dreams, keys and adulthood

after telling lance about some weird dreams i had the other day, he said that he never remembers his dreams. a few days later he said excitedly, "hey! i had a dream the other night that i actually remembered!"

me: "oooh what was it?"
him: "well, we were trying to get in the apartment and i started freaking out because i looked down at my keys and realized i hadn't turned in my barracks key, even though i thought i had-"
me: "THAT WASN'T A DREAM! THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND I WAS STANDING RIGHT BESIDE YOU!"
him: "what? no. are you sure? then how come that key isn't on my keychain now?"
me: "probably because the other night you were holding MY keys and i have more keys than you do! but i didn't think about that then."

we started laughing hysterically.

and i remembered the time i was out with my dad somewhere and he could not get his truck to start. he just kept turning the key and nada. after much frustration and not knowing what was wrong with his truck, he called pappy shank to pick us up. almost immediately after placing that call, he realized the problem was that he was using the wrong set of keys for the truck.

since it was before the days of cell phones, we had to wait for pappy to get there and tell him. which was apparently agonizing for my dad who swore and worried about what pappy would say. i think i started laughing then and my dad did too, and he said something about needing colby with us to keep us in line. i forget what pappy said when he showed up, but i am fairly certain my dad just pretended he figured out the problem and got it to start. ha.

have you ever mixed up keys and created a situation like this? or had someone tell you what they thought was a dream but you are listening to them thinking, what the what, THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!

one of my weird dreams last week was about grocery shopping. even weirder was that i was actually excited to go grocery shopping yesterday. i told lance about this, and how i was excited to plan meals for the week and to invite people over for brunch. never thought i would look forward to stuff like that.

he knew exactly what i meant, and said that he was actually having fun changing the oil and putting air in the tires of our cars.

apparently we are growing up and liking it. go figure.

thoughts on a thursday

--- wedding plans are in full swing. i hit my stressful peak last week and i am now back to being excited, well, actually even more excited because the day is getting closer and closer! at our food tasting last week (YUM), our wedding coordinator said: "you're easy! are you always this easy?" i said, "i try to be" and i also tried to bore my eyes into my mother's soul to make sure she would both hear and remember this proclamation. to make it even better, the coordinator continued and said i should give lessons to all of her other brides so they could be more like me. um, i'd love to!

--- i am going to miss the baristas at the coffee shop i became a regular at in york when i move. i love talking to them and they make the best chai. plus i already fulfilled one of my lifelong dreams of becoming a regular somewhere. so much so that they stopped saying "the usual?" after awhile, ahh bliss. it is good to be known. and the little things are always good. i've also really come to love york city, in spite of myself. it is a great city, especially for an aspiring young professional.

--- it turns out i like "crafting" more than i thought. i've been making random things for the wedding and i have had a lot of fun doing it.

--- the best part of winter is my lands end parka. it is one of the best things i've ever bought. you can't even feel the cold when you wear it zipped up to the neck with the fur-lined hood up. only problem is you then lose all peripheral vision. i almost got hit by a car trying to cross the street the other day. it was really close. i had the walk sign and looked before i stepped out, but nonetheless the speeding car almost hit me and i didn't even see it coming because of my hood. but the statue of liberty graciously started yelling at the car for me. there are people dressed up like the statue of liberty singing and dancing all over the city, and i still have no idea what they're advertising for so that tells you how effective that campaign is. or maybe how clueless i am. i think it has something to do with taxes or loans? maybe?

