cindy & colby

i took these pictures back in january. i love colby and cindy so much, that kind of love that just fills you up and can't be explained. they're both so successful, grounded, solid and kind - i look up to them a lot. and thank God for their great sense of humor. i'm excited to gain such a classy sister. i've more than loved having colby for my big brother for 22 (and counting!) years of fights, baseball, forts, never getting to watch what i want on TV (thanks for that though, now i don't have that habit), getting toughened up, being protected, adventures (a lot of those), making fun of people, and laughing - mostly at our parents, and me. not so much at colby, mr. cool ... which is why i took the little sister liberty to include a few shots of his hilarious expressions ... i'll let you guess which ones crack me up.

SURPRISE!

"chelsea you're a prayer warrior." "who said that dad?" (i knew he wouldn't have told me that off the cuff - not his lingo at all.) "ohh that's a secret ..." "DAD! WHO?"
and so goes a typical conversation with my dad.
"chelsea i saw your friends today ..." "who?" "ohh just guess ..." "MOM! WHO?"
and so goes a typical conversation with my mom.

my parents are both all about the little secrets and the surprises. and i absolutely LOVE surprises. it's not like they ever threw me a huge surprise party or bought me a legendary surprise gift or anything like that. but they work suspense into the day to day of life in such a way that i think it was inevitable for me to wind up this way. i used to think everyone loved surprises as much as me, but i don't think so anymore.

one time a guy who was in love with my friend told her that he had a surprise for us. (sometimes i get dragged into random events? haha) she couldn't have cared less about him or the surprise. naturally, all day i could only think about the surprise. "chelsea, who freaking cares? it's going to be so lame anyway! who does that? how old does he think we are?! this guy is weird." "maybe. but what do you think it is?! i mean, it could be anything!"

i think the suspense is what makes surprises good, even if the surprise itself isn't that extraordinary. same with life: suspense = fun. why would you want to know everything that's going to happen? it's so much more fun to be surprised. and don't even get me started on surprising others. sometimes i like to do it intentionally but i think i've created a habit of it without realizing it. last week my friends and i were talking about the future and someone said that it would be just like me to not tell anyone that i was pregnant until i started showing. i couldn't stop laughing when she said that, because that idea never occurred to me, but it definitely inspired me. they said they'd be mad, but i'm not sure why? (okay maybe i see why. just a little bit.)

i'm also not sure why everyone wants to live life the same way? let's all force ourselves to go to wedding showers and baby showers, tradition, tradition. and if i'm the only one who hates them, it shouldn't bother anyone that i don't go because they'll be having the time of their life without me. there's got to be an alternative ... pending on money, blasted money ... when i'm engaged maybe i'll have a pre-wedding yacht excursion. tanning, fishing, no group games, floating on the water past sunset with lots of twinkly lights and laughter. or a backyard concert. or a private dolphin show where everyone gets a chance to swim with the dolphins. or be kissed by the sea lions, i've always wanted to do that but so far i've never been chosen from the audience.

and for a baby shower? rent out a spa or something. and i will be the one full of surprises. "oh wow thank you for this diaper genie, instead of a thank you card i got you a diamond necklace. yes, tiffany's. they gave me a discount for buying in such a mass quantity. what's that? you're feeling bad that all you got me was a freaking diaper genie that i don't really know what to do with? sure you can make it up to me by babysitting every friday night for free, absolutely ..." and the food at this shenanigan will be incredible, because by that time i will have invented desserts that are delicious, full of essential vitamins and antioxidants, and produce negative calories. like you chew celery and burn calories, only you will be eating this cheesecake or triple chocolate something but it will make your skin radiant, your hair shine and your muscles defined. (come to think of it, this invention alone will probably provide more than enough funds for ALL of these joyful events ...)

but that's just off the top of my head ... i wouldn't want to have it all figured out now.

catholics

"I think the essence of Catholicism is beautiful. . . . What I would love to see is for Catholicism to survive this, so that true Catholicism can shine." [sinead o'connor]

i found this article about sinead o'connor and her ever evolving relationship with the catholic church to be very interesting ... http://http//www.politicsdaily.com/2010/06/01/sinead-oconnor-pop-star-mom-is-an-unlikely-prophet-for-a-scand/?hpid=artslot&sms_ss=facebook. i don't really listen to sinead now, but i remember taking her CD into elementary school music class because when i was growing up i was always determined to be different in my music taste, cooler than everyone else bringing in their nsync, backstreet boys and britney spears. of course my music teacher loved me for it, so maybe i was just a suckup? even in high school i was weird about making sure i liked "cool" music, but by then it backfired because one of my teachers got into an ongoing music discussion with me that always seemed to be more about hitting on me than it was about music, but who knows ... i'm just thankful i grew out of that phase and listen to whatever i want now.

