have been married longer dished out advice today - i am a sponge for that stuff, listening and soaking.

so here is my takeaway ...

• if you can, stay home with your kids. it is exhausting, but that time goes by in a snap. no one takes care of your babies better than you. and you can't "do it later" when it comes to stuff with your kids. when they go to college you can't say, "well now we can go to the park every day" or have play dates. you want to be able to look back at their childhood and think about how much fun you had together.
• let go of high expectations for yourself and for others. don't expect it and you won't be disappointed. particularly when it comes to your in-laws. accept that they may not think like you, or have the mentality you wish they would. don't try to give them advice or fix things they complain about - just listen. remember that they brought your spouse into this world, so there really is something good there. and they are his people - he knows how they are and he doesn't need you to tell him.
• "families who pray together, stay together." apparently one in four marriages in the united states fail, but of couples who pray together, that number drops to one in 10,000. if you're praying with someone on a regular basis, it is difficult to stay angry or fighting.

what fascinated me about the woman who shared that last bit about prayer, is that she said (after listening to some horror in-law stories from the group) that she felt like she needed to go home and just thank God over and over and over, because she could not imagine having better in-laws. 

now she wants to be the best mother-in-law possible to her new daughter-in-law, "because she is the best thing that ever happened to us." um, wow! who wouldn't want to be loved like that?!

the cycles we are capable of creating when we love others are incredible. perhaps her in-laws came from a long line of great family and in-laws who treated their children and in-laws with respect and love. or maybe they were the first to go above and beyond in doing so. 

either way, they made a huge impression by loving. 

that impression, their love and respect, has set the bar for someone else, who now wants to go above and beyond that. 

it reminds me of going from glory to glory, and from character to character as we grow - we can go to greater depths as we build upon those who have gone before us, or as we set new foundations. let's not stay in shallow water, let's go deep!

"but we all, with open face beholding 

as in a glass the glory of the Lord, 

are changed into the same image from glory to glory, 

even as by the Spirit of the Lord." 

[2 cor. 3:18 kjv]

1 Timothy 6:11-21

I like this Bible verse in the New International Version but looked it up in the Message and liked that version too. (I like reading both versions because I feel like the NIV is more clear, but the language of the Message version can be so pretty.) 

So here it is, with my favorite parts in bold and blanks where it said Timothy so you can insert your name and receive the same encouraging charge.

"But you, __________, man of God: Run for your life from all this. 
Pursue a righteous life—a life of wonder, faith, love, steadiness, courtesy. 
Run hard and fast in the faith. 
Seize the eternal life, the life you were called to, 
the life you so fervently embraced in the presence of so many witnesses.

I’m charging you before the life-giving God and before Christ, 
who took his stand before Pontius Pilate and didn’t give an inch: 
Keep this command to the letter, and don’t slack off. 
Our Master, Jesus Christ, is on his way. 
He’ll show up right on time, his arrival guaranteed 
by the Blessed and Undisputed Ruler, High King, High God. 
He’s the only one death can’t touch, his light so bright no one can get close. 
He’s never been seen by human eyes—human eyes can’t take him in! 
Honor to him, and eternal rule! Oh, yes.

Tell those rich in this world’s wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow. 
Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage—to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. If they do that, they’ll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.

And oh, my dear _______, guard the treasure you were given! 
Guard it with your life. 
Avoid the talk-show religion and the practiced confusion of the so-called experts. 
People caught up in a lot of talk can miss the whole point of faith.
Overwhelming grace keep you!"

[1 Timothy 6:11-21]

Super Bowl commercials

Lance got back to the United States early yesterday morning from his third deployment, woohoo!

All day I was regretting my decision to save money and not take off work and fly down to see him ... but ... such is life, and our reunion in PA in a few weeks will be even sweeter. =)

So of course this Jeep commercial at the Super Bowl made me tear up ...

"We wait. We hope. We pray. Until you're home again."

I also loved the Dodge Ram God Made A Farmer commercial - how could you not?! If there was a winner for the ads, I'd say this was definitely it.

Here is another poem by Paul Harvey, the broadcaster who wrote the farmer poem in the video. He wrote this in a newspaper column in 1964 ...

"If I were the Devil . . .

I mean, if I were the Prince of Darkness, I would of course, want to engulf the whole earth in darkness.

I would have a third of its real estate and four-fifths of its population, but I would not be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree, so I should set about however necessary to take over the United States.

I would begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: “Do as you please.” “Do as you please.”

To the young, I would whisper, “The Bible is a myth.” I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what is bad is good, and what is good is “square”.

In the ears of the young marrieds, I would whisper that work is debasing, that cocktail parties are good for you. I would caution them not to be extreme in religion, in patriotism, in moral conduct.

And the old, I would teach to pray. I would teach them to say after me: “Our Father, which art in Washington” . . .

If I were the devil, I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull an uninteresting.

I’d threaten T.V. with dirtier movies and vice versa.

And then, if I were the devil, I’d get organized. I’d infiltrate unions and urge more loafing and less work, because idle hands usually work for me.

I’d peddle narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. And I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

If I were the devil, I would encourage schools to refine yound intellects but neglect to discipline emotions . . . let those run wild.

