one night in the van (we travel everywhere in 15 passenger vans that are only still running by the grace of God, but that's another story ... or set of stories.) someone was talking about how they're worried about doing what they were sure God called them to do because they didn't have money for it. i am not very trusting in this area either, but the way this guy was going on and on i felt like i had that faith to move mountains compared to his griping. clearly this happens to be a guy that i (let's be frank, because i usually am) can't really stand.
i can see where he's coming from. i think that nearly everyone struggles in the area of money. clearly it's the god of choice for the majority of the west and it controls the majority of our decisions, if not the course of our lives. i'm as guilty as the next guy. i want to be in control and it scares me to let God have total control. (which is weird because if He's in control and something goes wrong, it's not my fault ... and nothing will go wrong if He's in control, so why worry in the first place?)
all of that aside, i still firmly believe that if God calls us to do something He will provide more than enough for us. i'm still learning a lot in this area, and it's interesting to hear different believers perspectives on money and provision. i feel convicted to study more of what the Bible says about money, instead of shaping God into my own preferences. i don't want to come to my own conclusions based on my own desires. but from what i've studied of the Bible and seen in the lives of people around me, i can safely say that He will provide! He deserves our trust and nothing less in every area of our lives, even finances.
so when this guy was going on and on about how miserable these next few years are going to be because he doesn't have money, something in my spirit did not settle. i said, "i don't get it. didn't God call you to this? so why wouldn't He provide for you? do you really think that God wants you to be suffering the next few years?" and i tend to cross lines without realizing it, but i kept going and didn't feel dumb until after the conversation was over. i explained to him and the other few people who were there that during my DTS when there were people who didn't have enough money for outreach, we all prayed about it. and then we all gave what we felt God nudging us to, because we're family. and in a family if there's one person "going hungry" while the others are livin it up at the hotel california ... that's a dysfunctional family and the last thing God wants for His body of believers. if someone doesn't even have money to go on outreach and there are tons of other people buying lattes everyday ... is that really what love looks like? everyone in my DTS ended up with enough money to go on outreach. it's not about forcing people to give money, cause that's not right either. it's living under complete surrender to God and asking Him what He wants your money to go toward, and i believe that when we live that way there will be blessings untold for us and for those around us!
the guy was pissed at me for saying it and i felt really dumb. i'm quiet and rarely give unsolicited advice, but i was so upset that he didn't give God the glory that is due to Him. if God is who we say that He is, if He is the omniscient provider ... then i really don't think that guy needs to worry about a miserable next few years following God's call in His life. sigh. even so, i got out of that van wondering why i opened my mouth. why did i even bother saying anything?
fast forward to this morning. announcement time. "i've been thinking about something chelsea said ..." (whaaat?!) she had been in the van that night and (to make a long announcement short) has really been convicted about money and felt like we should collect money for everyone who still needs outreach money.
it's really not a big deal or miracle, but God really encouraged me through it. i hold back so much from speaking things on my heart, probably doubting whether they're from the Lord or not, but i need to stop doing that. i need to start realizing the impact that my words could be having. i need to choose my words carefully because people do listen, whether i feel like it or not. whether i see results or fruit, God is using me. and i needed to be reminded of that, so thank you God.
"Lust for money brings trouble and nothing but trouble."(1Tim 6:10, the Message)
"Don't be obsessed with getting more (money). Be relaxed with what you have. God assured us, 'I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you . . .'" (Heb 13:5, the Message)
sometimes i can figure out how to add captions like a normal person & other times i can't, so who knows. i didn't think i'd keep using this blog after my little YWAM stint, buuut there have been some requests. and if they persist, maybe i will write even more. :) the first windblown pic is me & ash in the back of a jeep some guys rented and took us all over the island for our early birthday celebration, since our birthdays are two days apart. the next two are at our birthday dinner, and the guy with his mouth wide open is actually our really good friend - despite what ashley's face says. (haha i love that pic!) and finally there are two pics of commissioning night. 
