Wednesday, August 29, 2012

new york, new york!

a few weeks ago i spent a wonderful day in one of my favorite cities: new york.

my former professor set up a tour of the new york times with one of the editors for a small group of students/alumni. it felt like such an honor to just be in the place where the most well-known newspaper in the world is put together. watching those talented reporters was like staring at true celebrities for me. we weren't allowed to take pictures inside, which made it feel like even more of a classified privilege.

he did give us each a copy of his section's budget (which is a newspaper's list of what stories will be printed the next day) and i totally laid it across my desk at work the next day, hoping someone would get a glimpse of it and think i had a job offer from the times. because i'm just that crazy and that much of a dreamer.

the pulitzer wall was awesome, and so was the chat the editor had with us in a conference room. he is the kind of brilliant person that in only 15 or so minutes of conversation, you are completely inspired. things he mentioned in passing or as anecdotes have already helped me in my writing at work. those are the kind of people i need to hang out with. (and the kind of person i want to be!)

after our tour we ate a delicious overpriced lunch and it started downpouring. of course that doesn't stop new yorkers, the streets were still packed. of course i had not brought an umbrella in a spirit of optimism and neither did my friend bridget.

"oh life's for living, let's go!" bridget said. she is a great kind of friend to have, as you can tell. so bridget, virginia (who wisely had an umbrella) and i navigated our way around and had a fun rest of the day at bryant park, the library, central park and finally a coffeehouse in greenwich village.

we almost missed our train home and had to sprint several blocks. only because we got caught up talking at the coffeehouse. hilarious. and then the police officer i asked for help directing us through the train station misled us.  all day i'd been asking people for directions and every time i'd say to my friends how friendly and helpful new yorkers are - even though they would have every right in my book to be snobs and ignore annoying tourists like me - and of all people it was a cop who misled us. sheesh. but we made it.

 bridget and virginia in bryant park.

new york public library = gorgeous.

just a heads up: if you travel with me you will be asked to participate in at least one random photo op i make up. some of you know from experience. almost everyone acts like they hate it at the time, but they always love it in the end.

library foyer. aka the beautiful place carrie bradshaw almost got married.
what better way to end a post about new york than with a little carrie bradshaw style and wit ...
{source: google images}
"they say nothing lasts forever;  
dreams change, trends come and go ...
but friendships never go out of style.”
[carrie bradshaw]


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

the Liebster Award

Molly at Carry Your Heart With Me gave me the Liebster Award!

The rules of the award:
- Post 11 random facts about yourself
- Choose 11 deserving bloggers and tag them
- Answer 11 questions the tagger has asked you and give 11 questions to the people you've tagged.


11 random facts about myself
1. i have never had my ears (or anything else) pierced.
2. taking the year "off" after high school to do Youth With A Mission Maui was one of the best years of my life! same with the semester off college to do SBFM in maui.
3. i love the beach and would love to live in maui again.
4. i don't like coffee but i love chai tea lattes.
5. i have one older brother, colby.
6. bhutan is one of the coolest countries i have traveled to.
7. my mom is one of my very best friends.
8. yard sales are my favorite place to shop.
9. i love sushi. i've been hooked ever since i had it on a date with lance for the first time a few years ago.
10. being outside soothes my spirit. i love hiking or just being outside with people.
11. lance is my favorite person ever. i love him so so much.


11 questions from Molly:
1. How did you meet your husband/fiance?
we met when we were both working in food service at the hospital during college. his version of the story is much funnier because he says it took forever to get me to talk to him. which is true.

one of the earliest conversations that i remember laughing at lance for was when he started talking about how he makes the best renal shakes. (renal shakes were disgusting protein shakes we had to make for dialysis patients and they usually hated drinking them. i never actually tried one.) i was filling out paperwork and just laughed at him, but he continued, "what if girls liked guys and married them based on how well they made renal shakes?" i thought it was completely random but really funny and even told my mom about it - and how funny this guy was. little did i know how un-random it was and that he already knew he wanted to marry me.

2. What is the best way you have found to pass the time while they are gone?
exercising, reading books, and planning random things to look forward to. i also try to limit my time on facebook because it can be a downer.

3. What is a base/post you've loved/hated?
fort benning is the only one i have been to (besides one i forget the name of in florida for a wedding) but since i haven't lived there i can't say that i have any strong feelings about it either way.