I would designate an athiest to front for me before the highest courts in the land and I would get preachers to say “she’s right.”

With flattery and promises of power, I could get the courts to rule what I construe as against God and in favor of pornography, and thus, I would evict God from the courthouse, and then from the school house, and then from the houses of Congress.

Then in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion, and I would deify science.

If I were Satan, I’d make the symbol of Easter an egg, and the symbol of Christmas, a bottle.

If I were the devil, I would take from those who have and I would give to those who wanted, until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.

And then, my police state would force everybody back to work. Then, I could separate families, putting children in uniform, women in coal mines, and objectors in slave camps.

In other words, if I were Satan, I’d just keep on doing what he’s doing."

on planned parenthood and abortion

i had to write an article about recently released abortion statistics. went to planned parenthood for the first time and WOW - i was  out of breath when i got back to my car. there were no dogs chasing me. it is just that heavy of an atmosphere inside. and i'm not exaggerating when i say that everyone in the waiting room stared at me when i went in.

their public relations team is so elusive. their comments (when i finally reached them) were vague and practically worthless for a decent article. "that's such a small statistical change it's not even worth speculating why abortions rose in that county ..." and literally the same answer to explain the 65% rate of complications on abortions in PA. i don't know, i think thousands of dead babies is significant whether it's a "small percentage" to you or not.

if you're not sure where you stand about abortion, or find my comments abrasive or uneducated, please check out this excellent post by john piper titled "we know they are killing children - all of us know." oh and what about the disproportionate number of african-american women receiving abortions? care to comment about that? or about the reason margaret sanger founded planned parenthood in the first place? and why they were (and are) strategically located in certain areas?

the whole "thing" saddens me. the way so many people in our country are being conditioned to think that abortion is okay. the way people give up on thinking it is wrong and fighting for it to end. the language created to distort what abortion actually IS in people's minds. it is heartbreaking. my editor kept correcting me whenever i said "pro-life" he would say "anti-abortion." uh, no. please stop trying to trick your mind. why do you get to decide the language used to discuss this? the opposite of abortion is LIFE. the opposite of LIFE is death.

can't stop thinking about them

 {source: google images}

i can't really stop thinking about everyone in newtown, connecticut. i cry whenever i read anything about it and sometimes even when i just start to think about the people.

i keep reading even though i feel like that perpetuates a news cycle that we might be better off without. the news industry is corrupt. (i feel that way even about the little newspaper i work for.) i keep reading because i feel that the least i can do is remember they lived and this happened to them. but maybe i shouldn't, because it sickens me to think about everyone in newtown having to deal with the media in their faces.

a woman from york wrote a poem that went viral and was read on the dr. phil show yesterday. (you can read her poem here or google cameo smith poem.) i was supposed to interview her and when she called me back today she said her phone has been ringing off the hook, and she hasn't been calling people back because she doesn't want publicity.

but she said she wanted to call me back.
i interrupted, "because we're local."
and she said, "well, that, and you just sounded really nice."

that made my day. a sweet reminder that it's okay that i'm not an aggressive reporter like i feel pressure to be. really a reminder to keep being myself and always trust God.

i have opinions about all the talk about tougher gun laws and the mental health care system. (and i probably shouldn't admit this, but i can easily be convinced of conspiracy theories too.) but when i get caught up in those i lose focus on what is more important: love and kindness. my friend sarah's boyfriend, aaron, summed it up so well with what he wrote on facebook:

"Everybody is all worked up about how to stop all the evil and hatred in the world. The answer is simple, it's LOVE! Love your kids, love your family, love your significant other, and better yet love a stranger. Make somebody smile, make a difference."

future me

i highly recommend using futureme.org to write yourself an email for the future. i just got one i wrote five years ago and it cracked me up. i decided that i like the way i used to write better than the way i write now. education, schmeducation. five years ago i had a wee bit of college and zero "expertise" from editors and guess what? i think i sounded fine.

here is an excerpt. because the whole thing would be embarrassing. (but not as embarrassing as the years of journals in my closet that i said i was going to throw out but lance insisted i should keep.) i love this part ...

i hope that you have traveled. i hope that you have visited alaska and the west coast. i hope that you have gone to mozambique, and if you haven't ... go now! screw the job. screw the american dream ... or it will screw you. am i not right??

aunt karen wrote that she hopes you continue to become more and more like the image of christ this year. did you? are you? are you studying the word of God (who must be in love with you) and soaking it up and being a walking joy? a breath of life to those around you? be an encourager. be a mystic. be all that you can be, be prophetic and bold and boldly prophetic. heal someone on the sidewalk if you feel that's what God is saying. live. go. dream. love yourself, cause you're beautiful.