--- suit shopping with my dad = success! i was dreading it, but it went really well and the third one he tried on worked great. which was good because i think we had both already hit our limit at that point, ha. after lunch he ordered cheesecake and when he was halfway through the enormous slice that probably could have served a table of four he said, "is this a concentrated sweet?" "what? yes, of course it is! dad! i forgot you're not supposed to have that, now i'm going to get in trouble, great. that is literally about as concentrated of a sweet as you could have ordered!" he's on a diabetic diet and i'm obviously a great caretaker.

future me

i highly recommend using futureme.org to write yourself an email for the future. i just got one i wrote five years ago and it cracked me up. i decided that i like the way i used to write better than the way i write now. education, schmeducation. five years ago i had a wee bit of college and zero "expertise" from editors and guess what? i think i sounded fine.

here is an excerpt. because the whole thing would be embarrassing. (but not as embarrassing as the years of journals in my closet that i said i was going to throw out but lance insisted i should keep.) i love this part ...

i hope that you have traveled. i hope that you have visited alaska and the west coast. i hope that you have gone to mozambique, and if you haven't ... go now! screw the job. screw the american dream ... or it will screw you. am i not right??

aunt karen wrote that she hopes you continue to become more and more like the image of christ this year. did you? are you? are you studying the word of God (who must be in love with you) and soaking it up and being a walking joy? a breath of life to those around you? be an encourager. be a mystic. be all that you can be, be prophetic and bold and boldly prophetic. heal someone on the sidewalk if you feel that's what God is saying. live. go. dream. love yourself, cause you're beautiful.

letters, smoking, politics

dear chelsea,
... please pray for me, i am afraid i might beat the shit out of someone ...
love, dad

that, my friends, was the best part of the letter i got from my dad the other week. he was concerned about having a nicotine fit if his smoking breaks continue to be limited. i decided now is probably not a good time for me to approach him with the idea i had of asking him to donate to my wedding the amount of money he has spent on cigarettes in his lifetime. or even just this year - which i'd estimate to be $1300 if cigs are $50/carton and he smokes a carton in two weeks.

my "logic"  (keep in mind that logic of people planning a wedding often goes out the window, i don't know what it is but these celebrations make people craaazy) here is that i have been a lifelong advocate of him quitting, and i bet that's a job people get paid for somewhere. and i doubt those people are as awesome as me. the fact that he still hasn't quit smoking might indicate to some people that i have failed at my job as "smoking cessation advocate," but i have been as persistent and annoying about it as a piece of corn on the cob stuck between your teeth and that's what counts.

he will undoubtedly laugh and ask me why i'm so greedy, and i will say well dad, i don't think it's greedy if you don't give me any money. read the parable of the persistent widow. just kidding, don't. or at least don't read it thinking it applies at all to this situation because that really has nothing to do with this. she was persisting for justice and i really am being greedy. son of a!

oh well, it is still worth a shot. (there's the wedding crazy in me talking again!)

his letter was also quite timely because on the day i read it i shared his exact sentiments about wanting to beat the ---- out of someone. it's stupid, but i had almost hit my boiling point with people and their political rants and stereotypes and judgments. just stop it. stop being ignorant. do not act like you are taking any kind of high road when you are being completely intolerant and disrespectful of those with different beliefs. we're allowed to be different. it's actually really good to be different and i'm pretty sure that at some point it was what made america so great. please stop assuming things about people based on their political beliefs and at the very least be respectful of everyone. i sound like i'm writing to a bunch of wily five-year-olds, but in my opinion political differences can make people act worse than kids jacked up on sugar.

i don't speak up in those ... conversations ... and maybe my silence IS what makes my blood boil like that, (because God knows i had plenty of aggression to let out at the gym that night) but i have trouble imagining that words make any difference in those moments, when people already have their minds made up. maybe they could, but i know for sure that actions do make a difference. actually helping people and choosing to love and care about them.

and i also know i have a looong way to go with that too, because even though i try really hard there are still days when the best i do is exercising enough self-control to not beat the ---- out of someone. maybe that's why i'm a little cautious to speak up when it comes to bold conversations about how a country should be run.

it's sad that those important conversations too often turn into cat fights and bullying. i think we'd all be a lot better off just asking how we can help the people right in front of us. i'm challenging myself to do that. first step: don't punch people in the face. (fyi i have never actually done that, but the temptation lurks.) second step: take a deep breath and do something to help someone.

going to the beach with your fiancé's family - without your fiancé

one of my latest adventures was going to the beach with lance's entire extended family - without lance. at the end of that week i realized i have officially spent more time with his family in the last year than he has. our lives are weird.