4. What is your favorite military tradition? (i.e balls, promotion ceremonies, etc)
i loved ranger ball and i can't wait for the next one! i like how the military is steeped in so much tradition.

5. What is your favorite book you've recently read?
"east of eden" by john steinbeck, "the meaning of marriage" by tim keller, and "twist of faith" by anne beiler were all really amazing!

6. Did (Will) you have a military wedding?
we do not plan to have a military wedding. lance says that the military already takes up so much of his life and he does not want that to carry over to his wedding. i respect that.

7. What do you think about ACU purses? (Look here for examples if you don't know what I am talking about.)
i have never heard of them before today and i don't want one.

8. Do you have pets?
no pets right now, but lance and i both love dogs and talk about getting one. at the same time we are really hesistant because of the time commitment and dog hair everywhere. i want an english bulldog named hank. he wants a border collie, but i better not share what he wants to name it without his permission.

9. What area would you like to be stationed?
washington state or hawaii! i love both of those areas so much. germany, italy or anywhere in europe since i have not been there yet. alaska would be fun too.

10. What posts are you trying to avoid like the plague?
i'm a newby to all of this so i have no clue. but i've heard fort polk in louisiana is miles and miles from civilization, and that civilization there is really only walmart - so maybe that one.

11. How desperate do you have to be to brave the commissary on pay day?
 it sounds like i can be thankful i have not experienced this yet.


I am going to  skip tagging 11 people and giving them 11 questions to answer ... BUT, if anyone reading this would like the Liebster Award just say so in your comment and I promise I will come up with 11 really fun questions for you.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

six months

walking to get chai and eat lunch yesterday i realized that i have officially been at my job as a reporter for six months. then i got distracted by a mattress on the sidewalk and thinking about how trashy the city i work in can be.

a few steps later there was a guy with a beer gut hanging out of his t-shirt while he leaned over his pickup truck staring at me. almost gross enough to make me lose my appetite. almost.

i turned the corner and someone else was apparently intrigued by my pink lunch bag because he started yelling,"damn girl, if you were my lady you would never have to carry your lunch, because i would have it catered ... and packed ... and i would carry it for you wherever you wanted to go ... girl did anyone tell you that you are looking great today?!" actually no, but thank you for being the first?

that got me wondering which way i was going to walk to get back to the office, because i already avoid the opposite side of that street where someone burns incense on the sidewalk outside of their shop every day. (incense is one of the few, if not the only, smells that i actually hate more than cigarette smoke.)

this is the city i work in and yet my coworkers still seem shocked i would rather commute 40 minutes than move here, hmm.

eventually i got back to thinking about how i've been at my job for six months and how it feels a lot longer than that. the way that things have begun to come full circle cements that feeling.

on my first day i covered my first press conference, where it was announced that marvin hamlisch was coming to town later this year as a guest conductor.

i only knew who marvin was because of his cameo in one of my favorite chick flicks of all time. (that would be "how to lose a guy in 10 days" for those of you who actually have lives and don't remember useless rom com references.) so whoever says chick flicks are a waste of time is wrong. just kidding, they are a waste of time but i love them. so much.

anyway marvin hamlisch died last week. so there's that.

and on an even sadder note, one of the first stories i got attached to was an interview with a family whose four-year-old son had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. they told him he had four to six months to live, with treatment. i cried after the interview at his house with his family and prayed for them and even wrote some of my thoughts on it here.

i was really rooting for them and must have had an underlying optimism that the adorable little boy would live, because i was crushed when my editor yelled across the office that ryan died and i needed to do a story on that now.

i thought about what my last six months have been compared to that family's. my heart breaks for his parents, but also for his siblings, who are so young that this will probably shape them even more. but life goes on for them, and for all of us. it doesn't stop when we hurt.

"if grease is the soul of the kitchen
and coffee the drink of the gods
routine too perfect to mention
time is a thief i would rob
 
we're meant to be baby hold onto me
i'll never not be your girl
cause love is the heart of the world

oh and hope is the soul of the dreamer

and heaven is the home of my God
it only takes one true believer
to believe you can still beat the odds."
[lady antebellum]

Monday, August 20, 2012

going to the beach with your fiancé's family - without your fiancé

one of my latest adventures was going to the beach with lance's entire extended family - without lance. at the end of that week i realized i have officially spent more time with his family in the last year than he has. our lives are weird.

i could say 'this is what happens when your fiance is in the military, you do weird things' but that would not be true. well partially true, but it is not entirely to blame because i have always done weird things and probably always will.