"do not be afraid."



untitled

be yourself. maybe you've heard it hundreds of times. or maybe no one has ever said it directly to you but i'm telling you now: be yourself.

it is painful to watch someone who is not being themselves. is it something you notice?

it is painful to watch people trying to keep up to other people, trying to be like someone else or become more like so-and-so. even when people try to imitate photographs i find it painfully obvious. don't pose and try to be like someone else, just do your own thing.

it is painful to interact with a person who is clearly pretending to be something they're not, not speaking in their voice, and liking or doing things they don't actually like or desire to do. ultimately it seems that it stems from fear, insecurity, jealousy or not knowing who you are.

whether you're starting from scratch or not, know that you are a child of God. there was a point when i was 18 that it really hit me and it changed my life for the best.

i am the daughter of the high king of heaven, the one who created the earth and knit me together before i was born. way back before my parents even knew each other or knew they'd have a daughter (or that they'd be so blessed to get one this dang good. wink.) together - God knew me and had a plan for me and the same is true for you.

"I know Who goes before me, I know Who stands behind. The God of angel armies is always on my side.The One who reigns forever, He is a Friend of mine, The God of angel armies is always by my side. Whom shall I fear?" [Chris Tomlin]

and for the pain of watching someone who isn't being themselves, oh there is the joy of the other side of the story! oh the joy of being with people who are at ease with themselves and are happy to be who they are. the contagiousness of their spirits and the things they are passionate about. when i'm with them my eyes are opened to new things, i laugh a  lot, my dreams start to grow and so does my joy.

there isn't a trace of bitterness or envy getting in the way, it's just nothing but the good stuff.

i like everyone but i'd say i am a little partial to artists. i love watching people who are creative do their thing and really do it. i like the ones who are being original. i don't care about imitations. i don't want to look at the people doing knock-offs and copying without giving credit where it is due. i want the real thing. i love fresh creativity.

of course there are many other parts of life besides the arts. and you are called to an original role. it is not a repeat role or an imitation, it's an original. for all the narcissism in the world, we're still really good at trading in our dreams and settling for half ass attempts at things and not being who we really are.

on sunday, someone on the radio was telling the story that an older man - who we will call nigel - passed on to him. nigel was advanced in years ... um, okay this isn't an old testament story of someone getting knocked up, no idea why i phrased it like that, but moving on ... nigel was old, but this story still brought tears to his eyes when he told it to the radio guy.

it was a story about when he was 12 years old and decided to go play basketball with his older brother and the guys from the neighborhood. nigel's mom told him it was the worst idea he'd ever had. they take free throw shots to see who will get to be the team captains and nigel is a horrible shot, one the first guys out. the competition continues until finally nigel's older brother is the last man left and gets to be the captain with the first pick.

and you can probably guess what's coming. instead of picking any of the great players, big brother stuck his arm out and pointed right at nigel and said, "i pick you, nigel. i want you on my team first." nigel was so overwhelmed he started to cry and big brother just put his arm around his shoulder and let him cry it out while the rest of the team was picked.

for the rest of his life that story impacted nigel and he never forgot what it felt like to be chosen. who knows how much of a springboard it was for his confidence and future success, or how many people he told it to that were then impacted, but he told it to radio guy who admitted he has passed it along several times since he heard it 10 years ago. the story gripped me.

i scribbled these notes into my journal as soon as i pulled into the parking lot at work ...
- when you are chosen it affects you at a deep level. you remember the feeling of being chosen.
- God chooses you.
- none of us are born as spectators; you either live into that chosenness or you abandon it.

i believe in you 100% and know if God chose you - which He did - you have great things ahead, regardless of what lies behind you. you have great things in the here and now so long as you choose them. i hope you choose to be yourself, because the world needs you.

the last latte

there is nothing like walking past a twitching homeless looking person on your way into starbucks to make you feel like a complete monster.

and (yes mom) i know, i know, i know - i should never go to starbucks in the first place because it is a waste of money.

but i do. i am a sucker for good atmosphere and i love going to cafes to read. so the other sunday i was going to read before work and i walked past that man sitting outside the entrance. i ignored him. i got my pumpkin spice latte and sat down with my bible and journal spread out on the table and i could not stop staring at the man sitting outside, feeling like the biggest hypocrite in the world.

i bought some bread to give him. (funny how overpriced and ridiculous starbucks seemed when i was not buying it for myself.) he came shuffling into the store with some kind of limp, and he had a credit card and i thought, 'oh geez chelsea, he is not even homeless you are just incredibly judgmental of how he LOOKS.'

but there was some sort of scuffle at the register, and i assume the card was declined because he did not get anything and the cashier seemed miffed. he went back out to his spot outside by the door and began saying something to everyone who came in and they would look at him with an extremely uncomfortable expression.

the day before, my devotions were VERY specifically all about helping the poor. does this happen to anyone else?! or does God love me extra?

i could not concentrate on reading, and i don't think the Lord had me there to read at that point anyway, so i was about to leave and give him the bread when the cops showed up to talk to the man. the employees cheered, but when the cop came inside he spoke to the manager and more or less seemed agitated by the whole thing. he did not make the man leave. peculiar, but then again the city i work in is full of shootings and stabbings galore, so i suppose those things take priority over loitering.

the cop left and i went outside. the man was smoking and wearing dark glasses and i just said, "do you want this?" and handed him the bag of bread when he said "sure." as i turned to walk away i heard him say, "thank you darling."

he seemed sweet, like the kind of character i enjoy listening to. aside from his black, gnarled upper lip he reminded me of willie nelson. i don't know why i didn't at least talk to him briefly. i was curious about him as a person, but the huge glass windows allowing a packed coffeehouse of gawkers to watch our interaction must have scared me away.

