good? best?

i thought i knew this. but it seems to get harder and harder to believe it and to wear my "don't settle for less" bracelet with the authority that i used to. this is what God's been speaking to me about and what i've been tuning out ... sigh.

"Learn to say 'no' to the good so you can say 'yes' to the best." [John C. Maxwell]

consistency ... starts with me

a couple of weeks ago i told someone that "a little consistency within the church could change the world." i still believe this, but as usual my judgmental pointing finger came right back to my own face today.

driving home from work today, i was about to pass a car that was stopped in the street with it's blinkers on, but as i was beside it the driver decided to speed forward and i swerved back into my lane - wish that was the end of this sentence - but of course i started swearing about idiotic drivers. i'm quick to admit that i have road rage, and incidents like this happen nearly everyday. i just don't understand why people drive so slow, because to me it seems like they have nowhere to go. i've got kites to fly and fish to fry. people to see and places to be. however you want to say it, i'm a "time is money" kind of girl. and maybe a lead foot one too.

so this wasn't anything unusual until i was beside this car a few blocks down and around, and the guys inside were trying to get my attention. (and not because they had noticed my irritation, so much as noticed ... me.) in the past i've had a problem with always looking when this happens and my friends tend to lecture me about why i should not do this. (how is it not everyone else's instinct to look when someone whistles?) i compromised and gave a polite smile then went back to fiddling with my radio. they didn't stop and i had to look over and the guy in the back seat looked way familiar. after we said hello i was trying to figure out if i knew him from school or work when he said, "you came to the intervention center didn't you?!" bingo!

i had hung out at the youth intervention center one night this summer and talked to this kid about the Lord. he opened up and we had a solid conversation. fast forward a few months and i'm cussing out his buddy for driving like a douchebag. how's that for consistency?

he happily slapped his buddies on the back saying "see! i told you i knew her!" they stared sheepishly at me and i asked how he was doing and such until cars were honking behind us. (and no, i didn't give those cars any choice words.) we talked a bit more at the next traffic light and neither one of us could stop smiling.

in that moment God reminded me again, as He has been doing of late, that He intricately works everything together for His purposes. there is no such thing as coincidence! there is a reason we run into the people that we do, when we do. there is a reason we dream what we do, hear what we do, experience it all. one of my favorite quotes from Waxer (a legend of a speaker at YWAM maui) is,

"we go through what we go through to help others get through what we've gone through."

so whatever you're dealing with - big or small struggle - know that God is at work in your life! talk it out with Him and hear Him out - He has nothing but wonderful things to say to YOU.

i'm still getting the skinny from God on today's encounter, but the biggest thing i wanted to share was CONSISTENCY. i never stop being a christian, i never stop representing the Lord to those around me. even if i don't want to deal with my road rage, God does. even if there's other stuff i don't want to deal with, God does. and sometimes i have to start from a place of asking God to make me want to WANT to stop/change/etc. He is always faithful to respond to our hungry hearts.

what i want

sometimes i get confused about what i want. isn't it enough to want to be happy? to not care what car i drive or the job i end up having or the school i graduate from? but in the midst of my confusion there is one thing i want more than anything else, and i've got it. a relationship with the Lord. i love God and i want to know Him more and more everyday and i want to know what He thinks about me and what He wants me to do. i want to know what He desires for me and i want to desire that too. i don't want to miss something He is saying to me and i don't want to give up obeying him because i love living this life as a pure adventure with God. i don't say it enough because i'm not sure how to, without sounding totally cheeseball. but what i love about the Lord is that He doesn't care how i say it, because He knows what i'm getting at. He knows my heart and He knows what i mean when i can't express it to anyone else.

i want the world to know Him. i want them to realize there is Someone who will fulfill them beyond their wildest dreams, beyond the ability words have to communicate. my heart literally breaks as i listen to people talk and watch them live so hopelessly, because if they only KNEW how much God loves them ... how differently they could live! how much better life would be.

so often i get exasperated and all i can say is, "i just want to save the world."

you know. JUST. save. the world.
but that's what i want. i want the world to know Jesus.

i'm loving ...