what i also found interesting ... and was intending to write about before my mind wandered down musical memory lane, oops ... was that after reading the article i naturally ended up working with a bunch of people tonight who "randomly" started talking about growing up catholic. they all hated it and agreed that they were going to hell now. it's in a half joking half serious kind of way, and with a totally different view of hell than me. to them hell is almost a better option, because it allows them to do whatever they want now. plus church is so miserable that they won't be missing anything in hell anyway. to me ... hell is the complete absence of the presence of God. i know God and love His presence. i never want to be someplace that He is not. let alone be trapped there for eternity. such a daunting thought.

my heart is heavy for people who haven't experienced the presence of God, or aren't aware of it ... who don't understand that He is a good God ... who have only experienced religion and equated that with who the Lord is. i'm glad He put this on my heart and i'm encouraged by sinead o'connor's boldness. obviously i'm not catholic or endorsing catholicism, but God is our redeemer and i'm excited to see Him redeem all of His people.

it's always always fine

"it's always always fine" is the best saying of my life. or at least one of the top ten. my friend and i coined it after discussing those times we freak out about stuff, and while in that moment it feels like the whole world is going to end if the stress doesn't kill you first ... it's always always fine.

reminding myself of this simple truth works wonders. the best example of "it's always always fine" and the power of prayer seeing me through happened a few weeks ago. i had a loose plan for the summer. it's not that i'm a big planner, but i hate to be aimless and try to be purposeful. however, a week before my summer class was scheduled to start i got an email saying it was canceled. i was pissed and started brainstorming what summer job i could find this last-minute to go with the evening/weekend hours at my current job. ("maybe i can plant tobacco? i know it's hard, but at least i'll get really tan." and with an attitude like that, God knows i would've been such a shining star in the fields - i'm sure all the guys are out there are thinking about their tan, haha.)

but in the back of my mind there was that still small voice that i freaking ADORE of the Lord telling me that it was all going to work out and i could trust Him. all of the other summer classes were filled up so i got busy emailing professors for permission to be added into their class. then i got really crazy and called all of them to leave desparate voicemails. i got zero responses but i did get an email about an internship that i decided to apply for.

it was the friday before summer classes were starting and i decided to make one more phone call to try to get into the course i needed. i called the english department this time, and someone extra cheery put me on the line with a professor who was less than excited about adding me to his already full class but he agreed. maybe i had saved all of my freaking out for that phone conversation and my desperation was too much for him to turn down. either way, I GOT THE CLASS! (which turned out to be one i needed even more than the one i'd originally planned on taking.) and that same day i found out i had an interview for the internship! and wouldn't you know, this week I STARTED AS THE SUMMER INTERN! could i be any happier? could God be anymore faithful? God never fails. He is always good. He works all things together for good. it's always always fine.

it happened again yesterday, when i was really tired after interning and dreading going into work for the evening. i swung by the gym for a quick in-between-jobs workout, and had two voicemails when i left. the first was an invite to go swimming, my favorite. i pouted because i couldn't go, but the next voicemail was from work ... and they didn't need me to come in that night after all! it went from a dreaded day to a super fun summer night and i can't thank the Lord enough for always looking out for me. God has to get such a kick out of me as i grow in trusting Him. He probably watches me fight the urge to freakout and just laughs to Himself, knowing that He is working it all out in His intricately perfect glory and in a few moments i'll be over-the-top happy. God, help me to hang onto the happy. consume me with joy in all that You are, instead of getting distracted and forgetting to trust you. i trust you because i can - you're awesome! amen and amen.

happy mother's day

when i was little i kept a mental list of everything i wasn't going to do like my mom. (my kids will have chocolate milk for every meal! and i will let them put bumper stickers all over my car & decorate the whole house in multicolored christmas lights!) now i have trouble remembering most of that list as i try to glean as much wisdom as possible from my awesome mom, hero, and bff. i love you forever susan!

snakes

snakes make my toes curl up and i sprint away in complete fear even if someone just tells me a snake might be there. and if i'm out for a run and see a dead one, i run faster because they still give me the creeps. i told myself this would be the summer i'd overcome my fear of snakes, and in saying that i was kind of scared that something bad would happen and i'd really HAVE to face it. (like people telling you if you pray for patience, God will give you plenty of "opportunities.") amidst all the promises for miracles, the things Jesus said about snakes challenge me the most.