which is sad. because now i'll probably never know his story.

was he an alcoholic? a freeloader or con man? was he there as part of a psychology experiment for an ivy league university? does he have a deep faith or none at all? was he lonely? does he have a home? what happened to his lip? how did he afford cigarettes? where was he going after starbucks? does he get a lot of guilt muffins like mine? what was he saying to all the people as they walked in? where will he go for christmas? has he cried himself to sleep so many nights that he is all cried out? or is he content with his life?

what would he want the world to know about him and about life?

i drove away convicted. (in all honestly i sat at the red light beside the shop so long that someone honked at me when it turned green because i was still staring at him thinking, 'what if he was Jesus and i just effed that up completely?! what if he was an angel and i totally blew a really easy test?!' ... i take things to the extreme, people, but you probably know this.)

i didn't really stop thinking about it and last week at bible study a woman shared a very similar experience she had with homeless people at panera bread. what i experienced and what she shared really stirred something up inside of me.

the conversation that followed did not resolve anything in my mind, but maybe it wasn't meant to. there is something more that God wants me to see and do, and parts of myself i need to face and change.

if we don't respond in the "little stuff" we will not respond at all.

advice for engaged women

I am pasting this great advice from the Grace Full Mama blog here for quick reference (it's so good!) and to see what you would add to her list of "20 Things I Want To Tell Engaged and Newlywed Women (Really All Married Women)." 

Would you add any other advice? I am all ears, people.

1. Marriage is made up of two good forgivers. Because every marriage is made up of two sinners. (Romans 3:23)

2. At some point, you will have to learn that life isn’t all about you. (Philippians 2:3)

3. Don’t listen to women that tell you that passion fades…it doesn’t have to! (um…all of Song of Solomon)

4. Don’t give up. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13)

5. He wants a kind wife, not a maid or another mother. Be nice. (Galatians 5:22-23)

6. Give your husband the gift of your respect.  He needs it more than you know. (Ephesians 5:33)

7. Be mindful of your expectations.

8. Honor the Lord above all things. Colossians 3: 17

9. Find your worth and security in the Lord, and don’t look to your husband to meet all of your needs.

10. Be very careful about reading romance novels, they set you up for an unrealistic view of romance.

11. Real romance is finding that one spot in the crook of his arm to snuggle into, that shared look over the dinner table when the kids are acting crazy, and the way he fixes the leaky sink when he is dog-tired after work.

12. Love is about relationship.  The more I love my husband, and seek a relationship with him, the less critical and duty-bound I become.  It is similar to my relationship with God.

13. Be thankful for the husband you have. Accept him as he is, not for what you want him to be.

14. Don’t compare!! Don’t buy into the game of comparing him with anyone else’s husband.

15.The Biblically “normal” marriage is filled with joy, connection, laughter, and peace.  It’s not free of hurt feelings and conflict, but they know how to process their pain with one another so that they live more often in a meadow than at the scene of a train wreck.  This is not the average marriage, but it normal – -because it is a visible display of Jesus’ relationship with His bride (Ephesians 5:22-33).

16. Your marriage is a testimony! “The #1 evangelistic tool in America (the world) today is a successful marriage, because it’s a living miracle!” – Dr. Joe Aldrich, former president of Multnomah Bible College.

17. Pray for your marriage. Pray hard.

18.I’ve heard that is gets better with age.  I have to say in my short {13 year} experience, that is so true.

19. Where there is God, there is always hope. Even for the most broken marriages. “With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

20.Marriage is commitment and sacrifice. But it’s also the best, most wild ride you will ever have with your best friend.

a burial

last week i went to a burial at a beautiful cemetery on a hill way down in the countryside where i grew up. i'm not used to driving those winding back roads and thought for sure i was lost and would be late, but i made it.

i pulled into the parking lot where groups of unfamiliar people were gathered and wished i wasn't alone. i quickly found my friend molly to give her a big hug. she was the reason i was there. her dad died.

molly (not her real name, because i am funny about using real names here) and i were best buds in elementary school. we rode the bus together, were goofballs, and played at each others houses and at our brothers baseball games.

and when molly's parents started going through a divorce, we started going to banana splits together at school. banana splits was the perk of having divorced parents. everyone wanted to go.

we got out of class for maybe 30 minutes to go to banana splits once a week, and at the end of the school year we got to eat a banana split. because in theory we were "banana splits"- split between two parents.

it was there that i learned i was being jipped of a lot of the perks other kids got in a divorce, because i did not in fact get two houses or two bedrooms, double christmases, or double toys and books. and i got confused at banana splits when they told us things like "it's not your fault." um, of course it wasn't my fault. i went home and asked my mom why any kid would ever think that a divorce had anything to do with them. it made no sense to me.

while i may have wished for the material amenities other kids got out of their parents divorces, even at that young age i think i knew that none of those things really mattered. i had been spared from an awful lot in the realm of divorce, and that became even clearer when molly's parents first separated.