1. my prayer language. and the thought of hearing every different language in heaven. all those tongues being interpreted and giving glory to God.
2. red beet eggs. chai. peanut butter cups. egg sandwiches.
3. wilco. james taylor. "colorblind" by counting crows.
4. summer sunshine.
5. being trained at the gym and feeling like i'm making progress.
6. no fear. it's really all that ever holds us back, and that realization is helping me to grow a lot. if God is for us who can be against us?
7. everything joyce meyer had to say on friday night. and the momentum i gain from being in a packed stadium of believers. it reminds me that america is not too far gone, we're still grounded in the Lord. we just need to raise our voices.
8. googling song lyrics. i never got into poetry, but song lyrics ... they get me.
9. how well my mom knows me.
10. the psalms.
11. tim tebow.
12. that the rumbling in my car is gone.
13. being young and free of responsibilities.

never really lost

whenever we were driving with our dad and it seemed like we were lost we'd start to complain about it and he'd say, "now listen, we're not lost. we're just a little misplaced. we never get lost." and we never really were.

probably as a result of lots of adventuring with my dad, i know my way around the area and find myself in charge of directions a lot. sometimes i let the people i'm riding with get lost on purpose. if i'm having a really good time i take all sorts of back roads because i don't want the night to end. like last night.

blame it on the phone

i just threw my phone on my bed and screamed. not a blood-curdling fear-inhibited scream, but a scream of frustration or dismay or loss for words. a temper tantrum of sorts. it's honestly ridiculous how much power my phone has to make me flip out.

i also love how i blame my phone? nothing like taking out your frustration on an inanimate object you pay money to have when the root is always something bigger. (and usually a mess that i played a large part in getting myself into in the first place.)

i toy around with the idea of getting rid of my cell phone. it's funny how dependent everyone is on their cell phone when five years ago it was not a part of the human body the way that it seems to be nowadays. it's tempting to get rid of it because i suck at communicating. if i didn't have a phone a whole lot of communicating could be avoided. and maybe when i say communicating i mean confrontation ... hmmm. i suck at confrontation. i have a very good "knower" and know what i should do, but executing it does not necessarily pan out efficiently.

i hate what i am writing because i'm doing the thing that everyone does where instead of getting to the point, i'm being elusive and dramatic. example: the person who will blab on about blah blah blah when they could really say "this happened. i'm hurt." instead it turns into an elaborate explanation of who knows what because no one wants to be vulnerable. including me.

so let me come right out and say that the PHONE issues are BOY issues. if it's not a voicemail it's a text and if it's not one boy it's another. and you can only not answer your phone for so long. and you can only pretend for so long. and you can only avoid confrontation for so long. ughhh ... have mercy!

security

my car does this thing where every so often it won't start up, and a red security light starts blinking. then you wait exactly ten minutes and try again, and it will start. (on rare occasions it still won't start, and i bum a ride or call in strangers with jumper cables, but that's not the point today.) i've been blessed since this generally doesn't happen when i'm on my way TO work or pressed for time. nonetheless, i get frustrated.

so when my car wouldn't start for the umpteenth time yesterday after work, and i was hot and sweaty and tired and had someplace to be - i started grumbling. I looked at the blinking red security light and thought, 'i hate that word.' That stupid light comes on but it's false. it's not protecting me from anything but starting my car and getting where i want to be. Then God said 'I hate it too.'

i hate that security light because it doesn't mean anything. God hates what i've come to know as security on this earth because it doesn't mean anything either. the security i cling to apart from Him everyday is meaningless! God hates when i put my trust and security in anything but HIM!

this hit me hard as I realized most of my security comes from staying within my comfort zone or at least not skittering TOO far from it.
from a steady job. (read: MONEY!)
from a support system of people.
from physical health and possessions and all sorts of things that can be gone in a second and certainly won't matter in eternity.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:5-8