You'll Find Your Way



I love this song. It put tears in my eyes the first time I heard it, and this morning I played it for Lance only to realize yet again that we do NOT have the same taste in music. "I'm not gonna lie, it sounds exactly like the other songs you were just listening to." Which is funny because that's what I often think when he plays a song he likes for me - they all sound the same and do nothing for me.

This song makes me think of going for drives with my dad. Of all the back roads in Lancaster County, but especially in Holtwood. I love those roads. And somehow that got me thinking about the things we take for granted. How I used to get bored going to Pappy and Grandma's on Sunday afternoons with my dad and brother. Probably because it was routine.

And now I think, 'what I wouldn't give to have more of those ordinary Sundays ...' to get to be around Pappy Shank again and talk to him. I have so much left to ask him. So many stories I wish I could hear from him. To go back to Grandma Shank in a right frame of mind, bustling around the kitchen and making good food, singing and laughing.

To the phone ringing and Bruce loudly speaking what always sounded like jibberish to me, and Grandma responding in a yell-voice to get through to him, listening for a bit then yelling for Benny. And Pappy sitting on that stool cradling the phone, watching TV from the kitchen until finally we'd be sitting down to eat and Pappy would speak his only other words to Bruce (besides hello) - "Bruce! We're eating dinner!" And hang up.

Life is full of ordinary days. Sometimes we grumble or wish them away, but in retrospect they usually end up being the best days. Routine and the little things make life good, but the people around us are what makes life really good.

Sometimes if I'm frustrated or in a chaotic situation I think, "What is wrong with people!" or "I hate people!" But if I'm not completely distressed, I will counter that awful thought by thinking about how much I also LOVE people.

For as terrible as people can be, it is people who can also be almost unbelievably amazing. Through kindness, making you laugh and being there for you. Through completing the ordinary, everyday tasks that the world needs to keep moving. Through accomplishing amazing feats and overcoming unimaginably painful circumstances. People make life worth living. They are the best part of life. Ordinary days and ordinary people, they get inside of you before you even realize it and fill you up.

This song reminds me to take nothing for granted. Whatever kind of day you're having, someday you will probably look back on it as one in a series of ordinary days that you will miss. So don't take the people around you for granted.

What will I remember about these first weeks of marriage? What will I look back on someday as an ordinary that I miss? Well, I actually love when it feels ordinary. I love how natural it feels to live together, and I love when it feels like we have some routines established. It can be frustrating adapting to the Army life, which has no consistency, right down to the hours Lance works.

I am learning to keep my mouth shut when I'm in the passenger seat and Lance is driving - I fail miserably, but I promise I really am trying to pipe down. I am learning about myself and Lance and marriage.

[slightly creepy pictures of us, but we LOVE the mugs you made for us, Heather!]



What ordinary things might I lovingly look back on? Hmm, probably the newness of marriage. Our apartment and how we just have what we need. The basics. No clutter. I hope we always stay like that and don't accumulate excess.

Maybe all of the ridiculous ringtones and alarms Lance has on his new phone. One morning I faintly heard ducks, and since there are ducks that wander around our apartment complex from the lake to the pool and so forth, I didn't think much of it. But the ducks kept getting louder and louder until finally I said, "Lance do you hear those ducks?" Which apparently woke him up enough to realize his alarm was going off - the one he set to the tone of ducks quacking. So glad I knew that. ;-)

I love when Lance kisses me goodbye in the morning when he goes to work. Date nights. How we both get so excited for good food, and making big breakfasts on the weekends. Making fun of Georgia together. Adventures with our GPS. Watching Lance learn new things (like teaching him how to iron and how to make grilled cheese) and find his way around the kitchen when he helps me clean up. I love that it's just us down here, establishing our life together.

"Normal day,
 let me be aware of the treasure you are."

[Mary Jean Irion]

Simple Devotion - I Trust You (Justin Frederick)

lovely weekend, lovely mom

i had a lovely weekend. my mother's day gift to my mom was our shopping trip for wedding dresses. just kidding that wasn't my gift to her, accompanying me was more like her gift to me. it was a lot of fun trying on designer gowns and being in a room full of women (random strangers and employees) telling you that you're beautiful and have a great body.

my salesgirl seemed a bit perplexed by my vigorous head shaking and "no thanks" at her offer to get me a pair of heels to try on with all of the dresses. i quickly referred her to this blog entry. (jokes, i didn't. i rarely share my blog with anyone, which i know totally defeats the purpose.)

the first few i tried on i was really disappointed with. i thought i looked butch. don't ask me how that's possible in a wedding dress. i began to understood why women go on diets before their wedding. but don't worry, i ate a bunch of pasta before i went (while i was scarfing it down i said, "what a bride, huh mom?" ... she knows i need my energy to shop.) and we got chipotle burritos afterward. so when i say i understand why, that simply means that now i sort of vaguely understand - not that i have any intentions of changing my eating habits. or even full comprehension of girls and diets. or of brides and feeding tubes, which is disturbing and pathetic.

once i got into some really good dresses i started enjoying myself even more. there are so many beautiful gowns, i wish i had more occasions to dress up! i found "the one" and ordered it ... so now i really just want to get married already.

i'm so glad my mom and i got to shop for the dress together, and i'm so glad for my mom in general. there is no one i would rather take wedding dress shopping, or any kind of shopping. mother's day is a great reminder to thank her for everything. she is an easy person to thank because she does so very much for me and for everyone in her life. she is an extraordinary mother and woman.

i want to play this song at my wedding. carrie underwood wrote it for her mom at her own wedding. i love the part about finding the answer to her mom's prayers, because i have felt my mom's prayers my whole life and they mean the world to me. and God certainly answered whatever she prayed for my future husband, because lance is more than i ever dreamed of. thank you for everything mom - i love you!

"Mama, you taught me to do the right things.

So, now you have to let your baby fly.

You've given me everything that I will need.

To make it through this crazy thing called life.

And I know you watched me grow up,

and only want what's best for me.

And I think I found the answer to your prayers.

And he is good, so good.

He treats your little girl, like a real man should ..."

[carrie underwood]

what i'd say

"Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough."

long distance isn't easy. i am independent, adventurous, love my alone time, and have a full life with things i look forward to each and every day - but being in a long distance relationship is still not easy. maybe this is a "duh" statement, but aren't there a lot of those in life?

when someone asks, "how's lance?" it makes my day. just hearing that someone else remembers that my boyfriend is deployed and cares enough to ask me about it makes me feel loved. for that quick conversation i feel less alone.

i am so impressed by all of the people who live with deployments for a lifetime - the soldiers who serve them, and their spouses, parents, and children. what a community. and so full of stories to be told. i am all about stories - another "duh" statement, huh?

if i could tell them all something ... i'd tell them they're not alone. that we've got their back. i'd remind them of the community of people around them and the country around all of that.

i'd especially remind the soldiers of that, and i pray that the voice of love and support from our nation would drown out anything else. but that is my prayer for all people - that you would know you are loved for who you are, and you belong.

i'd say that this country is still worth fighting for, even when it seems like the people on TV and all around don't seem to think so. i'd remind them that the united states of america is still the best country in the world to live in (in my opinion) and that i'm so thankful they/their family member thinks so too.

i am thankful that my studly boyfriend thinks so too. i'm proud of him.

this is a sweet song - i like to pretend he's singing it to me. don't act like you don't do that with your favorite songs too. ;-)