i couldn't believe the things that her mom was saying and doing. molly cried a lot. i was scared for her and wanted to help but i did not know how. she even cried in class and our teacher would let her hide under a table until she stopped. sometimes she'd be in the bathroom forever and our teacher would send me to check on her, and she'd be in there crying.

our play dates had temporarily been only at my house while things were really messy, but eventually her dad built a new house and we started having play dates there too.

he was a great dad. like, really great. he took care of molly and her brothers and you could tell he adored them and that the feeling was mutual from all three of his kids. at her birthday party he planned food and games and prizes all by himself - for a bunch of squealing fourth grade girls. in the summer he let each of his kids take a friend along to the beach. he took lots of pictures and gave us money for the boardwalk and took us out for pizza.

once molly and i got lost in the woods at her house with her little brother and were gone for hours. her little brother cried while we devised plans on how to stay alive in the wilderness where we were sure we'd be stuck forever. (clearly neither molly or i were very dramatic.) we finally heard her dad yelling for us as he barreled through the woods on his four-wheeler. we yelled back to him and somehow we managed to run through the briar bushes that moments before had seemed impossible to ever make our way back out of. he hugged us and rescued us on the four-wheeler.

when i found out molly's dad was dead i cried, even though it had been years since i had hung out with her or seen her dad. i wondered for the umpteenth time why life is unfair.

i wanted to make a deal with God. even though i know it doesn't work like that, and i know life is hard and death is a part of it, i still had to ask. why him God? i would have given you my dad so that her dad could live. my dad had just called me to tell me that i'm worthless again - why couldn't he die instead of molly's dad?

and why do some people - like molly - have to go through so many hard things? why couldn't this happen to one of my friends who seem to never go through anything really difficult, all the while with a total lack of gratitude for how blessed they are?

when her older brother spoke at the burial it was all i could do to keep myself from completely bawling as tears fell down my face. he used the perfect mix of humor and sentimentality without being sappy. he said that whenever he would cry growing up, his dad would cry with him and then he would say, "i hate that you have to go through this, but you know what buddy? the sun's going to come up again tomorrow, and we've got to get up with it."

i love that his dad would cry with him. part of the reason i love it so much is that he was a big, handsome, man's man who loved hunting and fishing and the outdoors. he truly was all man - because he was not only strong physically but strong emotionally, and modeled healthy emotions to his children.

after the burial i stopped at one of my favorite spots by the river. the sunset was perfect. i hobbled past some fishermen in my heels and dress to sit on a rock above the river, and then a dad with two little kids walked by. and i know there's been a lot of crying in this post already, but i started to cry.

i cried for molly and her family, and for everyone who knew molly's dad and will feel his absence every day. and i cried for myself and i even cried thinking about the two little kids at the river with their dad who i didn't even know.

in the midst of crying i remembered that i had bawled my eyes out in that very same spot more than a year ago after church.

someone at church had given me a word that i more or less blew off as a probably made up word that could have fit anyone's life - even though i started crying as soon as i got to my car. it sparked me to cry so much that when i got home, even after a stop at the river spot to regroup, my mom asked if i was hung over. (i envy the pretty criers of the world, i really do.)

but on that particular monday night things started to click as i remembered that forgotten word and realized how right on it was, and how much God had been doing in my life in the past year.

it's funny how you barely see it in the day to day, and then all of a sudden you accidentally turn around and see it - the growing up and the learning and everything God has done.

"peace like a river is surrounding me

when my whole world is a raging sea

only your light is what my soul has found

lost on the ocean."

[matt brouwer]

"peace like a river ran through the city

long past the midnight curfew

we sat starry-eyed

we were satisfied."

[paul simon]

Simple Devotion - I Trust You (Justin Frederick)

reminder

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." [Jeremiah 29:11]

it's amazing how you can hear a verse for years and never really be affected by it and then all of a sudden something strikes you. i love how God's Word is like that. it never gets old, it's always new, even though it never changes - just like Him.

this verse is on my mind because it hit me this weekend: God has plans for me. He is in control. it's really hard being away from lance and wondering when we will be able to get married. it's easy to feel like the military is in control, but as i read that verse i felt God reminding me that He is always in control. He has good plans for lance and i and He cares about us, He hasn't forgotten about us and He isn't oblivious to anything. He has really really good plans for us.

one of my dear friends from YWAM blessed me so much with a card she sent last week. i got chills after i read it and stood there praying for awhile. it was such a powerful word of encouragement she had gotten while she was praying for lance and me. it made me so excited for our marriage and all that God is going to do in us and through us.

dr. tim keller's book "the meaning of marriage" is also pumping me up for married life. he is an amazing teacher and co-authored the book with his wife, kathy. lance finished it already and we've had some great conversations about it. the book is teaching me a lot about the depth of marriage and the power and authority God sets into motion through marriages that are centered in Him. as i read, it seems impossible not to look at the way God designed marriage and be reminded of how holy God is.

i will probably write more about it when i'm finished reading it, but if you need a good summer read i recommend it for everyone. if you're opposed to marriage and view it as outdated and unnecessary, it will challenge your view in an intelligent and coherent way. i'm fairly certain everyone can learn something from his book whether you are single or have been married for a short or long time.

he is an impressive author, referencing c.s. lewis and soren kierkegaard and focusing on scripture but still telling personal stories and keeping it practical and applicable. and apparently he should be paying me to market his book because i just blabbed about it for entirely too long. off to read some more - you can always count on me to keep things dorky. ;-)

encouragement from Graham Cooke

"The enemy is miserable and wants to make you the same. Criticism, cynicism, sarcasm, complaining and moaning are all the worship language of Hell."