and i love the beach, so why not? plus lance's family is really great. and hilarious. especially his grandpa. who won my heart even more by agreeing with lance's aunt when she told me i look like prince william's wife, kate middleton. (um best compliment ever?! even if it was probably only because of my giant blue hat.) and pop said, "yeah, lance sure knew what he was doing." love it.

the phrase you will hear someone say to pop every time you hang out with their family is, "tell us how you really feel pop." he says whatever he wants and it's pretty much the best thing ever. his commentary while watching the olympics was priceless and i should have been recording it for lance.

they've been going to the beach as an extended family every summer since lance was born. he's the baby cousin, but of course now there are lots of cute little great-grandkids running around. case in point:



the best part of the week was that lance called on friday to tell me that he passed the darby phase of ranger school! YAY! ranger school begins with "RAP" week and is followed by the darby, mountains and florida phases. each phase is roughly three weeks and if you get recycled you must redo the entire three weeks until you pass. at the end of each phase they get a little break when they can make phone calls.

confused yet? yeah. the question lance's cousin asked: so what does this mean for your wedding plans? answer:  it doesn't actually make anything clearer, because we still don't know when ranger school will end. BUT it is GREAT news because it means he is moving quickly through school. he is amazing.

it was so so good to hear his voice and i was definitely floating for the next few days! right now he is in the mountains phase and i am counting down about two weeks until our next phone call.

this picture is from memorial day in atlanta, when we were last together. i got my face painted at the renaissance faire and kept it on all night. a perfect example of the weird things i was just telling you about. ;-)


 "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
[Psalm 27:13-14]

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

advice for engaged women

I am pasting this great advice from the Grace Full Mama blog here for quick reference (it's so good!) and to see what you would add to her list of "20 Things I Want To Tell Engaged and Newlywed Women (Really All Married Women)." 

Would you add any other advice? I am all ears, people.

1. Marriage is made up of two good forgivers. Because every marriage is made up of two sinners. (Romans 3:23)

2. At some point, you will have to learn that life isn’t all about you. (Philippians 2:3)

3. Don’t listen to women that tell you that passion fades…it doesn’t have to! (um…all of Song of Solomon)

4. Don’t give up. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13)

5. He wants a kind wife, not a maid or another mother. Be nice. (Galatians 5:22-23)

6. Give your husband the gift of your respect.  He needs it more than you know. (Ephesians 5:33)

7. Be mindful of your expectations.

8. Honor the Lord above all things. Colossians 3: 17

9. Find your worth and security in the Lord, and don’t look to your husband to meet all of your needs.

10. Be very careful about reading romance novels, they set you up for an unrealistic view of romance.

11. Real romance is finding that one spot in the crook of his arm to snuggle into, that shared look over the dinner table when the kids are acting crazy, and the way he fixes the leaky sink when he is dog-tired after work.

12. Love is about relationship.  The more I love my husband, and seek a relationship with him, the less critical and duty-bound I become.  It is similar to my relationship with God.

13. Be thankful for the husband you have. Accept him as he is, not for what you want him to be.

14. Don’t compare!! Don’t buy into the game of comparing him with anyone else’s husband.

15.The Biblically “normal” marriage is filled with joy, connection, laughter, and peace.  It’s not free of hurt feelings and conflict, but they know how to process their pain with one another so that they live more often in a meadow than at the scene of a train wreck.  This is not the average marriage, but it normal – -because it is a visible display of Jesus’ relationship with His bride (Ephesians 5:22-33).

16. Your marriage is a testimony!The #1 evangelistic tool in America (the world) today is a successful marriage, because it’s a living miracle!” – Dr. Joe Aldrich, former president of Multnomah Bible College.

17. Pray for your marriage. Pray hard.

18.I’ve heard that is gets better with age.  I have to say in my short {13 year} experience, that is so true.

19. Where there is God, there is always hope. Even for the most broken marriages. “With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

20.Marriage is commitment and sacrifice. But it’s also the best, most wild ride you will ever have with your best friend.