"I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." [Luke 10:19]

"And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well." [Matthew 16:17-18]

so the other weekend when my mom told me she saw FOUR snakes outside, what did i do? i did not wash my car that was parked outside ready to be washed. i did however, check it paranoidly when i left for work, because i'd left the windows down and was afraid a snake may have slithered in. (pathetic, i know.) then i was telling God that i really want to marry a man who will
kill snakes for me. (and not make fun of me for being afraid of them.) i wondered how unreasonable this was, considering that i believe fear is sin and we should not succomb to walking in it.

i think i got my "answer" when i started reading "so long insecurity" by beth moore. i love the way she writes. she talked about walking out in her ranch with her ipod blaring, one hand raised up praising God, and a shotgun in the other - because her husband taught her how to shoot rattlesnakes! what a brilliant solution! so i'm curious to see if i end up with a man who is patient enough to teach me how to shoot (that's a LOT of patience & a lot of faith in me, eek!), or one who will just kill every snake in a five mile vicinity. then again maybe we'll live in hawaii where there are no snakes. i love how every option sounds good when i try to see things from the Lord's perspective ...

rebel rebel

completely absorbed in what i was doing at the cafe today, a lady tapped me on the arm and said, "excuse me, i promise i'm not crazy ..." she hesitated, but i laughed and said, "oh i'm not worried, go ahead!" (i love talking to strangers!) so she continued, "well, i just had to come over and say that this is absolutely beautiful. to see a book that is this used and wornout, and for someone your age it's even more amazing. do you mind if i ask what book it is?" i could hardly believe this conversation was happening, it made me that happy, and i smiled and said, "oh it's my bible!" the smile fell off her face and she seemed really taken aback.

the look on her face when she heard "bible" gave me an instant flashback to a mutual friend's 21st birthday party. his dad was talking to my friend and i, asking where we'd been beforehand. as soon as i said, "church" his entire expression changed and it was like i dropped an eff bomb in a room full of kindergarteners because everyone at the table stopped drinking for a minute (that's a long time at these things) out of shock. when he finally regrouped he stammered 'no that's great, i just didn't expect you to say that.' (granted, it was a saturday night, but those who know me well know that i'll go to church anytime at all.) he was so befuddled that he started spilling his half-drunk-dad-guts to some girl he just met - a girl who had been ready to leave the minute she walked in, up until that conversation. (which ended up evolving into which catholic mass he prefers, not me leading the bar in a mass conversion where everyone ended up getting drunk in the Holy Spirit like i was envisioning ... but i'm sure the Lord was still at work somehow, haha.)

should i be sad that a love for the bible elicits such shock? i don't understand the fear it brings out in people. like the way my lit professor clammed up the day we all had to say our favorite work of literature and i said the bible. she acted like i'd committed a major faux pax and quickly moved onto the next person to rave when they said "grapes of wrath." but as much as i didn't like her reaction i wasn't about to give an answer just because i knew she'd like it. i really really like the bible. there is no way any piece of literature could ever outshine the Bible. there is no other book with an author who lives and wants to interact with us as we read it.

flashforward to the cafe again. a few minutes later, a different lady leans over my table and says, "working huh?" "excuse me?" "you're stuffing envelopes - is it for work?" "ohhhh!" i started laughing, "no, i'm just writing to people." "what?! no way! shut up! i didn't think people did that anymore!" more laughing on my end, "i know right? but i do."

i loved both cafe conversations for a lot of reasons, but especially because i love being a rebel. how am i being a rebel by being a dork reading and writing and spending time with God, you ask? i'd never thought of it as rebellion either, till i heard mark driscoll preach it that way. people call the whole sex-drugs-rock&roll scene rebellion, when in reality that's all been done before. sin is old news. the only true rebellion left for us today is to read our Bibles and follow Jesus! for me to get wasted at someone's 21st party wouldn't have been rebellion, and anyone who's taken a stand for Jesus knows it's a lot harder than following the crowd. for me to find joy in reading the Bible - that's gonna cause the kind of stir a rebel should.

and as for writing notes, that really has nothing to do with being rebellious. that's just me being a dork and loving it all the way.