"When you move in a negative, you empower the enemy against yourself. One of the things that we’re doing in our relationship with God is we are banishing anger and resentment and bitterness and arrogance and unbelief and fear and impatience and worry and anxiety and being judgmental and being wounded and being a victim. We are banishing those things from our life because they have no place. They have no inheritance with you. It is your relationship with Jesus that brings you in to your inheritance."

"If you’re made in the image of God, you’re going to be pretty brilliant. If one of His names is "wonderful" and He’s in you, what does that make you? You can’t avoid being brilliant. You can’t avoid being wonderful. You can’t avoid being amazing and you’re not going to avoid being astonishing to someone. It’s in your DNA now."

fresh meat

did you ever go to young adult bible studies? or something of the sort? last night i went to yet another young adult church thing. i feel like i've hit up nearly every one that is offered in the greater lancaster area. okay, maybe a slight exaggeration, but i have been to a lot.

however, this was the first time i'd been to a new one in awhile, and the first time i'd gone to one since i got engaged. and not like being engaged brings a rush of wisdom or perspective, but i was taken aback by feeling like a piece of fresh meat when i walked in.

i immediately wished that i was carrying a sign that said "i'm engaged," but i settled for strategically scratching my head with that sparkling diamond ring until someone actually said to me, "can i help you find someone?"

the amount of eyes checking you out at those things is more intense than at a bar. as lance pointed out when i was recounting my night to him, that's because most of the people are single and want to meet someone. true. so does that make these things the christian equivalent of a bar? who knows. but once it got started i was pretty delighted. here are some notes for those of you who did not have the privilege of being an awkward piece of fresh christian meat last night ...

       where am i at with my life: is it worship to You? 

idolatry constantly competes to be the GOD of your life. 

anything you worship over God in your life is idolatry.

God + something else does not equal a blessed life. 

(or did he say blissed? can't tell with his aussie accent.)

        don't you want to be at a place 

where you have been in the Word so much all week 

that you cannot wait to share what is on your heart? 

so when people engage with you 

they get to engage with the God who lives inside of you

 instead of some false front you put up?

      when you are in the Word the Holy Spirit pinpoints things in your life

 and then you make changes and make it to a new step - no striving necessary. 

there is triumph over the things that suck the life out of you, 

the things that you hate about yourself. 

when you repent you just need to stay the course and know you are set free. 

it might take awhile until you stop falling into it, but you are free.

i might as well let you read my diary

one of my most favorite things in life is listening to someone telling me about an answer to prayer. i don't care if it's something small or huge, i get totally pumped up hearing about it. today i was at lance's parents house and his mom was telling me about an amazing answer to prayer that made my heart happy, and that's what got me thinking of this.

this week i listened to a bill johnson podcast that rocked my perspective on prayer. i have to say, he is a very gifted speaker. when i think about the course of his message, he totally sets you up for what you need to hear because he starts out with majorly encouraging stuff and then gets to the gut wrenching conviction.

what was encouraging about it? Jesus never taught us what to do about unanswered prayers because He didn't intend for there to be any. hey-o!

the part that really got me? most of our prayers are simply an expression of unbelief. we spend our time crying out for things that God has already promised us. yikes!

the thing that came to my mind there was healing. i pray for it over and over in various situations and i'm not always convinced it's going to happen. while i know that it is always God's plan to heal, and it was never His intent for there to be sickness and that sickness is never His will for anyone, it is still hard for me to believe that He will act and heal.

it scares me to write that, because i hate to speak something out that is so ... faithless. but i ache for that to change. i want to know and BELIEVE truth, without hesitation.

there is a family i interviewed for work whose four-year-old son was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. they have been on my mind ever since i heard about it, and i had tears in my eyes interviewing them. i cried in the car afterward, and again when i got an email from a reader saying she'd like to offer their beach house to the family for a free week of vacation.

i continue to pray for 100% healing for ryan. i have prayed for healing for a lot of things, but in the back of my mind - or maybe it's the front - is that gnawing feeling of "what if" and "why?" what about all of the people who get a ton of prayer and aren't made well? is there any rhyme or reason? how can i declare God wants to heal when so often it seems like ... ?

whenever i have those thoughts, i think 'well imagine if you were them ...' wouldn't you want people to believe for your healing and go after it, 100%? and the answer is yes! i would want people to go for it! even if it didn't happen (why does my mind always go to it not happening? ugh!) i would still want to be surrounded by people who were willing to look foolish, who were willing to scream and shout and let loose and do whatever it was they felt the Spirit of God saying to them! i would want to be surrounded by people who kept going no matter what, who persevered in prayer in everything.

one thing i know is that i need to stop being afraid of what people think, and i need to just go for it. because whatever judgment others pass, it doesn't matter. if i'm making mistakes, it's better to make them serving the Lord and trying to obey Him, rather than err on the side of preserving my reputation or succombing to living like those around me.