i could say 'this is what happens when your fiance is in the military, you do weird things' but that would not be true. well partially true, but it is not entirely to blame because i have always done weird things and probably always will.

and i love the beach, so why not? plus lance's family is really great. and hilarious. especially his grandpa. who won my heart even more by agreeing with lance's aunt when she told me i look like prince william's wife, kate middleton. (um best compliment ever?! even if it was probably only because of my giant blue hat.) and pop said, "yeah, lance sure knew what he was doing." love it.

the phrase you will hear someone say to pop every time you hang out with their family is, "tell us how you really feel pop." he says whatever he wants and it's pretty much the best thing ever. his commentary while watching the olympics was priceless and i should have been recording it for lance.

they've been going to the beach as an extended family every summer since lance was born. he's the baby cousin, but of course now there are lots of cute little great-grandkids running around. case in point:

the best part of the week was that lance called on friday to tell me that he passed the darby phase of ranger school! YAY! ranger school begins with "RAP" week and is followed by the darby, mountains and florida phases. each phase is roughly three weeks and if you get recycled you must redo the entire three weeks until you pass. at the end of each phase they get a little break when they can make phone calls.

confused yet? yeah. the question lance's cousin asked: so what does this mean for your wedding plans? answer:  it doesn't actually make anything clearer, because we still don't know when ranger school will end. BUT it is GREAT news because it means he is moving quickly through school. he is amazing.

it was so so good to hear his voice and i was definitely floating for the next few days! right now he is in the mountains phase and i am counting down about two weeks until our next phone call.

this picture is from memorial day in atlanta, when we were last together. i got my face painted at the renaissance faire and kept it on all night. a perfect example of the weird things i was just telling you about. ;-)

 "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
[Psalm 27:13-14]

did you know elvis was in the army?

phone calls with my dad now begin with: "chelsea! did you get married yet?!" "dad! no!" followed by some variation of me reminding him that he has to walk me down the aisle and also asking him for the umpteenth time if he's sure he will dance with me and him saying he will.

my favorite of his responses to that was, "oh yeah! we used to do all kinds of dancing when i was your age. fast dancing, slow dancing, pretty much any kind of dancing you can think of ..." good stuff dad, two speeds of dancing and i already have countless images of what that must have looked like flashing through my mind. laughing? who me? nooo i'm not laughing, must be phone static ...

"yeah we'd go out to bars and clubs with rock music and bands. we called it "clubbing" chelsea." no kidding dad? i haven't even heard of this phenomenon you and your buddies so cleverly referred to as "clubbing," unlike anyone else before or after you. ohhhh my dad.

if i could travel through time, i would want to hop around through my parents lives. maybe that's a boring wish considering all the options, but i would especially love to observe my parents when they were my age. would we have been friends? we are now, but i don't think we would have been when they were young.

a silly concept, but one i apparently love because i also raised the question of whether lance and i would have been friends in high school if we had known each other then. as a (formerly) very nerdy wallflower i say no, but he, the (still) popular athlete, insists we would have been friends. which i don't believe but it still makes me happy to hear so i think he's figured me out. ;-)

my dad loves lance's name. so far he doesn't remember his last name (and checks what it is every time he calls) but he always comments on what a good first name he has. this is huge progress from just calling him "that army guy" and shuddering before another, "do you know what they teach those guys in the army chelsea?" "what dad." "ohhh, drinking and smoking and playing cards and gambling and women, well ... you know what i mean." "dad you learned all of that stuff without the army." "now chelsea, i never got into gambling."

it's like who is trying to get who more riled up here, and who is more annoying? the answer to this question knows no limit because we are both pretty tricky. then he talks about how he would not have made it in the army, and asks me (again) if i knew that elvis was in the army.

because my dad loves celebrities and frankly so do i. it is what it is. soon after whitney houston died, i was standing in a checkout line with my dad and saw a magazine with her picture that reminded me to mention it. "dad did you hear about whitney houston?" "yeah, she died?" "yeah but did you hear how it happened? she overdosed on drugs and drowned in a hotel bathtub."