Monday, August 13, 2012

words for everyone


funeral for a soldier

when i heard that someone would need to cover the funeral of a special forces soldier last friday at work, i felt sick to my stomach. i was really missing lance a lot, and the last thing i wanted to do was go to a funeral and talk to family members living my worst nightmare.

somehow i knew i would be the one assigned to go, and sure enough my editor came to my desk and told me to go to baltimore to cover it. the only thing that consoled me was i had worn a beautiful new black dress that day that frankly was perfect funeral attire. the right clothes really do make life so much better.

it was my first military funeral so i had no idea what to expect. the local fire, police and emergency service departments lined up the road leading to the church and directed parking. the family stood outside and i nervously checked with a funeral director about where to go in, and was relieved that they were not standing there for a greeting line where word vomit was sure to come forth.




the green berets lined up outside and eventually filed into the church carrying the casket, and the entire family filed in afterward. surprisingly, the tears i had been anticipating did not come. this was the first catholic funeral i had attended, and perhaps because the traditions do not hold any deep personal meaning to me, i found the service to be very impersonal.

i only started to get a feeling for what he was like when i began talking to his family members afterward. once you work through your feelings of 'i feel like the most insensitive jerk in the world approaching these strangers for a news story right now' and talk to the first relative, it gets easier to talk to a few more.

the published story is not what i would have written if i knew him. and even without knowing him, there are a few things i would have liked to throw in if i had free reign over what i could publish. things like a rant about the rampant infidelity in military marriages and women who dress like skankasauruses at funerals. judgments better left unsaid. so really it is probably for the best that i do not have free reign over what gets printed. ;-)

"Journalism without a moral position is impossible. Every journalist is a moralist. It's absolutely unavoidable. A journalist is someone who looks at the world and the way it works, someone who takes a close look at things every day and reports what she sees, someone who represents the world, the event, for others. She cannot do her work without judging what she sees."
[Marguerite Duras]

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Recently Read

{source for all images in this post: Google images}
1. Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert
I was not overly impressed with Eat, Pray, Love - her first bestselling book that was turned into a movie I also found disappointing, despite the fact that it starred my beloved Julia Roberts. So I'm not sure why I picked this up. It was easy to follow and I like her voice, but it was nothing exceptional.


2. Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
I learned a lot from this book. The gist of it can be summed up in a few sentences: the way that women crave love, men crave respect - and vice versa. Respect your husband and show him and tell him how much you respect him. It got very repetitive, but that is often my feeling about nonfiction books by Christian authors: what they're trying to say could be summed up in a much shorter book. It might also be more aimed at couples who have already been married for awhile. I could see myself re-reading this in the future.
 3. Army Wives by Tanya Biank
I couldn't put this down! This book was the basis for the Lifetime television show. I picked it up in Barnes & Noble just for a quick skim and made it halfway through the book, and the next thing i knew i was sitting in the cafe starting to cry as I read. The man next to me who had asked me to watch his computer while he went to the bathroom came back and saw my tears and had the most panicked expression you can imagine. So I did everyone a favor and bought the book and got out of there. The author weaves the stories of several different women together into one amazing book. Each are married to men of different ranks in the Army and their stories are very different but interconnected. It's a quick, easy read.


4. The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
LOVED this book! I learned so much and gleaned a ton of practical wisdom and fun sociological insights from it. As I said in this post, I  would recommend it to everyone, regardless of religion or relationship status.


5. A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Van Auken
A few of my friends list this in their all-time favorite books, but it wasn't my thing. Maybe because I have never been able to enjoy C.S. Lewis in more than a quote or two (and this  was full letters from him), or maybe because I found it too full of dull details in a depressing story line. It is about a couple who falls in love, goes from agnosticism to Christianity, and that adjustment and how their faith journeys affect their marriage and trials. Read it if you enjoy C.S. Lewis.


6. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
I loved the first and second Hunger Games books. It's the first mega-hit series I have gotten into and Lance makes fun of me, saying soon I'll be this excited about Twilight and Harry Potter. (He is a kidding and I won't.) Mockingjay was my least favorite in the series and the ending wasn't happy enough for my liking. But I'm super stoked for the next two movies!


7. 30 Life Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans by Karl Pillemer
Dr. Pillemer realized the last living generation who had lived during World War One will soon be ... extinct. Also recognizing that the entire focus of his career as a sociologist had focused only on the negatives of geriatric patients and the aging process, he decided to instead seek out the wisdom and stories of the oldest generation before it's too late. He compiled the interviews here and they are so touching and encouraging.   