it's hard for me to believe it's really okay to make mistakes, but obviously a quick read of any story in the Bible reveals that truth. i want a heart like David's. maybe part of wanting a heart like his has to do with the comfort i find in all of the mistakes that he made. i have this twisted way of drawing serious encouragement from things like that.

something else bill johnson said is that we need to lay down our right to understand. i have heard that a lot. it's like God really wants me to do that or something? HA.

sometimes the process of praying for something is just as pivotal as when it comes to pass. perhaps we are not ready to withstand the answer to the prayer. persistently crying out for it molds us to be able to steward it whenever it comes to be. praying builds our character.

another part of his message that made my heart soar: God's nature is revealed by you being free enough to want. relax enough to dream. when children aren't rested they're grouchy bums. but when children get to rest, they relax and they put on capes and fly and conquer the world.

so i'm still learning how to pray believing, but it's not like i'll stop praying until i have it "perfect." i am just suddenly conscious of how many of my prayers are signs of my unbelief.

but that's nothing that spending time with God won't change.

here is just a small sampling of some prayers that have  built my faith ...

• i was out swimming with a bunch of people, many of whom were security guards and apparently therefore excellent swimmers, and i was straggling. if you've seen me swim it's obvious that i'm self-taught with a sloppy doggy paddle. we were in this huge beautiful quarry and i was dreading the rest of the day swimming olympic distances with these superhumans as i panted uncontrollably. i prayed with desperation and i have never been so happy to see the police show up! it was totally illegal to swim in that quarry. praise the Lord. 
• my mom visited me in maui and i specifically prayed out loud for us to see famous people and i am pretty sure she laughed. a few nights later we were out to dinner at my favorite restaurant ever (Cafe Des Amis with luscious crepes)  and willie nelson and his family were at the table next to us. glorious.
• as a kid i was terrified of dogs, and one morning before school i was about to head out to the bus stop but there was a rottweiler in our front yard. i was home alone and there was no way i was going to walk out to the bus stop with that dog waiting to murder me. i was equally terrified of being absent from school for one day of essential elementary school education, and probably in tears wondering what to do. the answer to my prayers came in the form of my crazy father, who happened to be driving by right then (my parents were divorced at that point so he wasn't living with us), and pulled into our lane in his truck. he got out a lasso (what in the hell is right) and got rid of that dog. my hero! dad came into the house and got me, and waited with me at the bus stop. and waiting at the bus stop with me is not something my dad had ever done before or ever did after, just to paint you an even clearer picture of how amazing his timing/God's timing was.
• for my friends spouses and the joy of watching them marry incredible men! and praying for one friend in particular's marriage, then watching so much growth, healing, and maturity come out of a really tough situation. 
• a mentor - this one has been answered in the form of several different people! i am deeply blessed by all of them.

i could keep going but this has gotten super long and is probably only interesting to me. i need to write all my answers to prayer in one place so i can reflect on God's faithfulness. He was faithful then and He will be faithful again! let that be an encouragement to whatever you are facing today.

quirky full circles

i used to think being able to see the future would make things better. then i waffled back and forth with whether i'd like that or not, before finally reaching the point where i am today: content with where i am. and laughing at the idea of wanting to see the future, knowing that i probably would not believe it if i saw it.

sometimes life comes full circle for me in the funniest ways. on friday at work i was sent on an errand to buy cigarettes for someone (not even kidding). it was the first time i ever bought any (still not even kidding). i was embarassed to be buying them actually - smoking disgusts me. when i see politicians smoking in front of the capitol, i want to tap them on the shoulder and say, "really? it's 2012 and you're still smoking? you do realize this makes it ten times more difficult to take what you say and do seriously, right?"

i brought the cigs back to the conference room, interrupting a meeting to give jack his fix as he thanked me and the man next to him said, "hey chelsea's going to be a reporter, she'll write stories about you so you'd better be careful around her." (i got a full-time job as a reporter and start next week! woop woop!) then he told me he has a summer home in holtwood, along the susquehanna and wants me to do a story on the waterskiiers.

would i have believed it if someone had told me when i was growing up in holtwood that someday i'd be working with someone who had a summer home there? if someone had told me as a kid writing my pretend newspapers out on lined notebook paper with crayon drawings and who knows what news headlines, that someday i would be a real reporter, what would i have said?

driving into church this morning it struck me again how much my life really does intertwine. the sign at the elementary school where we meet read "good luck to our spelling bee participants!" i squealed and got excited for all the kiddos. that was the same stage i stood on each year for the district spelling bee.

in fourth grade when i took second place and my pal brittney won, i felt like i had eclipsed the sun. life wasn't about the hokey pokey - this was what it was all about, and i had made it. second place in the district spelling bee, and another year had passed where i wasn't one of the kids who put the whole thing on hold by puking on stage, and i couldn't ask for more.

a moment where it sure seems like a glimpse of the future could have offered some beneficial clarity is at my seventh grade spelling bee. i evidently had a very stupid idea that being smart was not cool. i was one of the top two finalists, but i panicked about how dorky i'd look for winning the spelling bee and i spelled abdomen wrong on purpose. ugh.