and this is the part that i wish i had on camera, because i can't describe the look on his face, more than you would have thought i was talking about his dearest family member as he started shaking his head and looked me in the eye and said, "oh my God." it should be noted that in earlier conversation about something he (in my opinion) should have had that kind of reaction to, he was un-phased. but the thought of whitney houston, a complete stranger, dying that way was just more than he could handle. i was crying from laughing at his dramatic reaction. which is equally weird and further proves i am his daughter - yikes.

lovely weekend, lovely mom

i had a lovely weekend. my mother's day gift to my mom was our shopping trip for wedding dresses. just kidding that wasn't my gift to her, accompanying me was more like her gift to me. it was a lot of fun trying on designer gowns and being in a room full of women (random strangers and employees) telling you that you're beautiful and have a great body.

my salesgirl seemed a bit perplexed by my vigorous head shaking and "no thanks" at her offer to get me a pair of heels to try on with all of the dresses. i quickly referred her to this blog entry. (jokes, i didn't. i rarely share my blog with anyone, which i know totally defeats the purpose.)

the first few i tried on i was really disappointed with. i thought i looked butch. don't ask me how that's possible in a wedding dress. i began to understood why women go on diets before their wedding. but don't worry, i ate a bunch of pasta before i went (while i was scarfing it down i said, "what a bride, huh mom?" ... she knows i need my energy to shop.) and we got chipotle burritos afterward. so when i say i understand why, that simply means that now i sort of vaguely understand - not that i have any intentions of changing my eating habits. or even full comprehension of girls and diets. or of brides and feeding tubes, which is disturbing and pathetic.

once i got into some really good dresses i started enjoying myself even more. there are so many beautiful gowns, i wish i had more occasions to dress up! i found "the one" and ordered it ... so now i really just want to get married already.

i'm so glad my mom and i got to shop for the dress together, and i'm so glad for my mom in general. there is no one i would rather take wedding dress shopping, or any kind of shopping. mother's day is a great reminder to thank her for everything. she is an easy person to thank because she does so very much for me and for everyone in her life. she is an extraordinary mother and woman.

i want to play this song at my wedding. carrie underwood wrote it for her mom at her own wedding. i love the part about finding the answer to her mom's prayers, because i have felt my mom's prayers my whole life and they mean the world to me. and God certainly answered whatever she prayed for my future husband, because lance is more than i ever dreamed of. thank you for everything mom - i love you!

"Mama, you taught me to do the right things.

So, now you have to let your baby fly.

You've given me everything that I will need.

To make it through this crazy thing called life.

And I know you watched me grow up,

and only want what's best for me.

And I think I found the answer to your prayers.

And he is good, so good.

He treats your little girl, like a real man should ..."

[carrie underwood]

Shanks in DC

harry potter and workouts

"i'm in a book club." [my dad]

"what? really? what are you reading?" [me]

"oh i forget what it's called, but it's about some boy ... who's a wizard ... and it's got all kinds of wizards and witches and dumb made-up stuff like that. i hate it."

"YOU'RE READING HARRY POTTER??"

"yeah, that's what it is. have you read it?"

no dad, not even i have read harry potter. and i have not read twilight either, but if they start that next at your book club i don't know what i'm going to do. i thought it was funny to hear about my mennonite-raised father going to catholic mass, but picturing him at a harry potter book club takes the cake.

*****

this is from an email from lance that cracked me up. to preface this, you should know that lance is a certified personal trainer. and when i talk about working out i do not know the names of exercises or explain my workouts ... succinctly. but then i think it's safe to say i don't explain anything succinctly. ;-)

"... maybe someday we'll have a gym and you'll be able to cater to the women who need obscure exercise explanations.
me - "up for today we have 5x5 bent over rows."
you explaining to all the women in the class - "hold the bar thingy and put the circles on the ends then push your butt out and pull towards your chest."