This book makes you want to talk to every old person you can - but then that has always been one of my favorite things to do. I found out about this book after I covered an event for work where the author was speaking to an audience of mainly people age 60+, and during the Q&A everyone wanted to know how they could get young people to listen to their advice. So young people: seek out an elderly friend! They want to be your friend and we need each other! Dr. Pillemer said it's more likely for a person to have a close friend of another race than in another age group - we are very segregated by age. This was a fun read and gave me some much-needed perspective, I loved it.

I think I will make monthly book posts a habit, because as I look at this list I'm realizing how much more well-rounded my reading could be! Yikes! Oh well, marriage books as the bulk of my reading material while I am engaged can't be a bad thing, right?   What are you reading?  
Have any must-reads I should add to my  books-to-read list?

Sunday, August 5, 2012

2012 London Olympics LOVE

i love watching the olympics. it is so fun watching people's dreams {that they worked so hard for} come true.
and they inspire me to work out harder. 
people like oscar pistorius, the runner from south africa who is a double amputee, AMAZE me.
how can i be lazy in my workouts and not go a little bit harder if i have a healthy, working body? how can i not push myself more if even when i do i'm still not pushing myself to the levels that these athletes are?
when rowing was on the tv while i was on the rowing machine at the gym i was pretty much in my glory.
 and then there's ryan lochte. my friend sarah says he is muscular in a way that makes him look fat. um, i had not noticed? but gorgeousness aside (or maybe included), he fits my (ever-so-loving) stereotype of jocks based on things like: 1.) his mother telling the world that he only has time for one night stands (how lovely) and 2.) the lack of intelligence revealed whenever he opens his mouth. examples: tweets like "pain is temporarily but pride last forever" or "too travel is sometimes better to arrive" ... and telling ryan seacrest that he has peed in the pool in london. some things are better left unsaid, buddy.
the whole badminton debacle cracks me up! what the heck?! who tries to cheat and rig badminton games?
the best responses from my coworkers in the newsroom when the AP story on this came through: "what a racquet!" and "well they don't call it GOODminton!" ha. ha. ha.
 i love this commercial ...
and i love watching the athletes parents reactions during the olympics! i am so impressed by gabby douglas, and her mom for being brave enough to let her daughter move across the country to train for this.
{source: google images}
gabby is amazing. gymnasts in general are just, WOW.
i freaked out doing something new at crossfit the other week because i was afraid i was going to fall on my face ... from a piece of equipment that was only maybe four feet above the ground. i think i am filled with the most respect for gymnasts because it seems more difficult (to me personally) than any of the other sports.

"for the dream comes through much effort and the voice of a fool through many words." [ecclesiastes 5:3]

"conventional wisdom is no wisdom at all.  conventional wisdom is taking somebody else’s word for the way things are… it’s the followers of this world who rely on assumption. not the leaders." [richard marcinko]

Thursday, August 2, 2012

so ready for this







{source: pinterest}
i'm ready for georgia and all of the adventures to be had there.
but more than anything i am so ready to marry this man ...





or ya know, just to see or even talk to him would be really, really nice. we can't talk at all while lance is in ranger school. and it is hard. so hard that i have resorted to emailing random bloggers for advice on how they got through ranger school when their boyfriends/fiances/spouses were going through it. 
molly from carry your heart with me sent me some great advice, including this gem ...

"It is really hard for normal civilians to understand why our lives are so unpredictable. I try to explain that we are just a tiny moving part of a greater organization. Being part of the military, even as a spouse, means that the mission will always come first. I know it can be so hard to feel like what you want is constantly being ignored. However, all of these tiny sacrifices allow the Army to fight America's wars and keep us safe."

how true! i tend to forget that when i feel like i am surrounded by people who look down upon the military and everything that it does. {another reason to be excited to move to georgia!} she also said that she pretends making the time pass quickly is a second full-time job. i like the sounds of that mind game and think i will follow suit. i've been meeting my summer goals, but maybe it's time to take that to the next level ...

a burial

last week i went to a burial at a beautiful cemetery on a hill way down in the countryside where i grew up. i'm not used to driving those winding back roads and thought for sure i was lost and would be late, but i made it.

i pulled into the parking lot where groups of unfamiliar people were gathered and wished i wasn't alone. i quickly found my friend molly to give her a big hug. she was the reason i was there. her dad died.

molly (not her real name, because i am funny about using real names here) and i were best buds in elementary school. we rode the bus together, were goofballs, and played at each others houses and at our brothers baseball games.

and when molly's parents started going through a divorce, we started going to banana splits together at school. banana splits was the perk of having divorced parents. everyone wanted to go.