i like to think that seeing my 24-year-old self would have been encouragement to embrace being smart. maybe then i would not have worried about what my fellow middle-schoolers were thinking - which probably wasn't much of anything since they were most likely in the same boat of self-consciousness as me.

i read about a lot of people in their thirties and beyond who say they love their age and being out of their twenties, because your twenties are rough. i love my twenties, but when i consider the clarity and growth that has come in the past ten years of my life, and continues to come, i can certainly get excited about what lies ahead.

i can laugh at the quirky moments life feels like it's come full circle. i can smile at how much i've grown and how much has happened. if someone had told me that i would not only get to go to hawaii, but live there for one and a half blissful years, i wonder what i would have said? it makes me want to dream about the next ten, twenty, fifty years.

i like making predictions when i go to a party, like - "well i guarantee if so and so is here, he will not remember meeting me and will ask for the twentieth time if i know the bosley twins and i will groan and tell him again that yes i do." (repeat conversations are the worst!) maybe i'm cynically writing people off as predictable, but predictability can be completely endearing and i love it when it's not repeat conversations.

as much as i love goofy predictions, i am not going to make predictions of my future. but i am going to dream and wonder what will happen that will be absolutely amazing and make me want to squeeze God and everyone around me for how blessed i am!

what dreams are lying dormant inside of me, waiting for the time to be released? what will happen this week and this year, that will make me go - wow God, you really did hear my prayer! You really did see my heart and you gave me the thing i was hesitant to even ask for! maybe God is smiling at me, and the angels are cheering for me, knowing that i will become such a famous actress that i will have to hide out at my summer home in holtwood ...

you can do anything

i love when men say that they "married up." i feel like that is one of the top ten compliments a husband can give his wife. who wouldn't want to hear that? what better way to honor your wife than with a heartfelt compliment like that?

an older italian gentleman who has succeeded at many different career paths (he taught high school and started nine prospering naturalizer shoe stores, plus he was a state legislator!) before ending up as one of the top dogs at the lobbying firm where i am an intern, said that when he first told me about his wife. he also tells me every friday night about how much he is looking forward to "date night" with his wife. he recommends amazing restaurants that make me drool, but are completely out of intern budget. i have them tucked away in my memory for later when i have a triple digit salary like him.

of all the perks and benefits of this internship, watching my confidence grow might be the best one. i had no political background or experience, and was shocked to be offered the position. i had applied thinking it would be a long shot. when they said they wanted me i almost did not take it. at the time i'm sure i had a list of reasons why i shouldn't, but looking back now i'm sure it was nothing but fear hiding under a pile of excuses.

right before i was going to email them to decline, i did not feel peace about saying no. i tend to be a mess (a.k.a. freak out) when it comes to making major life decisions. that "tend to" is added in the spirit of optimism and believing this will change, and i will become confident to the point of making decisions without fear.

as i prayed and started going through my journal, suddenly something i had taken notes on about confidence popped out. when you assume that someone else is better than you, you automatically limit yourself. but when you explore areas of your life where you have said you're not good at something, you will learn to walk in confidence and understand that the Lord really trusts in YOU. the Lord has more confidence in you than you have in yourself - that alone should free us up to try new things.

oh boy. i decided to take the internship. and you know what? i have loved it. it was overwhelming and took time and stress to catch on, but i realized i could do it. succeeding at something i was scared of makes me feel like i can do anything. but no matter what the success, or even whatever the failure is, that realization that 'i can do anything' is true for all of us. you and i can do anything.

one of my favorite parts of andy byrd's message at church this morning (the whole thing was amazingly-spectacular-phenomenol-too good to put into words) was when andy had us all dreaming with him about a culture where cynicism, criticism, gossip and negativity are wiped out and replaced with positivity and life. imagine the freedom we'd step into if all we could speak was life?

let your mind run wild with dreams of a culture where truth is agreed upon and sin is acknowledged as the opposite of what is true and good. yet instead of shame and condemnation for that sin, there is a freedom to fail along with an appropriate response of joy-filled repentance. joy-filled repentance. how did i never think of that before? isn't it a joy to be able to walk away from a sin and start fresh? to align our ways with the Word of God? when did repentance become a nuisance instead of a delight?

what i really wanted to reiterate from andy's message goes along with the fact that nothing is impossible. not only are the things that the Lord wants to do POSSIBLE, they are INEVITABLE. is it possible that we could have the same embarassment over abortion that we do over slavery? (watch the movie "the help" if you haven't seen it yet, i bawled my eyes out and got ten times more excited to be a journalist!)

is it possible that human trafficking and abortion could end in our generation, in this country, in this world? YES. it is possible, and if it's not then the gospel must not be true. big gulp. might wanna read that again, because it's a major reality check on whether what you say you believe is really what you believe. i can't help but get completely pumped up for living life when i listen to andy byrd speak! (you can go here to listen to it) he truly brings the Word of God to life.

fear doesn't have to hold you back. negativity from the world around you does not have to hold you back. your circumstances are not forever and they do not have to limit you. you have everything you need to accomplish whatever the Lord has called you to do - in life and on this day.