we got out of class for maybe 30 minutes to go to banana splits once a week, and at the end of the school year we got to eat a banana split. because in theory we were "banana splits"- split between two parents.

it was there that i learned i was being jipped of a lot of the perks other kids got in a divorce, because i did not in fact get two houses or two bedrooms, double christmases, or double toys and books. and i got confused at banana splits when they told us things like "it's not your fault." um, of course it wasn't my fault. i went home and asked my mom why any kid would ever think that a divorce had anything to do with them. it made no sense to me.

while i may have wished for the material amenities other kids got out of their parents divorces, even at that young age i think i knew that none of those things really mattered. i had been spared from an awful lot in the realm of divorce, and that became even clearer when molly's parents first separated.

i couldn't believe the things that her mom was saying and doing. molly cried a lot. i was scared for her and wanted to help but i did not know how. she even cried in class and our teacher would let her hide under a table until she stopped. sometimes she'd be in the bathroom forever and our teacher would send me to check on her, and she'd be in there crying.

our play dates had temporarily been only at my house while things were really messy, but eventually her dad built a new house and we started having play dates there too.

he was a great dad. like, really great. he took care of molly and her brothers and you could tell he adored them and that the feeling was mutual from all three of his kids. at her birthday party he planned food and games and prizes all by himself - for a bunch of squealing fourth grade girls. in the summer he let each of his kids take a friend along to the beach. he took lots of pictures and gave us money for the boardwalk and took us out for pizza.

once molly and i got lost in the woods at her house with her little brother and were gone for hours. her little brother cried while we devised plans on how to stay alive in the wilderness where we were sure we'd be stuck forever. (clearly neither molly or i were very dramatic.) we finally heard her dad yelling for us as he barreled through the woods on his four-wheeler. we yelled back to him and somehow we managed to run through the briar bushes that moments before had seemed impossible to ever make our way back out of. he hugged us and rescued us on the four-wheeler.

when i found out molly's dad was dead i cried, even though it had been years since i had hung out with her or seen her dad. i wondered for the umpteenth time why life is unfair.

i wanted to make a deal with God. even though i know it doesn't work like that, and i know life is hard and death is a part of it, i still had to ask. why him God? i would have given you my dad so that her dad could live. my dad had just called me to tell me that i'm worthless again - why couldn't he die instead of molly's dad?

and why do some people - like molly - have to go through so many hard things? why couldn't this happen to one of my friends who seem to never go through anything really difficult, all the while with a total lack of gratitude for how blessed they are?

when her older brother spoke at the burial it was all i could do to keep myself from completely bawling as tears fell down my face. he used the perfect mix of humor and sentimentality without being sappy. he said that whenever he would cry growing up, his dad would cry with him and then he would say, "i hate that you have to go through this, but you know what buddy? the sun's going to come up again tomorrow, and we've got to get up with it."

i love that his dad would cry with him. part of the reason i love it so much is that he was a big, handsome, man's man who loved hunting and fishing and the outdoors. he truly was all man - because he was not only strong physically but strong emotionally, and modeled healthy emotions to his children.

after the burial i stopped at one of my favorite spots by the river. the sunset was perfect. i hobbled past some fishermen in my heels and dress to sit on a rock above the river, and then a dad with two little kids walked by. and i know there's been a lot of crying in this post already, but i started to cry.

i cried for molly and her family, and for everyone who knew molly's dad and will feel his absence every day. and i cried for myself and i even cried thinking about the two little kids at the river with their dad who i didn't even know.

in the midst of crying i remembered that i had bawled my eyes out in that very same spot more than a year ago after church.

someone at church had given me a word that i more or less blew off as a probably made up word that could have fit anyone's life - even though i started crying as soon as i got to my car. it sparked me to cry so much that when i got home, even after a stop at the river spot to regroup, my mom asked if i was hung over. (i envy the pretty criers of the world, i really do.)

but on that particular monday night things started to click as i remembered that forgotten word and realized how right on it was, and how much God had been doing in my life in the past year.

it's funny how you barely see it in the day to day, and then all of a sudden you accidentally turn around and see it - the growing up and the learning and everything God has done.

"peace like a river is surrounding me
when my whole world is a raging sea
only your light is what my soul has found
lost on the ocean."
[matt brouwer]

"peace like a river ran through the city
long past the midnight curfew
we sat starry-eyed
we were satisfied."
[paul simon]